Friday, January 7, 2011

sorry story

Lisa Hannigan / Damien Rice  
Silent Night  
O  

In the darkness, my hands move. I tap on the walls, feeling, searching for the wooden door. From afar, I can hear a faucet dripping. Its hollow sound is like the beat of a song lost in time. It is almost silent, save for the jingling of my keys. The rusty hinges moan as I open the door.

Story, my prisoner, is lying naked on the table. Her plate of food remains untouched near the window. The moon illuminates her body, her breasts sullen but plump in the pale light.

I close the door behind me, the midnight wind howling through the small cracks. “You haven’t been eating,” I say to her.

“You didn’t come back.” Her voice betrays a pain familiar to me. It is my own, only amplified.

“I was busy.”

“You forgot about me.”

“I came as soon as I could.”

“I could’ve died here, you know. You’re lucky I’m still here.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I come closer. Her face is covered in sweat. I shush her, my fingers running through her hair.

I feel a sharp pain on my left hand. Story is biting me. Her legs tense up as she musters all her strength. I cry out in pain. I beg her to stop but she doesn’t. I slap her with my free hand.

“Story!” I bark. “You weren’t supposed to do that. You were supposed to play nice.” She lets go of me. My ruby blood drips to the stone table.

“Do I repulse you?” she asks without looking at me. “Do you find me ugly?” Her thin hands seem translucent as they run through her body. Her right hand rests on her breasts, her other fondles her crotch.

“It’s not that, it’s-

“You forgot about me!” she interrupts, shouting. “I waited for you. All these weeks, I’ve done nothing but wait. Someone told me you’ve been looking at other stories. Like you were gonna write them again. Have you forgotten that I’m still here, still unwritten?”

“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. She was right. I procrastinated too much. As the days go by, it has become increasingly difficult to commit her to paper.

“I was beautiful,” she whimpers. “Now look at me.”

“You’re still beautiful. I still think you’re beautiful. Come, let’s go. I’ll make us some tea and we can write you down.”

“These past few weeks, I’ve been finding hate for you.” She seems proud to say this. It would’ve worked, had she not been crying. My heart breaks as I search for the right words to say.

“C’mon Story. It’s time. I’m sorry it took so long. Take my hand. I’ll help you off the table.” I offer her my right hand. She takes my left, the one that’s still bleeding. I wrap a blanket around her, both of us ashamed of her nakedness. As I help her up, I feel her ribs through her skin. Why didn’t she take care of herself?

“What kept you?” she asked. “It’s been weeks since you last wrote anything. The other stories have already left. They looked for other writers who weren’t so difficult.”

“I guess I was scared. I wanted to prove something. And it terrified me to write.”

“Why were you so scared? It didn’t used to matter if anyone liked us. You would catch a story, write it down, then catch another one and write that down.”

“I know,” I said, exhausted by this prolonged realization. “I wanted them to like me. I wanted it so badly. I used to write alone. Now it feels like I’m in a crowded room looking for a quiet corner. My eyes look through the booths and tables but they’re all packed.”

“They shouldn’t matter,” she whispers in my ear. As we walk out of the dark room, Story sings me a little song. It’s one I know from my childhood but she has changed the words.

Silent night, broken night.
All is fallen when you take your flight.
I found some hate for you just for show.
You found some love for me thinking I’d go.
Don’t keep me from crying to sleep.
Sleep in heavenly peace.

“I’m sorry,” I say when she finishes her song. “It’ll be over soon. I promise.”

72 comments:

  1. yay! ako ang naunang mag comment. haha! :) welcome back nyl. hehe!

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  2. may naalala ako sa linyang ito''

    “I’m sorry,” I whisper as I come closer. Her face is covered in sweat. I shush her, my fingers running through her hair.

    welcome back Nyl,!!

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  3. im sorry if i wrote ahead even before i read this piece. this is beautiful again, nyl.

    you don't need to fret over these things, because everyone knows how rich your stories are. i hope that this is the start of more stories from you this year.

    you have to really feed and take care of story. because she is one of a kind. :)

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  4. Oh god I think this entry is so beautiful. Good thing nakuha agad ng shallow brain ko ang storya. Hahaha

    AND YOU ARE BACK!

    At ano yang nakita ko sa left side ng site mo?!!!

    Congratulations! [Ngayon ko lang kasi nakita. Hehe]

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  5. @Claudipoi: Nag-save talaga? haha

    Story, for all I've written about her, is still unwritten. haha Promise, nagkaka slight anxiety attack ako pag nakikita ko yung blinking cursor ng MS Word. Pero I think this is a start. And she's the only one who stayed. :c

    @Ahmer: Ano naalala mo? Uy, yung lomo natin ha. Next time. :)

    @Ronnie: Happy New Year! haha (super delayed din ako) Salamat ng marami! :)

    Thanks for welcoming me back, guys. Tuloy tuloy na to!

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  6. This one's just wonderful. Maybe because it captured exactly how I feel about writing sometimes (most of the time), especially with stories, which I never seem to finish.

    Happy new year and happy writing. :)

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  7. Thanks RZ! Here's to finishing stories! Let's not keep them locked up this year. haha I'm sure madami dami ka naring naipon. haha

    A once told me a story he heard. Stories daw can fly and if you don't write them down, they'll fly away to another person. Ang scary nung thought.

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  8. welcome back dear! Here have a mug of coffee!

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  9. Thanks Mr. Batchoy! Wala bang kasamang pambara! haha kahit your famous batchoy lang. lol

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  10. first time kung magcomment dito... weee... ang ganda ng last line... tapos yung silent night pa...

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  11. Hey KikoMaxXx! Thanks for dropping by! :) Welcome to my blog!

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  12. remember how I am waiting for you to publish a book? where have you been? lol i have missed you! stinking holidays...always getting in the way of blogs. rats.

    anyway, glad you are back :)

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  13. wowowowow! wala ka pa rin kupas idol! astig pa rin!

    welcome back! :D

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  14. the photo montage tells the opposite story.

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  15. binasa ko ito.
    at pagkatapos, napasulyap ako sa pba badge sa sidebar mo.
    "winner best literary blog", ang sabi.
    napangiti at napatango-tango ako.
    i couldn't agree more.
    you really, really deserve it!:)

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  16. a big round of applause..

    uber nice..
    ganda...

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  17. antagal nating hinde nag-update ah. welcome back sayu :) magaling pa rin as always. hehe.

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  18. @Corey: Aww Corey. You're too nice. Haha Anyway, the holidays were really good to me. Hope it was the same for you.

    @Nimmy: Salamat po!

    @LOF: Does it? Initially, it was just me filling in pixel space but then I realized it actually meant something. Perhaps all stories are available to us. It's just a matter of shutting the other voices up. Or I'm thinking about it too hard. haha

    @Aris: Awwww... Salamat Aris. Buti nalang di ka sumali. Baka kung ano nangyari sakin. haha

    @Kyle: Salamat po! Sorry, di na ako nakakadaan. Maya-maya, mag-iikot na ako.

    @Ceiboh: Salamat din po! Long time no hear ah.

    @Nowitzki: Oo nga eh. Ewan ko ba kung anong sumapi sakin at bigla akong natakot mag-sulat. Salamat sa pagbabasa! :)

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  19. haller! kung sumali ako e di inilampaso mo rin ako. haha! idol kaya kita and i share the joy in your triumph! :)

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  20. “I wanted them to like me. I wanted it so badly. I used to write alone. Now it feels like I’m in a crowded room looking for a quiet corner. My eyes look through the booths and tables but they’re all packed.”


    -> one for the quote compilation... ;p. happy new year and congrats!

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  21. @Aris: Nakaka-touch naman, Aris. Thank you for sharing the joy. I appreciate it. :)

    @Kaloy: Salamat! Happy New Year din!

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  22. This is very familiar. :)

    Happy New Year, too, citybuoy!

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  23. galing, kuya nyl! ganyan din ako, naagnas na nga lang 'yung naghihintay sa akin. haha.

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  24. @Spiral: Naka-relate? lol Thanks Spiral! :)

    @Gee: Sad no? Minsan, I try to jot down little ideas pero pag binabalikan ko na, they don't make sense anymore. haha

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  25. story (to nyl): you don't have to promise. you know i will always wait.

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  26. nyl (to geek): you're so sweet. i hope all our stories get told. :)

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  27. pwede ba kitang maging idol? ba't ang galing nito? how long does it take you to write such a wonderful article? if you don't mind, writer ka ba talaga? as in you're being paid for it? at hihingi sana ako ng tips kasi malapit na akong gumraduate. hehehehe

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  28. Hala, nakakahiya naman Ester. Hindi po ako writer, at least not professionally. Hilig ko lang siya talaga like most of us in the blogosphere.

    Tips? Naku. Patay tayo diyan. Para sakin kasi, medyo seasonal yan eh. May time na sobrang dali lang mag-sulat. May time naman na walang lumalabas. Siguro tanchahan lang. Write enough in your good season to tide you over the bad season (?) sorry, mema lang yan. haha

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  29. this is just beautiful nyl. simply beautiful. :)

    and i think the title is very intelligent.

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  30. brilliant, as usual. we miss your writings, nyl! :D

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  31. @lee: salamat! Medyo namadali ko nga yung title. Huli na nung realize ko double meaning siya.

    @will: and i missed everyone. Need to finish bloghopping soon!

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  32. grabe! medyo similar nafifeel ko, andame ko gusto isulat pero wala lang time.

    btw, ang tagal ko naghintay ng comeback after pba.haha :)

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  33. @citybuoy: once again, you mesmerized me. untold stories should be told. never fear if they will be adored. what's important is that you let them blossom and serve their purpose.

    it is beautiful nyl.i applause you.

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  34. She was naked. On the table. And she was bitching. I thought Story was a talking cat with PMS. And then I read the rest of this genius story, and I though it was brilliant in its relevance. It was something that we, as more or less procrastinating bloggers, can relate to. You gave life to one of our commonest habits. How very original! How very curious! And the writing was easy, and it employed simple words, and it was an effortless read in consequence.

    You should submit to Jessica Zafra's LitWit Challenges.

    Cheers Neil, Mabuhay Ka! Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

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  35. @RJ: Yun yata yung kinatakot ko eh. haha Baka anong sabihin ng mga tao. But anyway, salamat sa pag-basa at sa pag-validate na nakarelate ka. hihi miss u, rj!

    @Spiral: We should never be afraid of our stories. Cheers to writing a shitload of stories this year! *clink*

    @Rei: Thanks, Rei! You're so sweet. Yeah, sometimes I lose sight of my real intention for writing. Good thing Story's there to set things right.

    Oh and (belated) Happy New Year!

    @Momel: Like an angry female version of Talking Tom? lol

    Thanks Momel. I appreciate your comment. We don't really get a lot of technical feedback in the blogosphere so I'm really happy you said that.

    When are you cashing that rain check I gave you for last time?

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  36. I like how you fleshed out the subject matter here. My only concern is the point of view. You may consider changing the 'I' to third person. 'He' will add ambiguity to the story.

    First time here. Thanks for coming more than once to my blog.

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  37. Hey arian! Yeah, i actually thought about that din. Initially, i was addressing story directly but i wanted it to be as simple as possible since at the heart of the story, it is what it is but anyway... Babbling.. Haha i appreciate ur comment. Welcome to my blog!!

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  38. “I guess I was scared. I wanted to prove something. And it terrified me to write.”

    ay ang ganda nito, i love the honesty, and the feeling is familiar to us all, hehe.

    Ang ganda rin ng pic, did it come from elswhere or gawa mo?

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  39. Hey aleph! Salamat! Yeah, it was a picture i took in pagudpud using a lomo app. Honestly, it didn't do justice to the real thing. :)

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  40. i couldn't breathe whilst i was reading this blog. there's something confining about the imagery and cadence. having said that, i still finished it. buti na lang tinapos ko. it's so good!

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  41. Wow. Just... wow. I love this!

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  42. @john: aww john. That's the sweetest thing you've said to me. U totally made my day. Thanks!!

    @ela: thanks for dropping by! :)

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  43. Hmm ang pagsusulat eh parang pagmamasturbate. Kapag matagal kang hindi nagsulat, at nilabasan ka ng istorya, sobrang rich and creamy ang pupulandit at sisirit mula sa kaloob-looban mo... stop grinning, I'm serious...

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  44. oh well, nasabi na ni Glentot ang gusto kong sabihin hahahahahaha

    this somehow reminds me of Pornography (because of the conversation) and Reflections of a Kept Ape.... both from In Between The Sheets by Ian McEwan... :))

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  45. @Glenn: You know me too well. I was grinning like a madman. It's a good thing you said you were serious. I had to rethink the stuff you mentioned in your comment. haha

    @YJ: The titles make it sound very interesting. I'm all for porn and animals reflecting in captivity. lolz

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  46. Happy New Year! Where have you been? Don't tell me you visited the queen. Tagal mo nawala ah. Haha

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  47. Why hello, Andy B. Yes, I went to London to see the queen. We had a few laughs over cups of earl grey and biscotti. tee hee

    Srsly, the holidays kept me. And I couldn't really write. So there.

    Happy New Year!

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  48. oh wow! wowowow! this is good! and something i'm sure all bloggers can relate to. aris has said what i would also say. and lol at glentot :)

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  49. I used to write alone too. There is a strange comfort in it that I really, really miss.

    And also, never let your stories go. They're lovely.

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  50. @RJ: We should totally hang out again. I haven't seen u in months!

    @Sean: Well, thanks for dropping by. I appreciate it. :)

    @Manech: I wonder what's stopping you from feeling comfortable when you write.

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  51. waaa~!! i feel bad for story.. and i feel bad for my own stories..never got the chance to write them... how do you know so much about yourself, nyl? you actually know how to put into writing stuff i don't know how to verbalize..

    welcome back. :)



    -key

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  52. heheh.(belated) happy new year too. I think everybody comes to that point when we lose focus. You're lucky to have Story beside you.

    By the way, you inspired me to write something. it isn't as good as yours but its the best i can do at the moment. thanks nyl. ^^

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  53. @Key: It's never too late, you know. Maybe they're still there hiding. :)

    About knowing about myself, I'm not so sure about that. I think it's quite the opposite. The journey to your intraperson (is that a word?) is quite deee-lightful.

    Thanks for welcoming me back. It's been a while.

    @Rei: Oh really? Sige, I'll check it out tonight. Sorry I haven't been bloghopping. Holidays and all that shiyett.

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  54. hey caloycoy! thanks for dropping by! :)

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  55. if only may "like" din dito katulad ng sa facebook.. i lalike ko tlga comment ni hidden mark. :D

    i know how you feel hidden mark...i know. :D


    super like kay NYL!!!!

    -key-

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  56. @Mark & Key: Grabe naman. lol Salamat. Nakaka-flatten este flatter. :)

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  57. hehe...ow yeah. you deserve it naman,eh. gu,gu,gu. :D


    -key-

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  58. that's alright. it's not like mawawala nman yung mga entries diba? heheh.

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  59. @Key: Salamat naman. hihi :)

    @Rei: Minsan oo eh. Pag di mo naisulat kaagad, nawawala. lol

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  60. hey, nyl! kamusta? long time. hope all is fantab! kitakits soon, aight?

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  61. Hey Angelo! Okay naman. Sorry, ngayon lang ulit ako nakadalaw sa blog mo. Grabe kasi work.

    Yeah, tagal na yang rain check na yan ha!

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  62. Silent Night is such a sad song. Thanks for making me feel sad. Just kidding! Haha, happy weekend! :D

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  63. @Andy: Did I make you feel sad? Oh crap. lol Happy Weekend to you too!

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  64. Wow, remarkable post. I've been reading this blog for a while now since your PBA win. You are truly an extraordinary writer, no need to worry. :) I just love this one! I am now finding my way back to creative writing and the path has been but smooth. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  65. @Clarriscent: Welcome to my blog! Thank you so much for your kind words. I'll check your blog out too. :)

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  66. Such a brilliant narrator! From ur posts, nare- remind sken ang sad and mejo happy na rin na past ko..tryin to move on though :) thanks! I'd like to read all ur post more soon..

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  67. @Mitch: Wow, this post takes me back. Salamat Mitch. :) Welcome to my blog!

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