Monday, May 24, 2010

fix me



Growing up, my mother told me that men are more logical than women. They cannot be bothered with trivial things like emotions or tears. If it’s broken, a man would know what to do. Sometimes I wish I had a motor. That way, if anything didn’t feel right, I would know what to do.

If a car won’t start, you check the battery, the starter, the engine, the tubes and whatnot. Once you locate the problem, you isolate it. Once that’s done, you determine if you can fix it on your own or if you need a mechanic. Then you start the car again and see if it’s better. If it’s not, go back to step one. Point is, there’s always a solution even if in the end, you would have to scrap the whole thing.

But I don’t have a motor and so while I feel like there’s something wrong with me, I don’t quite know how to fix it. My days are filled with dark clouds. In your arms, you have but one question. Are you okay? Mostly, I am but how do I even begin to explain that sometimes, I am just unhappy? Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. I am, I would lie unconvincingly and that was that. You knew not to press my buttons too much lest I get too annoyed and stop talking altogether.

And it’s not like I can just scrap the whole thing. My heart pumps blood to all my other organs. So while I seem to be walking around without a heart, it’s still there. It’s slower and there’s a funny ticking sound inside. Tic toc tic-tic toc, it says instead of tic toc tic toc. It tells the whole world that I’m broken.

Sometimes I wish I really had a motor. I would fix it, make the parts shine then I’d call you up so I can give you the kind of love you truly deserve. I’m sorry my heart is not an engine and with all the will this little ticking thing can muster, I wish you’d stay right where you are.

Photo Credit: Man Fixing Car

Coldplay
Fix You
X&Y

39 comments:

  1. ganyan talaga pag summer, ang mga tao blue to achieve homeostasis. hahaha..

    well, follow the Freudian principle. maybe you just lack sex? hehehe..

    oi ask ko ba, how can i add music like the ones you have in your post footer. Pwede hingi ng idea? thanks.

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  2. "the highest good is like water. water gives life to the ten thousand things and does not strive. it flows in places men reject and so is like the dao." -老子 (道德经 Ch. 8)

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  3. i don't know what to say. hug na lang kita, my friend. everything will be fine. soon. i hope. :)

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  4. @MJ: or it could be a little bit of both. haha

    The player itself is from skreemr.com. I just sort of mod-ded it up by adding a picture and a table.

    @LOF: I wish i could be like water then. I wouldn't be so antsy.

    @Aris: Thanks! Hugs back.

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  5. crispy pata or tokwa?

    sige magiging tubig ka daw teh, pero tubig kanal... nyahahahaha

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  6. Alam mo kasi, lights will guide you home and minsan they will ignite your bones.

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  7. @YJ: Tokwa, friend. haha parang malinaw na ang desisyon ko.

    @Glentot: Hoy, wala ka pang blow out. Videoke tayo!

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  8. sometimes, the hardest thing to do is troubleshooting yourself.

    *hugs*

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  9. if only it were that easy. thanks, ternie!

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  10. pwede ba ireformat na lang para mas madali?

    *hugs*

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  11. wish i could say something.

    *hugs*

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  12. we all have our blueprints laid out in front of us. take time to analyze it's schematics. let it mold and you'll start forgetting small details of who you are. ;p

    *bite*

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  13. there are some, that regardless of how broken they are, someone stays for them.

    have a little faith... ;)

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  14. @LOF: haha and there are a lot of us who know the feeling. lol

    @Curiouscat: pwede. kaso malolose mo yung data mo. eh medyo importante din naman yung lessons. lol

    @Engel: ichokey. daming naghu-hug ah. di kaya chinachansingan niyo na ako. j/k =))

    @Alterjon: But then again, they say we look inward for the most distant view. IDK, magulo utak ko ngayon hehe

    at bakit may kagat? to offset the hugs?

    @Nummy: Thanks! :D

    @Geek: I think I found one. Kahit winarningan ko na, andito parin. hehe Well, we'll see.

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  15. The imperfections of one, could be the most endearing nuances to another. If he cares for you, he will do so, not despite but rather in spite of, your myriad nuances. Imperfections that spell the libretto of your being. Notes and inflections that create a melody he cannot deny.

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  16. don't underestimate yourself. you are who you are.

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  17. Hi Nyl, lemme hug you na lang.

    And oh, I love this song. =)

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  18. eeee nakow,
    haaaaaaaaaaaayst.
    ako din, sana alam ko din kung pano... to fix this.
    Ang tanong, meron pa bang kailangan i-fix?

    o kailngan na ng BAGO?

    ayoko, gusto kong ayusin.

    ' - '

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  19. @Red: I guess it's finding someone to accept you for who you are. Jusme, hanggang kailan ko magiging theme song ang Love Me For What I Am? haha

    @Ruby: But if I can still be fixed, why not diba? hehe

    @Ronnie: Yay! Coldplay love. :D

    @Gege: Palitan ang ayaw! Haha

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  20. you want to know a secret? other people - men - feel the same way. :)

    don't stress yourself too much, nyl. :)

    big hugs for you, kid!

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  21. yeah, i'm good. thanks angelo. :D i guess we all have issues like this sometimes.

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  22. its ok to be blue sometimes. just continue to hope for something better i guess.

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  23. at the risk of over-generalizing, i sometimes think it's what makes us human. i dunno. just my two cents.

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  24. yeah---ask her to just stay there...and wait if she could----coz it's too risky to love if you know you have a lot to fix in yourself...I know that we enter relationships to be a better person but it would be unfair to seek love on the purpose of fixing yourself....

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  25. true. i guess i don't expect this relationship to fix me. kumbaga ayoko lang siya mawala. call me selfish pero i think we both benefit naman partly in this scenario.

    welcome to my blog! :D

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  26. nyl, alam mo bang nakailang type then erase ako para magcomment? pero ayun, walang nabuong konkretong mga salita.

    hug na lang. these too shall pass.

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  27. Bakit nakakabura? haha Thanks for the hug. Okay na ako. :D

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  28. There's only one solution I can think of: man, you need to get laid.

    Haha, just kidding. Happy weekend! :D

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  29. Nagulat naman ako sa suggestion mo. Don't worry. I'm fine in that, err, department haha

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  30. hey there. i think the people who commented here said it all. :) everything will be fine in time.

    i shall link you :)

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  31. thanks for dropping by! :D and for the link! :D

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  32. anything youd like to get fixed, call me. ok na sakin ang isang lala chocolate as bayad haha

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  33. wow! totoo? haha pwede ba ube nalang? favorite ko yun eh.

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  34. Hindi! Yung Ube na Lala. Masarap yun. hehe

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  35. Hi Roanne! Thanks for dropping by. I love this song too!

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