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I'm vulnerable. I'm vulnerable (but) I am not a robot.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

maps


Imagine for a second that your life is a map and everything, every single moment that led you here were just stops on a route. Every decision you’ve made was a turn at a fork in the road. Look around you as you sit in your office cubicle reading this blog post or on the couch at your apartment swiping on your smartphone. Are you happy with who you are? Are you at peace with where your feet have taken you? Do you regret nothing? Has each turn been wise or have you somehow lost your way?

Imagine for a second that your life is a map. When one loses his way, common sense urges that he (1) calm the fuck down, (2) locate his position, and (3) pinpoint his destination. From there, he traces an outline of streets and corners, mapping the quickest route to where he wants to go. Right now, at this very moment, can you honestly say that you know where you need to go? Do you find that the decisions you made in the name of compromise have thrown you off your path?

Imagine for a second that your life is a map and those who wander from their paths need only to pause and recollect to find their way. Close your eyes and think of where you want to be. Picture yourself happy with sunny skies and green grass. Dig deep into the corners of your heart where dreams are not the least bit shameful. Do you see yourself walking the busy streets of Singapore? Are you lounging on the pristine sands of the Maldives? Are you alone or are your hands clasped with a lover’s? What do you do for a living? Are you a writer, an actor or a supermodel? Do you release multi-platinum recordings or do you dabble in politics? Close your eyes and dream as big as you can. Do not let anything cloud your vision in any way.

Imagine for a second that your life is a map. You know where you are. That part was easy. Now you have a dream in your heart. What if I told you that you were destined to become that person? What’s keeping you? Why aren’t you a famous writer in London? Why aren’t you a pastry chef on a luxury cruise? If you’re stuck in your own life reading this aimless rant then who’s manning that quirky shop you dreamed of in Tokyo? Who’s signing autographs at a crowded New York street corner?

Some say it’s age that stops them. Others will reason out that they have families and obligations they need to attend to. I call bullshit. You can be whoever you want to be. There are a million realities that exist for you right at this minute. Think of your reason, of what was keeping you from your happiness. That’s not a reason. That, my friend, is an excuse.

Imagine for a second that your life is a map. You are destined for greatness. You only need to know where you are, where you ought to be and the quickest way from Point A to B. I have reasons. I have excuses. Mostly, it’s fear that stops me in my tracks. If I never get over them, I will never become who I’m meant to be. Who knows? One day, I may find myself immortalized in books and magazines. Maybe one day, somebody will come up to me and quote a line from a story I wrote. At the same time, I may also find myself still in the same office doing the same boring things day in and day out. I may grab my destiny by the balls or I may just fall flat on my face. It all depends on the decisions I make, the turns I take and the stops I plan on the map that is my life.

It’s easy to dream. It’s easy to throw all caution to the wind and say I will be exactly who I want to be. It’s the hours and miles in between who I am and who I ought to be that jar me. I am so far from who I want to be. I have dreams as big as skyscrapers and at times, I feel I may not live long enough to see them coming true. They say the Aborigines believed that dreams could be mapped out in song. When you sing these in sequence, you could navigate through vast distances. I plug my earphones in, see my dream in my mind’s eye, and hope that a songline brings me there.

Lord, here comes the flood.
We will say goodbye to flesh and blood.
If again, the seas are silent
In any still alive,
It’ll be those who gave their island to survive.
Drink up, dreamers. You’re running dry.

Imagine for a second that your life is a map. May you never lose sight of your dreams.

♫: Peter Gabriel | Here Comes the Flood (1977)



96 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! This is cool. Parang isa talaga sa atin ang magsusulat ng something positive about sa topic, hehe. :)

    Very very cool Nyl. :)

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    1. And yes, life will always be a map. Just let God be your compass and he will lead you to the right path. :)

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    2. LJ: Iknerryt! Binabasa ko siya ngayon and I'm like dafuq? Parang ang happy and positive ng peg ko! I guess I no longer have the right to call myself an emo blogger. lol

      At wala bang constructive keme? lolz kinakabahan ako. haha

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    3. gusto mo ng constructive keme ko? haha

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    4. Mots: at ano naman icoconstructive keme mo? Haha nakatunog ko si *bleep*? Lolz

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    5. Hahaha. Constructive. Well, I miss the heartfelt posts. I am really not use to this. :)

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    6. LJ: I know. I figured this is more of a mental post than a heart post. Medyo natutuyo na ata ako. I'm so used to writing lessons and modules that I've forgotten to write with my heart. lolz

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  2. i have to accept that i must fail at most of my dreams to succeed at the ones i'm supposed to succeed at.

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    1. LOF: I guess our desire is to go through all the routes. Our indecision has become our decision?

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    2. i was thinking of it is a more active sense. naturally if i pick one path, all other coextensive realities fail to actualize and either remain potentials or only memories of a vanishing world. this is part of the destruction necessary for creation, in my mind. indecision, however, can have a corrosive effect on our agency in which all of life becomes a memory of a vanished world.

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    3. LOF: I guess it's so human (as if I have a concept of anything but human) to want to master everything, including optimizing all realities making sure we have everything we could possibly get. But this requires judgement and a lot of thinking, something we don't do automatically. I guess people who we consider "lucky" in business, love, and life in general just realize each reality's consequence more quickly.

      Is it selfish to want everything? Let's say in one reality, you have love, money but no career. In another, you have love, a career but no money. In another, you are destined to be rich without doing much and with no one to be with. The human in me wants it all: love, career, money, family, fame, tons of mind-blowing sex. haha but as we epiphanize, we realize that no one ever gets it all.

      Ah, to be a man.

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    4. are you sure its the human part of you that wants everything?

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    5. LOF: I'm about 90% sure it is. Haha but then again, how do you explain people who are content with being right where they are?

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  3. Loved it. Very inspiring. Thanks for reminding me this simple, yet difficult, truth! :)

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    1. Beliza: Ooh, haven't seen you round here in a while. :) Thanks for dropping by.

      Have I told you that I got your book? Ugh, must stop procrastinating and mail it to you. I made my promise eons ago! :p

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    2. It's true I haven't been around much. At leasst not writing. Just lurking around other people's blogs ;)

      I don't know, somehow I just don't feel like writing at the moment, so I just don't :p

      Yes, stop procrastinating please! Can't wait to see what it looks like :D

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    3. Beliza: I wonder what triggered that changed... I've been doing the opposite. I've been writing but I can't seem to find the time to visit other blogs. :(

      Sorry! Will find time this weekend for it! It's been in my closet for months!

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  4. hindi naman malayong makita ko ang pangalan mo sa mga libro sa bookstore. wag mo lang kalimutang ako ang gagawa ng unang book cover mo :)


    sabi nga sa the pursuit of happyness, Don't ever let someone tell you that you can't do something. Not even me.

    alright? :)

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    1. Mots: Awww.., that's so schwett of you. :p Sige, ikaw gagawa ng cover pero may creative input parin ako ha. haha

      Andami kong pangarap, sir mots. nakakaadik!

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    2. at sigurado, sa huli, puro idea mo na yun lol. eh book mo naman yun eh (yehess, palanado talaga)

      onga eh.

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    3. Mots: kung makapagsalita tayo, parang may libro na talaga e, no? Haha if project red and blue was any indicator, medyo mahirap tayo mag-work together. and yes, I promise to write that down soon. haha

      ano ang mga pangarap ng isang sermots?

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    4. ang matabi ang gawa ko sa gawa mo sa filipiniana section hahah (na hindi nilalangaw ah) :))

      speaking of red and blue, dapat pala sinabi ko May 2013 lalabas haha

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    5. Mots: Sorry na! May isa pa akong gagawin for EBHBC tapos yung sa atin na. Finale ito! lolz

      And that would be so cool. Compendium ng teacher's pwet at citybuoy sa national bookstore! Hanapin na sa mapa at lezzgow!

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    6. awwww!!! group hug!!!!!!!!! :D (ang epal ko lang talaga noh? hehe late pa ako magbasa)

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    7. Sin: haha ang funny mo. Mots o!

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  5. like! fb? lol. sorry nyl, i'm as spaced-out as spaced-out could be. but i like this post. hehe

    - darc

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    1. Darc: Like back! haha diba pwedeng mag-like ng comment? Don't apologize, Darc. Alam mo namang mi casa su casa ditey! :)

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  6. hayy ang haba ng comment ko di na publish hahaha

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    1. Dave: I read this while I was about to take a shower. As I lathered, iniisip ko kung ano kaya yung mahabang comment na nawala. sabi ko, sayang naman. haha good thing you were able to rewrite it. :)

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  7. oh well.. alam mo ba si James Jones, yung last novel nya ay di nya tinapos gamit ang typewriter or pen. Kumuha sya ng tape recorder at saka nya ni-record ang last paragraph ng Whistle. James Jones was the author of From Here to Eternity and The Thin Red Line.

    and to that guy, he had enough reason to write or tell the world his reason or his truht as if it is the only thing to do, it is the only thing left to do and the only thing that hasn't been done.

    madness i call it. all real writers are mad about eternity or piece of eternity.

    Hellen Keller said, one cannot consent to creep when there is an impulse to soar..

    Sa novel na From Here to Eternity may sinabi ang mga character na (more or less)

    "Reason is the greatest discovery ever made by man; yet it is the least use that no wonder reasonable men end up bitter." and

    "Men don't ask to be needed, we ask to be remembered."

    Putangina writer yun! He was mad. I envy him big time.

    He explored Remembrance as if it is the greatest need of men--not love, not virtue not money nor lover. The fucking thing he wants was to be remembered. Then we will realized, everything we valued in this world: lovers, death, celebration, dreams, memories, jobs, family etc.. we give care to them by how much we remember them.. then you will realize too, even God, asked to be remembered, going great length of telling or papansin.. by sending his son (going religious here na)..

    Because, the secret lies in loneliness--being unwanted and unremembered is the greatest form of poverty.

    So what are your reasons for writing? I mean our reasons.. =(

    Yung Whistle di ko tinapos basahin.. sobrang sad. Yung From Here to Eternity is one of best novels out there. Thin Red Line, di ko pa nababasa.

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    1. Dave: remember that conversation we had about Travis? I think what saddened me was the thought na when you die, will your writing live on? I guess that's why we aim so hard to be the best we can be. For all the things man has mastered, death nalang yung di pa natin maconquer.

      I write to remember, to be remembered. what about you, David?

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    2. Kuya Dave,

      I read The Thin Red Line over a decade ago and i always thought it was written by John Irving. ahahahahaha


      "Because, the secret lies in loneliness--being unwanted and unremembered is the greatest form of poverty." - try reading One Hundred Years of Solitude and let's see if you still believe this after. :))

      and oh, i write to ruin people's lives. my enemies' lives. ahahahaha

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    3. YJ: Nakakaloka!!! At sino naman itong enemy mo? lolz

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    4. oooohhhhh sino mga yan YJ? i-tag mo na sa impyerno hehe charot! :D

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    5. Sin: Ayan nanaman yung "tag mo sa impyerno." Buti nalang, gets ko na ngayon. lolz

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  8. Really nice Nyl. Made me rethink my whole life. I love posts like these. :D

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    1. Rei: thanks, rei! I'll leave feedback on yours din within the week. hehe

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  9. Ang hirap kasi Nyl, sometimes you already have figured out ano ang susundan mong mapa to get to where u want to be, kaya lang Along d way, may mga tao na mamimeet or incidents na mangyayari and it will either confuse u or deviate u from your map... Ang hirap pa naman umahon sa mali, mas mahirap kesa sa pagbuo ng pangarap... Buti na lang kahit papano, nabibiyayaan ako ng mga bagay na magaganda along the way to slowly get there...

    Nice post again...

    Jj Roa Rodriguez

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    1. JJ: That is so true! Ang dali gumawa ng pangarap. Taena, ang hirap bumangon from failure. I guess there comes a time when you would have to ask yourself if your dream is right for you. So far, wala pa naman ako sa point na yun. hehe

      I'm happy that you're being blessed. Slowly but surely, ika nga. :)

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  10. I wonder what kind of map it is. Is it the kind of map where the terrain has been revealed, where the landscapes are given and the coordinates plotted? Or is it the kind of a new map where the landscapes are shrouded and you can only see what's immediate? Such that your next few steps may find you at the edge of a cliff or stepping into quicksand.

    Some people are content to navigate a known map than find themselves in uncharted territory. :-)

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    1. Angel: Hello! Welcome to my blog! :)

      I guess when I envisioned it, I saw it as a cartoonish map. It was clear what were included in the stops. But now, I realize that different people see different things. At times, I've found myself so shrouded by my personal circumstances that I can't see past next week. lolz

      As for uncharted territory... *gulp* I've come across a few people like that. Maybe there is merit to being the biggest player in the smallest field. :p

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    2. Ooh, you want to be a writer. good luck! Sometimes, the biggest mountain is the one we create for ourselves. And sometimes, it's just the monster of a blank page. Writing would be very similar to making your own map and populating it with your own characters. :)

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    3. Angel: That's a lovely way to put it! :) Thanks for wishing me luck! :) We shall conquer all blank pages. :P

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  11. Replies
    1. Jaycris: Hello! Welcome din to my blog! Thanks for dropping a note. :)

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  12. This is once great piece. Life lessons in extricate verbs.

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    1. Green Breaker: And why am I certain you'd be the only one who would point out my verbs? lolz Sharp as always, kiddo. Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  13. Fear doesn't stop me in my tracks: Fear prevents me from ever starting.

    I've had so many "great" ideas for businesses, businesses that would allow me to do what I enjoy, and perhaps, even prosper. About 12 years ago one of my college friends grew weary of listening to my dreams. He always said that my ideas were excellent. Then one day he stopped me in mid-sentence: He said, "Rick, I've been listening to this bullshit for five years now. You've done nothing. My take is that you are afraid that you might actually succeed, AND YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH SUCCESS."

    And so I continue to live this 9 to 5 life, which is actually more of a 7 to 6 life on good days. I have a good paying job, work long hours, it's extremely physical; I'm worn out, my body's sore all the time from the work, and there are evenings when I'm just tired of dreaming.

    Excuses? Maybe. Fear? Absolutely.

    And I don't know where or how to begin to change that shit.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rick: Maybe in a different dimension, we've got a Rick who started all those businesses and is rolling in dough right now. Or maybe in another one, you went broke from all the attempts. haha

      I almost turned down my last promotion. I had a talk with my boss and he accused me of fearing my success. It's a scary game to play but I'm starting to believe I have to start learning the rules. At least while I still have the patience for it.

      Go change that shit. I don't know how or where to begin with mine either but we both gotta change it. :p

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    2. If I figure it out, and get my ass in gear, I'll clue you in first! :}

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    3. Rick: And if (or should I say when?) I figure it out, I'll holla atchu too! :)

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  14. boom! sapul! tsk tsk... nice work, nyl! ikaw na! :)

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    1. Nate: Ako na talaga! lolz So, Kuya Nate. Where are you and where do you want to go? chauce

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  15. If my life is a map, it will be pure chaos: lots of twists and turns, buhol-buhol. Parang yung mga eskinita sa Quiapo, hehe

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    1. Andy: Oh wow! I love the reference! I used to purposely get lost sa Quiapo. It was such a thrill to be in the middle of so much culture. :)

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  16. How timely. The saddest is when you give up and settle.

    Fuck. My dreams are always on hold.

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    1. James: Mine are on hold too. :( demmet. May we never give up and settle.

      There's this new Regina Spektor song called Firewood. I was listening to it on my way to work. Parang sakto siya for this theme. Do you have the new album na?

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    2. I don't. I think I'm having a pop phase at the moment. Lulz. But I will look that up. :)

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    3. James: Well, she pushes the pop boundary with this record. Either that or it's the emperor's new clothes all over again. lolz

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  17. Hay Nyl. There are so many things I want to say; but I'll just say it when we do meet. =)

    I think some things, we learn only as we grow older. The realization that there are limits; that we are finite. That there are responsibilities; the musts versus the wants.

    Anyway, I am pleased you are happy. Until the next ... time.

    XOXO
    K

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    1. Kane: "I'll just say it when we do meet. =)" Naku, kelan pa yun? haha diba may plans pa tayong i-ambush si Rudeboy nun?

      Lakas kasi maka-bipolar ng dreams. May moments na you feel so infinite, na you can do anything. And then there are moments where you accept your limitations and nakaka-suffocate siya.

      Until the next time talaga? Scary naman. haha parang last scene in a horror movie?

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  18. I'm lost without a map.

    Or my map is all blurry now.

    I don't know where to go.

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    1. Gervin: Maybe it's time to get a new map! lolz Ibang level naman kasi mapa diyan sa inyo. Testament to OC-dom!

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  20. Truly life needs direction. And without a map we will be lost. Our direction must be perceived, be understand. Life is a choice and we just need to squeeze it, opportunities are flooding, but our means in life should be our main priority..

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  21. I have thought of my body as a map, as you know from my writing :), but never my life. I love this idea and it is a concept that I think will float back to me in dreams. Bravo!

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    1. Amy: I remember that post. Brings back such wonderful memories. *googling*

      Thanks for the encouraging words. I really appreciate it. :)

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  22. I say we're all cartographers. Like before, when the world was believed to be flat and the edge is just somewhere, lurking. So men went for a voyage and the claim was proved wrong. It's always up to us to make our own maps and prove not only for the world but even for ourselves that many beliefs and claims are woefully wrong.

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    1. Desole Boy: I see that... I guess in one way or another, we're all making our maps. It's scary but how far we pursue our dreams is completely in our hands! Yikes!

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  23. I love maps and I blame my college Orienteering course and NatGeo for the doses of vicarious explorations I get now and then. Maps are useful for those who serve a purpose. Straight lines from point A to point B get me quickly to my destinations.

    But sometimes, I ditch the maps, the linear guides and grids, mental or otherwise. Shhh....I also aim to get lost. I just wander about on many levels----daydreaming, channel and web surfing or even simple aimless malling. Wala lang. No purpose. Flotsam and jetsam.

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    1. Twelth Curators: Ooh! A new face (or is it faces?) Welcome to my blog! :)

      Orienteering? Sounds painful! Maybe it wasn't. I'm just pretty bad at all the studying stuff. haha

      Ah, to get lost. It's one of my biggest fears but in precise moments, I find it's pretty calming as well. Depende nalang siguro sa trip mo. haha

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  24. awwwww! it made me think of a lot of things... ang dami kong gustong gawin, na i have ideas (or what common sense would tell us) of what should be done to get there pero di ko naman ginawa or walang ginawa at all, out of katamaran (maybe?) and being scared na not everything might go according to plan...
    pero by me not doing anything at all, it's just like me killing my own dreams. i may not be able to draw my map to success, but i can probably do one thing that i'm good at: asking for directions. (huwaaaatt?? hahaha)
    tara! let's make all our dreams come true!!!!!!! i'm gonna tell you mine when we meet again!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sin: As they say, we're not getting any younger. Let's grab life by the balls! Or let's just grab balls. Chauce. Antagal ko pinag-isipan yung joke na yun..

      Sometimes it's laziness. Sometimes it's other things. Siguro when I wrote this post, I was just filled to the brim with optimism. Ang hirap lang i-sustain.

      Let's meet this weekend! Masaya to!

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    2. grabe late ko na nakita toh, nauna pa tayong magkita before reading this hahaha :D at hindi ko pala nabanggit sayo noh kung ano dreams ko? hehe

      korek, madaming factors, pero go lang dyan sa optimism i support!

      meet tayo this weekend! or whenever pwede hehe :D

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    3. Sin: Malapit na birthday mo! lolz Alam mo na yan...

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  25. at ang lahat ng ito ay dahil lang sa Singapura?

    tah ka!

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    1. YJ: Kurek! I edited the personal story out before I published it pero alam mo na yun. haha Ang sarap mawala!

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    2. teka hindi ko alam yan, may utang ka na saking kuwento hehe :D

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    3. Sin: Short version: nagka-mini crisis ako after I got home from Singapore. Parang ayaw ko na umuwi. lolz

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  26. I like this post. Parang totoo when you're reading it. Kudos! :)

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    1. agent1028696: Ooh! Another new face! Thanks for dropping by and leaving footprints. Welcome to my blog! :)

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    2. Might be a new face to you. But for me I'm not. I am reading your posts since then.

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    3. Ron: Astig! Well, I'm glad you started talking otherwise, I would've never known you were there! hihi

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    4. Yeah right. :)
      By the way,you may notice that I'm using lots of different name here. Well,I'm just getting started with my blog again. lol

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    5. Ron: Oh cool! And I see you're shifting to Blogger. Congrats!! :)

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    6. Heheh! I just found out na Blogger is more easy to navigate than other free blog sites. But still I'm keeping my wordpress. :)

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    7. Thank you nga pala. Hehehe!

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    8. Ron: You're very welcome. Blogger's a nice place and there are tons of cool people. :) May Wordpress din ako but I just use it to store more useless, journaly stuff. hehe I don't even bother to publish. Drafts lang. :p

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    9. It is so nice. Okay,happy blogging to me. LOL :D

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    10. Ron: I'll drop by this weekend when work's not so crazy. Exciting! :)

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    11. Okay,that would be great. Hehehe! :)

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  27. Great post. Looking forward to read more of your posts. More power to you.

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  28. Too many paths. Clones please. =)

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    Replies
    1. Spiral: That's cheating! lolz But then again, I've always wanted to game shark the foshizzle out of my life. :p

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