porn in the 00s

There are so many things that young people don’t understand. I used to get so giddy with excitement when I hear my modem connecting to the Internet. Before torrents, you had to use a VCR to tape your favorite shows. People actually showed up on time when you meet them for lunch or coffee. And porn? Well, porn was quite tricky.

Before YouJizz or PornMD, most of us got by with JPEGs. The little videos I had were mostly 5-second clips that I hurriedly saved in floppy disks. You could also rent softcore porn in little mom and pop video stores (Those were awesome. Anyone else remember how cool it was to rent a VHS tape?). We all got o̶f̶f̶ by one way or the other but I was always curious about what real, honest to goodness porn looked like.

“There’s porn in Quiapo,” a friend offered. “My brother took me there once. We told the guy we were looking for Barely Legal. He took us to the back and the walls were lined from top to bottom with all the porn you can find.” His hands moved around the imagined shelf. It was huge.

“It was seriously all the porn you could ever imagine. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, even Asians! I spent a week’s allowance that day but I have no regrets.”

My eyes grew wide with anticipation. “Where is this Quiapo and how do I get there?”

I wanted to ask if the *ahem* selection they had was as diverse as it was bountiful. What if all they had was straight porn? I didn’t want to get lost in the streets of Manila if all I would get are inflated double d’s. I sat on this information for quite some time. After saving enough money and courage for the trip, I took the first jeep to Quiapo.

What my friend didn’t tell me is that the place in itself was ginormous. It’s mostly known for the church but in little side streets you could find anything from flowers to candles, perfumes to cigarettes, fortunetellers to abortionists… Take two lefts and a right and you’ll find The Pirate Bay: Physical Edition.

Any Quiapo expert would tell you that there are three parts to the media area. One part is for movie lovers. You’ll find everything from cheesy local movies to complete box sets of TV shows. Another part is for music lovers, with each store specializing in a specific genre. But I didn’t come here for any of that.

The third part was where they kept all the porn. Unfortunately, it was never easy to find. Many of the local government folks didn’t mind the pirated movies and CDs but they did have an issue with pornographic materials. That’s why the porn area was so hidden. My friend said I should ask one of the storekeepers. If they think they can trust you, they’ll personally escort you to porn haven.

I was thumbing through some dusty CDs, looking for a friendly storekeeper when I noticed that the stall I was in had a small back door. A man in a sweaty sando was talking to the storekeeper and after a few moments, he was escorted inside. I took that as my cue to man up. I brought my CDs to him and whipped out my wallet.

“Kuya, ano yung nasa likod?” I asked, my voice nervous and croaky. [translation]

“Ah yan? Wala yan. Mga DVD.”

“Akala ko puro CD lang kayo dito, kuya. Anong klaseng DVD yung andiyan?”

He looked up from the CDs I was purchasing and I flashed him a knowing smile. It was like I wanted my eyes to say I know what’s back there and I want in.

“Ano bang hinahanap mo, kuya?” he said in a hushed voice. The other storekeeper was an old woman and she was clearly within earshot.

“Ano bang meron kayo?” I said, in a matched whisper. I was beginning to sweat profusely.

“Madami. May mga movies, concerts…“ He paused. “May anime…”

“Meron ba kayong… M2M.” I interrupted. His eyes widened and I almost choked.

“Pasok ka,” he said, a sly smile plastered on his face. And what I saw in that little room would change my life forever.

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“Anong nabili mo?” asked my best friend. I met him for dinner after my Quiapo shopping spree. I looked like shit but it had gone well over all.

“A few movies, a few CDs…” I said, handing him my loot.

“Bumili ka ng bold?” he asked as he thumbed through my purchases.

“Hindi no! Baboy ka. Wag mo nga ‘kong itulad sa ‘yo!” I answered defensively, my volume and pitch a little too high for comfort.

“Yuck! Bakit ka may ganito?” he exclaimed as he fished a DVD out of my black plastic bag.

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“Pasok ka,” the storekeeper said, a sly smile plastered on his face. The backroom smelled like stale sweat and burnt plastic. He surveyed the piles of DVDs searching for my gay porn.

“Ito na yung hinahanap mo. Huling kopya na nga yan. Mabentang mabenta.” He smiled at me as he handed me my prized DVD…



A bootleg copy of M2M, Live in Concert.

♫: M2M | Pretty Boy (2000)
Photo: Buhoneros