Wednesday, March 14, 2012

interlude: a story called three


“I just don’t think it’s fair,” Three said, avoiding any eye contact. “Your whole life turns to shit and you suddenly drop me. Like I didn’t matter. Like you didn’t care if I got to tell my side of the story or not.”

I sighed deeply. His words were difficult to swallow and so I borrowed some courage from the bottle of vodka on the table. He’s right. I know he’s right but I also know I’m not the only one to blame.

“You remember what that time was like for me, right? I couldn’t think of you when thoughts of him possessed my day. I couldn’t focus when every day felt like dying. It’s amazing I even made it out alive.”

“Seven months and not a word from you.” His beady eyes glistened in the moonlight. It was apparent he’d stopped listening altogether.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him. It was all I could afford. I knew that I’d done him wrong.

“So what happens now?” he asked. His voice betrayed a loneliness that was not unlike my own. “You’re okay now, right? Do you think maybe you could… maybe you could try again?”

I let his words marinate in my head. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it is time to finish what I started.

“Let’s go,” I said, my hand extended to him. “We’ve got work to do. How do you want to start?”

“I’ve got something but I think it may be a little melodramatic.” I looked at him and for the first time since I came to him, his eyes met mine.

“Kailan pa naging kasalanan ang umibig?” My fingers started dancing on my keyboard, my laptop barely able to keep up. The line was a little cheesy but it was his story to tell, not mine and so I left the line alone.

Think of your lovers and the distances you’ve crossed because your heart told you to. Think of nights when only tears brought you rest. In lucid moments where logic prevails, ask yourself this simple question. When has it ever been wrong to fall in love?

♫: Stars | Changes (2010)
Photo: The Scream / pixlr.com



BUZZ!!! About half a year ago, I began writing a series of stories. It was to have three parts, each one exposing an angle of the same story. (First part here, second part here) Because of circumstances I’d rather not revisit, I found myself unable to empathize with the third character of the story.

It’s taken me a while but I’m writing Three and finishing this series if it kills me. I’m giving myself until the end of the week. Lezzzzdooodeeeezzz!!!

6AM UPDATE. So I completely forgot that the whole point of this interlude was this question that I wanted people to answer. Early birds did not get to see the last paragraph (here). I’ve been struggling with this part of the character and any thoughts/insights would be very much appreciated. :)

63 comments:

  1. im glad natapos mo to kahit it pains you...and thank you for sharing these stories.

    soon magiging maayos din ang lahat :-)

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    1. Mac: Uy, nice to see you here again. Di ko pa siya tapos. Sana this weekend or early next week, mahuli ko na siya. haha

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  2. Oo nga sana matapos mo na to... At mahuli mo na sya!.. Hahaha... Makigatong ba? :-)

    JJRod'z

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  3. Heavy burden needs to be unleashed talaga.. It's a melodramatic story to tell, am glad you were able to pull it through.. Nice..

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    1. Tim: Wow, that's such a nice thing to say. Thanks! :)

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  4. Nyl, there are two reasons why I love your writing 1) your choice of words - 'borrowed courage from the vodka' and 2) parang "ako" yung isa sa characters mo, ramdam ko ang every line (maybe perhaps coz of what i'm going through right now)

    hay naku Nyl, it makes me wanna date you and steal you from your guy.

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    1. Rowell: May dating and stealing talagang nagaganap? Baka naman dahil dun sa picture na sinend mo. haha

      Anyway, I appreciate what you said. It's always nice to hear such kind words. hehe

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    2. Hay naku, heto na naman po kami. Makukurot na kita sa singit if I honestly thought you're just fishing for a compliment. Pero uulitin ko, it's not because that you look like my 'ex' but because of YOU.

      Magpadala kaya ako ng picture ko?

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    3. Rowell: Sorry naman. haha please don't pinch me sa singit. Masakit yun! haha

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  5. Replies
    1. LOF: Not if I can help it (assuming you're referring to Three) haha

      In unrelated news, I thought that Meryl/Goldie movie was divine! :)

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    2. i actually had to google your unrelated comment to realize it was related. lol

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    3. LOF: And here I was thinking you'd seen this movie for sure. It was before I had any concept of camp. lolz Plus say Meryl Streep and I'm so there. :p

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  6. It is not a mistake to love somebody. It's more of a risk. :)

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    1. LJ: Iniisip ko din yan. What if it's really bad na alam mong makakasakit ka ng madaming tao? If you still do it, is it still a risk?

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  7. love itself is not a sin. in fact, from Scriptures we learn that God is love. love and loving someone, for that matter, only becomes problematic if it is directed towards the wrong person. am i making any sense at all?

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    1. Travis: Wow, may biblical reference talaga? It'll be interesting to see this play out. The next theme is Criminal mind. haha

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    2. travis sensya na pero gusto kong mag-react dito.

      tho you're entitled to your opinions etc etc, but do you honestly believe that preaching/sharing in this gay blogsphere can amount to anything?

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    3. Rowell: Napalunok naman ako ng bonggang bongga dito. haha teka, magsusuot lang ako ng sash at tiara.

      I respect your views... both of them actually. I'm just not sure how this should play out. On the one hand, we all acknowledge that God is love. But then I also happen to know a lot of people who claim to be close to Him pero they will say that being gay is against His will.

      I was raised in a Christian home. Super conservative, blah blah blah... It took me a while to understand that these things about me are not wrong. I believe it was in me when I was born and since God made me, how can these feelings be wrong?

      (People like sina Victor and Wandering Commuter will fight this idea. haha We had a really intense conversation about this over beer and they believe it's in your environment when you grow up and in the choices you make. Needless to say, the conversation did not end well haha)

      Now as for ^Travis' comment, I'm not entirely sure I know what he means by "wrong person." When I first read it, I didn't really think he was referring to being gay. I assumed he was talking about falling in love with someone who isn't right for you. It didn't strike me as preaching.

      Now if it turns out that he was, then that's a completely different story altogether.

      And world peace.

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    4. yayaaaaaaa, gosh, can you make sabi to the doc to have an ambulance sent?!

      i'm having an aneurysm na kaya here!!!

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    5. rowell, deary, i do not know if i should be flattered that you have actually considered my comment as a mini sermon/homily. nonetheless, i thank you. bow. you have suggested a splendid idea just in case i needed a career change.

      i find it hilarious because even i, myself, know that i am the last person on this earth who can be considered a preacher or a prude or a paragon of virtue. on issues of morality and about the true, the good and the beautiful, i am irrelevant, immaterial, impertinent ( i just had to borrow that line from Justice Cuevas). my blogposts provide sufficient proof for this.

      finally, it is noteworthy to point out that not a single word about sin or hell or anything referring to gay or hetero as sinful or abominable was included in that comment. in fact, i consciously and deliberately used the word "problematic."

      nyl, thank you for understanding my comment perfectly. you are brilliant as always.

      ♫ ♫ ♫l♫ ♫ ♫...let there be peace on earth and let it begin with moi...♫ ♫ ♫♫ ♫ ♫

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    6. So I had a dream about these comments. haha ako na ang affected.

      Ternie: Tell the ambulance to stop by my place too. Baka kailangan ko narin magpa-tingin! haha

      Travis: So this whole thing was just a misunderstanding. Good we got that out of the way. I breathe a sigh of relief and smile. :)

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    7. di ko alam if i should handle this with grace and elegance or isang balahuraang pananalita especially na-felt ko ang condescending sa tone mo. tapos meron kang disclaimer sa huli na peace. baklang 'to! tseee

      Travis, sweetie, I just asked you a question. I can see that you're smart enough not to equate gay, sin and hell. (at kailangan pa daw ba ng proof churva?)

      And I did not suggest you change career. ewan ko sa'yo. masyado kang malalim mag-isip for your own good. kaya nga me "slash" sharing eh.

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    8. Okay boys, let's take a small breather. I think everyone just needs to take a step back, relax, and chill. :) I've been reading our exchange and it seems to me like this was all just a misunderstanding. Let's shake hands and get along again, k? Please? :(

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    11. oh another one! this time i shall use Taglish for easier comprehension.

      hahaha. gosh, i had to delete twice, may glaring grammar errors eh, na-proofread ko na. alam mo ba yung "proofread?" hindi brand ng make-up yun sa parlor ha.

      salamat at tinawag mo akong "sweetie", deary. ganyan talaga ako matamis hindi katulad mo, talo pa ang papaitan na nilagyan ng ampalaya, sa lasa.

      sa susunod kase magbasa ka muna bago ka pumuna ng comment ng iba. inuuna mo kase ang paglalandi kay nyl, na alam mo namang may boyfriend, kaysa ang pag-intindi sa comment.

      at kung binalikan ka, don't take it like a palengkerang bakla, take it like a decent bakla. deal with the issues in the discussion and never resort to name-calling. you give all decent bakla's a bad name. you are a living insult to all our pink forbears. just to let you now, marunong din akong mang-balahura. inumpisahan mo, tatapusin ko.

      it is useless to counter your new arguments or non-arguments. non-sequiturs, scatterbrained. they seem, after all, to be the work of a moron, with the scientific name Bobonica herrera (and i am being merciful and indeed very condescending here, i could have said imbecile or idiot).

      lucky for you, a highly-evolved being like me only stoops to the level of euglena twice a year. my quota is full. baka sumikat ka pa eh, your only aims after all are to comment, to attract attention and to send pictures in the hope of getting a lay - in Filipino, gusto mo lang mahada si Nyl.

      oh well, the world is full of desperate and hungry organisms.

      o ano bayot, sige, check mo na sa google, wikipedia, dictionary.com ang lahat ng hindi mo maintindihan. matatagalan ka i'm sure.


      Nyl, pray do tell, how does one shake hands with a single-celled parasite? and bad, bad boy, you are, for not doing what i requested! And next time, i will just send a fish to discuss, from its own perspective, the Battle of Mactan - that will be more interesting than this useless endeavor which is taking too much of my precious time.

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    12. Travis: Sorry, I've been thinking about what I should do to this thread. I considered locking the post for new comments, moderating new ones or deleting it altogether. At the end of the day though, it was Kane who said it best. Freedom of speech and all that jazz. :p

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  8. I don't think loving is ever wrong, it's about the decisions you make, or how you act on it. Some people are just so consumed by the love they can give and the love they receive from a person that it becomes hard to think rationally.

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    1. RZ: I think you make an interesting point. Siguro medyo mahirap lang siya sabihin sa mga tao na ang excuse eh "I did it because I was in love" chuchuchu... haha If the decision you made because of love harmed you in the end, do you blame yourself or just love in general?

      Wow, tumitindi yung conflict sa ulo ko. Now I don't even know how the story will play out. haha

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    2. I'll blame myself, most definitely. Kasi for me, love is a concept. It doesn't have an ability to make decisions, but I do. Haha.

      Kanya-kanya naman though--I still know a lot of people who see love as an unstoppable force which just takes over them or something, I guess.

      I'm sure it will come to you. Excited nakong makita kung paano. Gow! Hahaha. :D

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    3. RZ: Well, I blame myself mostly too. lolz

      You should meet Victor. He's all for the throw-yourself-in-the-midst-of-danger kind of love. I've always been the type who keeps one eye open at night.

      Gawsh, I need to stop listening to Rachael Yamagata. References to her songs have begun to rule my life. :)

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  9. Don't you have a book deal or something?

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    1. James: Oh sweetie, you're too sweet. Sana nga meron diba pero it's really hard to penetrate the Filipino lit scene. Or I just don't have the right connections. lolz

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    2. Or, you're not sleeping with the right people.

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    3. Kane: Ay bet! haha parang Marilyn and peg? I didn't want it to get to that point. Unfair naman if I use my super hot body to attract lit agents. haha

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  10. This line is intense: “Kailan pa naging kasalanan ang umibig?” I dream of saying that line someday, hehe :D

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    1. Andy: I think it sounds like a line in one of those old school Sharon Cuneta movies. haha Lemme know if you ever get to use it. I'm real curious what it sounds like in real life. :)

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  11. And this is a new series. I've revisited the two other posts, nakita ko nagcomment pala ako so technically nasubaybayan ko rin..

    I got a post days ago, the thought of my answer to your last paragraph here is somehow in there. siguro, minsan ang mali rin ay ang taong minamahal.

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    1. Green Breaker: Haha that happens to me a lot too! :) Sometimes I have to check if I've left a comment to see kung nabasa ko na. I guess that's what you get for bloghopping a lot.

      And why didn't I see that post? The last one I remember reading was about the hot borta in your building. lolz Mabasa nga mamaya...

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    2. Hahaha. Well, active na active ako nun because birth month ko/natin yun. The hype. If you get why I'm trying to say..

      Uhm, probably you were just busy. Haha. I had a post right after that so ayun. But nothing fuzzy, its all about how love sometimes (okay, most of the time) makes our world go round.. :p

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    3. Green Breaker: Well that explains it. lolz

      Sounds interesting! I'll put it in my to do list. haha Can you tell my work to stop coming first. Madami-dami pa akong ibbloghop dapat. :x

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    4. ikaw na ang napakasipag mag-bloghop kuya. hahaha. sabagay ako rin these days nahihilig magbasa-basa.

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    5. Green Breaker: Hahabol ako sa weekend. lolz I have 60+ unread posts in my RSS feeder. :(

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  12. "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."


    - toulouse-lautrec (from the movie moulin rouge)

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    1. Geek: Oh I love that movie! It's actually a line from Nature Boy right? Siguro it's only wrong when you don't get the second part of the line. (?)

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  13. kasalanan lang kapag may natatapakang iba. unless dominatrix and masochism ang kanilang fetish hahaha CHOS! :D
    nice! would love to see the rest of it! :)

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    1. Sin: Eww! Anong ibang matatapakan? Ito ba ay may stilettos involved? lolz

      Yes, I'll work on it as soon as work clears up. haha

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  14. stitch all the walks and steps and climbs and time. I won't call that distance. perhaps more accurately just speed over time.

    distance instead is silence multiplied by length of time.

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    1. Gian: I'm not good in math so it took me a while to get it. haha wait, buffering pa...

      When I said distance, I meant things we do because we love. But I never thought about its other meanings. The amount of time we spend in silence counts as distance? Reminds me of Lisa Loeb's definition of love. She says the time between meeting and finally leaving is sometimes called falling in love. :( I wish it weren't as prophetic as it really is.

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  15. It is not the loving that is the sin. It is in the how we love; the actions we take to express that love and perhaps to fulfill the desire to be loved back.

    Are we following? Good.

    "When has it ever been wrong to fall in love?" you asked. The line is a little cheesy, I agree. Certainly, when we were young we may have felt that, when we knew little of love and its mysteries. But we aren't anymore, right Nyl?

    I see your scars. You see mine.

    Kane

    But

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    1. Kane: So just like in that Nokia commercial, it's not love but what you do with it. haha

      Yes, following clearly.

      Question is, do all people consistently grow up when it comes to love? I've known quite a few Peter Pans in my lifetime.

      Like I tweeted, dear Kane, it's freaky how well you know me. We see each others scars. I guess that's why we get along so well. lolz

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  16. Love is and will never be a mistake Nyl :)

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    1. Oh yeah. Remembered the previous posts. Was wondering where the third part went LOL.

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    2. Rei: That's the part I've been struggling with. Aside from all the personal angles this story borrows from me, I can't seem to find a way to justify Three's actions. Idk, I'm a little past my deadline but I figured if I'm gonna do this, I've got to do it right. Oh well, it's back to the mountains for me again. :)

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    3. Okay. But first define mountains. LOL

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    4. Rei: Drawing board? lolz I've been a little thrown all weekend. Pardone moi. :(

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    5. Aaah. Hehe. No pressure. That happens to everybody :)

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  17. we just to get these scars in order for us to learn, and with these, we get to learn what is the right thing to do,

    all you did is love, there is nothing wrong with that,

    :)

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    1. TR: Thanks man. Scars, what an interesting angle to look at no?

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  18. Pahada ka pala Nyl eh! LOL

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    1. Anonymous: Pakyu ka, Glentot. hahaha

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