Sunday, August 15, 2010

chances

Platinum Weird  
Taking Chances  
Platinum Weird (Unreleased)  

On nights like this when my mind won’t lend itself to sleep, I find myself thinking of you. There are many things to be said. Sometimes, the burden of the silent elephants in the room becomes too heavy to hold and I feel like if I don’t write it all down, I’ll somehow explode. And so I try, even though each word feels like a betrayal, each attempt fails at capturing what I see when I see you.

I escape into my imagination. We are at a park bench with a view of the city. It’s a view borrowed from a movie. There is a distance between us, perhaps because we are afraid to touch. We talk about menial things like the weather or how the birds fly from one side of the sky to the other. We talk about books and music. We talk about religion, politics and all other topics until there is only one thing left to talk about- us.

“I know you’re afraid,” I begin, constantly on eggshells. “It doesn’t really help that I’m scared shitless too. I just think that if we don’t give this a shot, we would be wasting everything.”

You are silent. I look at your spot on the bench and notice that you have your eyes closed. Even in slumber, you are so beautiful. I have never seen someone so at peace, so stunning it hurts, in my entire life. Gravity takes over and your head falls gently on my shoulder. I hold my breath so that my inhales and exhales won’t wake you up. I move only when necessary so that I would not shake you. Slowly, I feel your hand search for mine. For the first time, we touch. My fingers wrapped around yours, something tells me that if I don’t hold on to something, I might float away.

And if I had to spend the rest of my life holding my breath, our hands in embrace like two lovers lost in time, I wouldn’t really mind. I would never, ever mind.

Photo Credit: iamnotastalker

42 comments:

  1. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

    WV: stanic

    Ahahahahahahahaha!

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  2. let me join them in awwwww.

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  3. 500 days of summer? hehe

    damn, you had me in here:

    "We talk about religion, politics and all other topics until there is only one thing left to talk about- us."

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  4. The pacing in the narrative is very much like the love story - slow and drawn out. Does it make the pleasure more exquisite?

    And the pain?

    :P

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  5. but i love (500) Days of Summer!

    "This is not a love story. It is a story about love."

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  6. The bench scene is one of my favorites from 500 Days of Summer. Cool soundtrack too!

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  7. ahaaaayyyy... :"> kaka-in love...

    noticed the new header and color ;))

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  8. @Carlo, Rudeboy and Paci: Thanks for dropping by!

    @Désolé Boy: Yeah, it was one of my most favorite settings in the film.

    I think it's very important that we fall for someone we can talk to. Don't you agree?

    @LOF: But why? haha

    @Drew: Yes, it does. It's how everything is so subtle and fragile. It drives me crazy most of the time.

    As for the pain, I try not to think about it too much. There's so much of life to be lived. I think I've already written too much about it.

    @Alterjon: Ooh! Another fan!

    @Andy B.: It's one of my most favorite soundtracks evarr! Did you listen to Sugar Town? It's an iTunes bonus track. It's super cute.

    @Lee: Thanks! I felt like a change din kasi I didn't want to write too much about emo anymore. Pinalitan ko rin yung music player. hehe

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  9. "And if I had to spend the rest of my life holding my breath, our hands in embrace like two lovers lost in time, I wouldn’t really mind. I would never, ever mind."

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  10. "Even in slumber, you are so beautiful. I have never seen someone so at peace, so stunning it hurts, in my entire life."

    I wanted to live within these paragraphs, Nyl. Beautiful. :D

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  11. I wish to have the same courage soon.

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  12. @LOF: Oh, okay. Haha I thought it was a bad kind of loss of consciousness. hehe

    @Manech: Oh do you? Perhaps you can? Perhaps you are (?) haha Thanks for dropping by.

    @Pipo: It's mostly borrowed. haha When the bit of truth behind this post happened, I was empowered by a shitload of alcohol. haha

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  13. if i had to spend my life holding my breath...

    hay, it would be great to find that love. cheers nyl! :)

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  14. Thanks, Darc! I hope we all do. :)

    How've you been? It's been a while since you posted anything.

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  15. this entry is so sweet, i can relate with this. funny how it is easy to imagine saying these words than saying it in front of the person that matters

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  16. I agree. Hindi ko pa kasi lubos masabi sa taong yun. Pero feeling ko naman alam na niya yun.

    Sana pwedeng mag-publish post sa tao no? haha ang dali siguro nun. Tapos pag may mali, edit edit lang. :)

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  17. "We talk about books and music. We talk about religion, politics and all other topics until there is only one thing left to talk about- us."

    You just reminded me of someone. Hahaha. :))

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  18. I swear the first three paragraphs remind me of a post with lines like these...

    "I would like to go home with you. I would like nearness without the element of astonishment, because the doors to my happiness are shut and words fail me in your presence. I would like to sleep in the folds of your eyes, wake up as a speck of dust nestled in your shoulder, or in your barren hand—

    that I would struggle to tame."

    aaaaaay translation na pala yan... let me put it this way... the first three paragraphs remind me of the original post, the one written in Filipino.... bwahahahahahaha

    anyhow, bakit ganyan ang ending? mas bet ko yung totoong nangyari, yung totoong dahilan kung bakit hindi ka humihinga ng matagal.... bwahahahahahaha

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  19. Find me bare, naked, in these words. Supine and prone. I will immerse myself in these words, for in these words there is truth, and honesty. There is precision that cannot be denied, however painful the reality it spelled.

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  20. aaww, lucky are those who are in love.
    bonus nalang yung you're loved in return.. ♥

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  21. Awwwwww. Gusto ko yung ginaganto ako HAHA. Kasi naman si Sir Rego ayaw pa ako ligawan! Haha. Maharot lang. =D

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  22. Aww that pic is one of the sadder scenes in the movie right? The saddest being the one where he had to run away from the party while Regina Spektor sings in the background... "never ever saw it coming at all..."

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  23. beautiful...short...but sweet!

    finally...a new love is about to begin...im happy for u.

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  24. @YJ: That's Victor's translation of Manech's Ilahas, right? Wow, that's quite an honor! Thanks Jeff!

    At ano ang dahilan bat di ako humihinga? haha

    @Red: Ooh, haven't seen you here in a while. As always, your interpretation is a post in its own. Thank you for dropping by! :)

    @Chyng: It's so Moulin Rouge. I love it!

    @Ronnie: Go for the gold! 2010 na. Pwede na babae ang manligaw! lol

    @Glentot: Yeah but it's also the scene that made the most sense.

    Are you talking about the expectations vs reality scene? That's my favorite. At napansin mo talaga yung scoring ha. Ms. Spektor has quite the knack for penning songs.

    @Mac: Relate ba? Palibhasa in love. Yikeeee... :)

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  25. again, your words is like a clear painting of the situation. feels great to be in love dba? hehe so what happens next? :D

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  26. Nyl,

    How interesting. So even in your imagination, he still wasn't conscious when you finally had the courage to talk about yourselves.

    =)

    Kane

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  27. As expected, beautifully written.

    ficklecattle.blogspot.com

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  28. @Ced: I don't know. When you're filled to the brim with possibilities, everything's scary. Siguro dahan-dahan lang. haha Mahirap na mawala lahat, diba?

    @Kane: Haha I guess it was my mind's way of being safe, of not coming up with a clear solution to what it detects as a problem. It's like how in some dreams, you have faceless people. We don't even bother to come up with concrete facial details lest we color the dream too much.

    @Fickle Cattle: Thank you for dropping by! :)

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  29. "It doesn’t really help that I’m scared shitless too. I just think that if we don’t give this a shot, we would be wasting everything.”


    Shet. Malapit na ko sa mala-gantong situation. Ang gondoh lang, Nyl. Haha. :D

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  30. funny...

    while reading the post, i was on "tiptoe", trying not to disturb the serenity of this post...

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  31. Let me just put more thought into this.

    If even in our fantasies, we want to be safe, how can we ever be brave in the real world? To face the truth even if it's the one we are afraid of.

    Then again, perhaps some of us are content with dreaming, for in our dreams, there are no unhappy endings. There are, in fact, no endings.

    Just one fantasy of a life, one after the other. Where our lovers fall asleep on our shoulders.

    =)
    Kane

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  32. I didn't notice that I was smiling reading your blog until I saw my reflection on the blank part of the screen of my laptop. This one is really sweet. It didn't seem that the author was trying hard to deepen the words just to show the spirit of love that's inside him. I dig it. It's love.

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  33. @Yohan: Ayun naman o. Ang pag-ibig nga naman. Parang mangga. Seasonal! lol

    @Geek: In fairness, I needed to be in a really quiet place to write it. I had several false starts but I had to abort kasi ang ingay.

    @Kane: There's another version of this which maybe someday I'll rework into a post. It talks about being afraid and withdrawing into your imagination. In that imagination, there's flight and other fantastical things. I thought it was a little too much. I was haplessly trying to capture the feeling of new love where everything is scary but exciting. I don't know if I was able to do that. haha

    @Silly_Sili_Kid: Ooh! A new face! Thank you for reading. It was terribly overwritten to make it seem underwritten. haha Welcome to my blog. :)

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  34. Nyl, hehe. I was just curious ha. =) I like to reflect on what you write.

    @Silly_Sili_Kid: Well, well, well. Looks who's here.

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  35. arrgghhh now i know why that pic looks familiar.

    "it was meant to be... it's just wasn't me you were right about..." how will i forget that line. :(

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  36. @Kane: It's completely fine. I love it when that happens.

    @Ced: Click mo yung link where I got it from. It's funny. They tried to look for the bench talaga. There's a plaque now that says it was in a movie.

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  37. And if I had to spend the rest of my life holding my breath, our hands in embrace like two lovers lost in time, I wouldn’t really mind. I would never, ever mind.

    --> This got me... Just finished watching Notting Hill, an almost similar part in the end when Will was holding a pregnant Anna's hand... Hmmmm, makahanap nga ng bench...

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  38. ""We talk about religion, politics and all other topics until there is only one thing left to talk about- us.""

    ---gusto ko tiong part na to. kinilig ako pagbagsak nung word na US.haha. I imagine the awkward feeling and the void between each words and the park...biglang pumasok yung scene nila John Lloyd and Bea sa KL Malaysia.

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  39. @Kaloy: Welcome to my blog! haha Oo nga ano, the park bench has been such a big part of romantic movies since forever. Baka yun lang pala ang secret.

    @Antonio: Is that in I Miss You Like Crazy? haha maka John Lloyd-Bea ka pala. Maraming kilig moments sa movie na yun pero siyempre iba parin ang appeal ng One More Chance.

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