Monday, November 29, 2010


Quiet Letters  

We live in a world full of lies. Every day, we run into liars and fakers and it’s easy to get lost in all of it. Sometimes, I feel like joining the party, like maybe that would make everything easier. I know all the lines by heart. It’s easy to fake a smile. But then I’d be lying too, wouldn’t I?

Last night in bed, I stared doubtfully at our reflection. You seemed so small and frail, like a child spooning a giant. Your left leg rested comfortably on my hip. Your face peeked from the valleys of my shoulder. It seemed I could squish you like a bug if I wanted to.

“Parang ang liit mo,” I said as I stubbed my cigarette into the ashtray.

“Ikaw na. Ikaw na matangkad.”

What I wanted to say had nothing to do with height. What I meant was I wasn’t really sure if you could take me. Adaptation makes the parts we need bigger and the parts we don’t, smaller. For years, I’ve cultivated my wrath, my bitterness and strength. It’s helped me survive. It’s helped me write. What makes you think it would be that easy to undo all of that?

I sighed, one of those long, pregnant sighs when you know I’ve gone crazy again. In my head, the questions kept burning. Why do you love me? I have nothing left to give. Why do you stay?

And then you kissed me.

You kissed me and I tasted truth. Everything, all the doubts in my head and the voices that tell me it’s not gonna work, they all faded away. These are lies, your lips taught me. Believe only in this, they whispered as you kissed our hands intertwined. Trust only this, they said as you kissed the left side of my chest.

You kissed me and I felt honest again. It was a quiet shift but I felt it. My lips formed a clumsy smile. My heart sang a quiet song.

On a journey of the heart,
there’s so much to see.
And when the sky is dark,
you’ll be right here,
right here with me.

We could fly,
you and I.
On a cloud,
kissing, kissing.

Photo Credit: robyn


  1. eeeeeeee... emo pero sweet! lavet! :)

  2. @LOF: It gets tiring, no? Oh well, life with a Leo. haha

    @Nimmy: Salamat!

  3. that was not a tiring *sigh* but the other kind: like the sigh of a relief valve.

  4. :)) Nagising ako dun, LOF. Yeah, it's a bit of a relief but it's scary too. haha I think I'm addicted to depression like Julia in Closer. I just read it in a blog post a few moments ago.

  5. this brings me back to the discussion of the neocortex and limbic brains discussion. we can't think our way out of our feelings. =P

  6. this is so sweet. :) its so...true..i guess is the best word.

    keep writing, please. :)

  7. Sweet sweet sweet!
    Tapos dagdagan pa ng music sa taas habang nagbabasa. Iba yung feeling.

  8. indeed, true love defies logic...what's important is the connection of souls and hearts.

    dont be afraid, idol. just enjoy the feeling. after all, you'll be building wonderful memories together..

  9. Isang marubdob na lipjuckan lang pala ang katapat ng pagmumuni-muni mo. Dahil diyan, next time na may sasabihin kang seryoso, bigla ka na lang lalaplapin para malimutan mo na. Tutal it works hahaha

    WV: rershnd
    "wrongsend" na parang naka-braces lang.

  10. @LOF: Neo-whu? ;p No, we can't but it sure is fun to try. lol

    @Corey: Thanks for dropping by again. :) Don't you just love it when we find that thing that keeps us honest.

    @Will: Yay! You played the song? Haha You know sometimes I wonder if anyone plays the song. lol

    @Anteros: True true. Siguro I just have to trust more.

    @Glentot: =)) omg ang aga-aga, napatawa mo 'ko. Gagu ka Glentot. Or should I say glencht para naka-braces din ako.

  11. Smile Korki!:) You'll find that life is still worthwhile. Yess.. labanan ang emo!

  12. sweet! :D
    isn't it nice that someone loves/likes us despite of what we say or look like? heheh

  13. Hey Ced! Is everything alright? Parang you said something like that sa latest post mo. Sinong umaway sayo? Resbakan natin.

  14. reminds me of Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You'. :)

  15. This is so sweet, Nyl! Gosh, feeling ko tuloy I wanted somebody to kiss me haha. Tagal na akong hindi nahahalikan (awkward) haha.

  16. mga potah kayo... kayo na ang may ganyang moment... sure na, sa ceiling mirror tinignan ang reflection...



    i miss you guys!!!

  17. @Alter: I love that song! Kaso in this case, the new guy winds.

    @LOF: Neocortex? Or Neocolors? haha 90's flashback!

    @Ronnie: Go go na! Kiss a stranger! hihi

    @YJ: Hindi ah! Sa dingding. Nasa dance studio kami ala Cassie's Me & U.

    Miss you too!

  18. lol. i thought you were making an obscure Matrix reference.

  19. You have a way with clarity Nyl. Something I am, honestly, not good at. For instance, this. I never would've known.

  20. oh! this is so sweet. beautiful!!
    I have no idea what "parang ang liit mo" and " ikaw na, ikaw na matangkad"
    .. XP

    keep on writing!!

  21. And oh. I'm guessing he's a really good kisser. :)

  22. Glad there's acceptance. Enjoy the kiss while at it.

  23. @LOF: Now that I think about it, it could be a Matrix reference. Although honestly, I never really understood that film. lol

    @Manech: I think we fine tune our senses to pick up different things. And yes, he's a very good kisser. lol

    @Ms. S.: Hello! Welcome to my blog! I've been thinking about how to translate it. There are some cultural references involved but it should be pretty close to this:

    Parang ang liit mo: You seem so small.
    Ikaw na. Ikaw na matangkad: You're tall. Whatever.

    @Peter: It's scary how I feel like it'll run out if I don't keep doing it. haha

  24. speaking of the limbic brain, our confusion with the aprosody of the comments is really an excellent comment on the power of emotions and our limbic birthright. blue or red, Nyl? lol

  25. Red pill! Any day of the week! haha

  26. Therefore I conclude that the solution to doubt is a kiss. :) Kidding! Glad to know you're happy and doubt-free. Parang magiging masaya ang pasko mo! Congrats! You deserve it. :D

  27. Also, you keep introducing all these songs that seem tailored for your posts. It's wonderful. :)

  28. "kissing" is my favorite. the song and the act. haha! at dahil sa sinulat mo, lalo ko itong naging favorite. sa konting salita at maiksing pagpapahayag, nabigyan mo ito ng mas malalim na kahulugan. wow! :)

  29. Hey Spiral! Salamat! Sana nga di lang this year but every year! haha Nagpapaka-optimistic ako. Parang di bagay.

    And you played the song din? Yay! Sabi ko nga kay Will, I sometimes wonder if people play the song na ina-attach ko. Actually, this post was built around the song so parang baliktad. hehe

  30. Hey Aris! Sorry, di ko nakita agad comment mo. I think nilagay mo rin siya sa isang post mo. Tama ba? I love this song. Di ko siya mapapansin kung di siya ginamit sa soundtrack ng Sex and the City. Buti nalang at ginamit nila!

  31. korek. it was in my "mindoro sling" post. background music sa lovemaking scene sa beach. hehe! :)

  32. I remember now! haha *kilig*

  33. Awww, I am a sucker for happy love stories. The first few days, weeks, months are always the sweetest and easiest to write about. And we can feel it, and we smile in return, and we bless your good fortune. Remember, Neil, that as you are writing about it, then we will always read about it.

    Some of us didn't fare well, and that's simply the hardest to write about.

    Cheers You, Mabuhay Ka, and Muahness from Pasig Citehhh!

  34. @Momel: You so sweet, Momel. Because my work connection sucks, it took me several weeks to learn about what happened with you guys. Hope you feel better. You can always count on a cup of coffee with me if you need someone to talk to. I make sense on most days, as long as I'm not hungover.

    @MJ: I know right! Kissing rocks!

  35. Citybuoy and *name here* sitting in a tree,


    Gasgas na yung K-I-S-S-I-N-G eh hehehe...

  36. Kabaliw ka, Glentot! Ang halat mo talaga ever! haha At least consistent. :/

  37. Inlababo din kasi si Gillboard eh. hihi

  38. im lost upon seeing your nomination badge. you deserve it!
    hope you win!

    btw, oakwood is not affiliated with ascott or somerset..
    pero sina ascott at somerset, yan magkakamag-anak. sisterettes sila! hihi

  39. I like kissing. Kissing is fun. Hahaha. Stay in love. Enjoy.

  40. @Chyng: Awww thanks Chyng! You're too sweet.

    At hello, nominated ka din kaya! Did they email you na about tickets etc? It's in a few weeks na eh. Hope you win! :)

    Sisterettes ba? Maybe they had to give up the one sa Glorietta kasi malas na. haha Ewan, mema-theorize lang.

    @V1nC3: Hey! haha It is, no? Thanks sa pag-dalaw!

  41. hai naku nyl, ang sarap mong saktan. buti ka pa kasi. haha. :))

    nagegets ko yung sinasabi mo dito. sobra. minsan lang mangyari yan, kaya wag mo na bitawan.

    advice lang (kahit unsolicited): in the tug of war between your thoughts and that person's honesty, always choose the latter.

    because in the end, we all deserve to be happy.

    shet. na carried away talaga ako. ang ganda din kasi ng musika eh. hahaha. see you soooooooooooon! :D

  42. "And yes, he's a very good kisser."

    reeeeeaaaaaaaallllllly? hahhaha

  43. @Claudiopoi: Thanks for the advice. I'll do my best to do it. Yes, we all deserve to be happy. Minsan mahirap lang makuha.

    Like mo rin yung song? Yay!

    @Geek: Naintriga? ;p

  44. oooh.. the sweetest kiss can quash any doubt, quell any fear.. i so love kissing. it's more personal, emotional, romantic. basta i love kissing. ;)

  45. I really like kissing someone. I really do. :)

  46. “Ikaw na. Ikaw na matangkad.” Very trademark him.

  47. @Hidden Mark: So true. Parang it's more romantic than doing it no?

    @Kyle Cee: Yay for making out! lol

    @Victor: Tama. haha Weird, I forgot kilala mo din siya.

  48. nyyyyl! ang sweet nito!

    isn't it a wonder how one simple and gentle touch on the lips could mean so much? haaaayyyy =)

    "Why do you love me? I have nothing left to give. Why do you stay?" - imo, loving does not need any reason. it just is. =)

    isa pang haaaaaayyyy. kinilig ako nyl! hahahaha

  49. Tamaaah! We ought to be using our figurative heart but I guess I'm a little too logical. I always need to use my head.

    Salamat Lee! Balik kiligan lang tayo. :)

  50. @LOF: Fine. You know I always lose in these discussions anyway. lol

    @Ewik: Smile! :)

  51. Ikaw na. Ikaw na ang inlove! Ang sweet nito =)

  52. Hey CJ! You're starting to talk like him. lol Thanks for dropping by?

  53. I'm so happy to see blogs like yours. It's so original (pardon my use of the word--I've read so many blogs that seem to be a copy-pasting of entries). So much talent oozing here!Will definitely come back! :)

  54. @Layla: What an awesome way to start my day. Thanks for such kind words. :) Welcome to my blog! Followed you back.

    @Dorm Boy: Thanks din! Welcome to my blog. Ang cute ng layout mo. Parang FB. :)

  55. I've always wanted to have my guy be a little bit taller than me. Para kapag may emo-ments kami (most likely ako lang), I can just place my head on top of his shoulders when I'm sitting beside him.

    And someone tell me nga kung bakit kinikilig ako kapag may nakikita akong nagki-kiss? Parang recently lang nag-reach ng puberty eh. Hahaha. :)

  56. ikaw na matangkad. haha.

    "Why do you love me? I have nothing left to give. Why do you stay?"
    lol this is me this time. srsleh.

  57. wow. truly you have with words :)
    grabeh. kinilig ako dun ah.hehe.

  58. Aga naman ng Valentines post mo, hehe

  59. sigh! this was just like my monday with some guy. T_T congrats! Been a your silent reader for years!

  60. @Rei: Wala namang age ang adolescence, at least dapat wala. We should all feel free to be as young or old as we want. :)

    @Yohan: Well, for the happiness of everyone involved, I hope we both understand why they stay.

    @LOF: You're too sweet! Haha I replied na.

    @Helianthus: Thanks for dropping by!

    BTW, the new avatar is love.

    @Andy B.: Aga ba? Haha malay mo, pasko ng mga puso. chos

    @Adrian: Srsly? Wow naman, nakakatats. Thank you for always reading. I'll visit your blog din. :)

  61. masyadong mahaba at ang lalim na ng gabi. pero kahit sulyap lang ng mga ginamit na salita, mukang maganda talaga ang story. kaya naman e a-add kita sa blog roll ko at pramis, bukas, babalik ako dito. :)

  62. Ikaw talaga, nahalikan ka lang napakanta ka na agad. Bawal yan. lol

    Happy Monday!

  63. @Ester Yaje: Salamat! At welcome sa blog ko!

    @Andy: Bakit? Anong masama? haha

  64. yiiih bigla akong kinilig. wala lang hahaha

  65. Hey TheIcedFire! Salamat sa pag-daan at welcome to my blog!

  66. Thanks for this. I fell in love with every lines. Hook, line and sinker.

    1. Dalisay: Wow, this really takes me back! haha You're welcome! :)