Monday, December 8, 2014

on how you should remember me



My father once taught me a secret. He said if you pressed an ear against a shell's hollow side, you could hear wave upon wave crashing upon the shore. And I always felt there was such beauty in that simple fact – the hollow never forgets where it's been. The ocean is forever alive if you listen closely. This is how I remember you.

You can tell me about the science of it all, about how they're just sound waves bouncing off walls, mimicking the sound of the tide. But if you really think about the beauty of the common conch, you'd understand that all beautiful things must die. Maybe it was alive once. Maybe it even moved. One summer, a lonely crab came upon it. She dusted him off and made him brand new. They were inseparable. They were happy. But then she moved on.

A fortune teller once told me that in my past life, I was happy. They called me California because you couldn't see anything but the sunlight when I was in the room. It's such a far cry from the man I am today. Some days, I question if I can ever be truly happy. Maybe the soul can only hold so much laughter and I've used all mine up.

What if I told you I was hollow? That you could love me all you want but all you'll get at most is your own voice echoing. Would you leave?

If you pick me up and press an ear to my heart, you will not hear the ocean singing. At first it will seem like nothing, just random beats of blood pulsing through my veins. But if you close your eyes and you picture who I was in your mind's eye, you will hear California's laughter.

The seashell echoes where it once was. This is how I want you to remember me.

♫: Sheryl Crow | Wildflower (2005)
Photo: The last trip


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30 comments:

  1. Maybe we just don't know how much laughter the soul CAN hold.

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    1. Rick: That's true. Who knows. I may have some laughs I've been saving for in the future. :x

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  2. Nakakadala ang pagsusulat mo, Nyl. My mind was so into this while reading. Sad but refreshing.

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    1. Sepsep: Sana'y sa magandang place ka naman dinala. I was trying to write more concisely. Medyo mahaba pa rin pero I'm trying! haha

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    1. kalansaycollector: Thanks! It's comments like this that help me stay motivated. :p Thanks for appreciating. :)

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  4. Seashell, a simple object but you gave it a deeper meaning. I felt the loneliness in my heart just because of that seashell. Hanubayan, nakakadala ka teh, ang galing mo talagang mag-express.

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    1. AnonymousBeki: Huy teh! Wag ka naman ganiyan. Baka pumalakpak na tenga ko. lolz

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  5. lovely.

    revising the question: how do you want to be remembered?

    that answer would be a lot better to consider :)

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    1. Seth: Hay ang hirap niyan ha! Ang lakas maka-retreat ng question. Siguro, I want people to just remember all the good things I did for them. Kaso shet, baka walang makaalala sakin kung ganun! haha

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    2. Yun nga mahirap dun. You do someone good and it is forgotten, do something bad you will always be remembered.

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    3. Seth: (I'm recycling but...) This so reminds me of this record which I'm so in love with right now. It's called Here Lies Love. Kasi Imelda wanted to be remembered that way. And it's interesting how we remember all the bad things they did but rarely acknowledge the good. (Granted na mabigat naman kasi yung negative haha)

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  6. The loneliness behind an unanswered question. *sigh*

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    1. D: Truly! Sometimes, we have to answer the questions ourselves. :x

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    2. However while reading this I kept on picturing Faye from Chungking Express, busting her move and just being alive. Sa tingin ko sana mas maalala nila tayo that way, alive. All the best sir.

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    3. D: I love that movie! The Cranberries' Dreams will never be the same!

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  7. I remember reading a piece, "What will you write in your tombstone?" This somewhat resembles what it meant. How do you wanna be remembered? Mala-Katy Perry aka a California Girl? Char! Hahahaha.. But seriously, I wanna be remembered as somebody who lived her life well and for others.

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    1. Yccos: This reminds me of this Imelda quote I saw. She said, she wants her tombstone to have "Here Lies Love." And then Fatboy Slim went crazy and created a full record for her. lolz

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  8. Tsaka, wait lang.. Bakit yung mga songs mo, kalalalim ng mga hugotmuch?! Ano bang playlist yan sa Spotify? Gusto ko i-report! Char! Hahahaha

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    1. Yccos: Wag! haha In fairness, mahilig lang kasi talaga ako makinig ng music. This particular one is on the disc I listen to to fall asleep. hehe

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  9. i think as disorienting as it may be to discover we feel empty inside, is the realization that what we thought we were, was only a shell and that we are really the something inside of it.

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    1. LoF: That makes too much sense. Maybe I was never the shell. haha But these days, I can't help but feel so (um) shell-like?

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  10. If you would see me now after reading this, you will know how much sadness came rushing back to me.

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    1. Yas: Maybe it was sadness that brought you here in the first place. In any way, I hope all is well.

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  11. Ugh. Goosebumps. I remember an ancient citybuoy post and it started with seashells too. (Or was it somebody else's blog?) And I love that you wrote about the essence of California, rather than using it as location or something. Beautiful Nyl. Bellisima.

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    1. Rei: Thank you, Rei! Now, where are those RTC posts you said you'd find time for? lolz

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  12. luh. ang sakit.

    lovely.

    dramatic.

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    1. Nate: Huy! Long time no read! haha Salamat for dropping by! :)

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