Monday, March 22, 2010

a letter from the future



This morning, I found my first gray hair. If I were in my twenties, I’d probably be freaking out but as it is, I am well of age and thus aware of the changes a human body makes. Truth is, I’ve been expecting it a little. Most people my age already have it and I was actually surprised it didn’t arrive sooner. There’s a part of me that feels proud to have it. It’s not so noticeable that people will stop or anything but I know it’s there- like that small bottle of whiskey you would normally keep in your nightstand for little emergencies or a piece of cake at the very back of a diabetic’s refrigerator. It made me feel a little more human, I guess and for that simple fact, I decided not to pull it out.

I went back to our room and saw you sleeping. You have quite a few gray hairs yourself. I wonder how long it would take to count them all. Would they be equal to the number of years we’ve been together ergo the number of years I’ve been stressing you out? Would it be equal to all the times we fought and made up? Or would it equate to the number of things that made me love you? Nah, I’d have to bleach your whole head for that.

It’s funny how when I was younger, I never thought I would find you. I can’t recall how many times I told my friends I didn’t believe in love anymore because I was lonely. Or how many times I would meet someone and pray so hard that they would be the one. But they never were for they weren’t you. If I had known that all that would eventually lead me here, I wouldn’t have been such a sad kid.

They say the most jaded people are also the most romantic. It’s not that they woke up one day and stopped believing in love. No, it takes more than that. I’d like to think that they were once true believers. But love doesn’t come easy for anyone and all those years spent searching for it has a way of taking its toll on you. They didn’t stop believing in love. No one ever does. I think they just stopped believing it could happen to them. I should know. I felt that way for many years.

Thank you for changing my mind. In a world where it seems everyone is out to get me, you are the only exception. One day, I’ll have not a single black hair left. I can’t wait for that day to come. When it finally hits me that I’m old and rusty, I know you’ll be there with me, hand firmly placed in mine as I watch it go down the drain.

---

There are three types of people in the world. Some people want to turn back the hands of time. They want to go back to the time when they were happy or when things were simpler. Some people are so happy, they wish they could pause time. Who wouldn’t want to linger in the climax of your life? Myself, I wish I could sleep and wake up in the future. I spend my waking hours pushing the clock’s different hands. My remaining comfort, if anything is the thought that this part of my life is only temporary. One day, I’ll be happy too.

Paramore
The Only Exception
Brand New Eyes

48 comments:

  1. this kinda reminds me of the movie click...

    but personally i kinda want to know and journey the journey of getting there... perhaps, i cant really say myself as the second kind. hehehe! paiba lang...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice thoughts to begin another week with. From death last week to growing old this time -- inevitables in life. Very insightful. Keep on loving life and him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ewik ~ mahilig ka talaga magpa-iba. haha i think we had a conversation about this. tama ba?

    @peter ~ welcome to my blog! thanks for dropping by. yes, let's all keep loving life. eventually, it'll love us back. :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ah, Nyl. Our affairs with the future.

    ReplyDelete
  5. what i like most about you is that you always believe in better days. (: we always learn and move. may it be in love or in life.

    cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. the most jaded as the most romantic... believing in love, but not for me... hmmm, makes me think about myself. but yeah, siguro when we meet the one, all doubts will wash away ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. again... the power of literature for allowing us to borrow memories from the future....

    kaso teh naimagine ko lang na ang pinapanood mong natutulog eh yung kinaiinisan natin at palaging pinag-uusapan.... bwahahahaha choz lang....

    ReplyDelete
  8. @victor ~ perhaps i'm a little obsessed with the future. haha

    @yas ~ but of course! what would happen if i stopped learning and moving? i don't wanna die, at least not yet.

    @darc ~ meanwhile, impatience is a bitch. haha

    @YJ ~ kung siya yung nakita ko, naku!! baka daganan ko ng unan mukha nun. haha

    ReplyDelete
  9. i remember when i saw my first grey hair. i was in crisis mode for a week!

    good times. =)

    ReplyDelete
  10. one whole week? oh wow. what am i gonna do when i get my first? i need to be prepared for it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. gray hair won't be my problem. wala akong hair.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This sounds so familiar. I guess we are all the same.

    ReplyDelete
  13. @darc:

    even if you meet the one. doubts keep you tied up with reality..learn to accept doubts, then from there you could aim how far the arrow should go.

    ReplyDelete
  14. @nyl: this is really sweet. i should hug you more often, there's no such thing as rewinds. cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Each silver strand earned, not gained. Each one a testament to the resilience of one's character. Of memories lived, and hurdles triumphed. Every single one.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @felipe ~ ay oo nga pala! haha pahabain mo kaya?

    @fleetingfancies ~ yeah, haha we were talking about it last night. i think that's why i had to get up. i was drafting it in my head and i needed the time to think.

    @dabo ~ how interesting. i suppose doubts will always be a part of our lives. we often think that other people can secure us. truth is, it has to come from within.

    akala ko ba bye-bye blogging ka na? lol not that i'm complaining ha. i'm happy u stopped by. :D


    @red ~ i like how they can be likened to battle scars. idk that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Myself, I wish I could sleep and wake up in the future.


    but will you ever think that somewhere in that future, youll wonder what happened if you did not sleep? or what happened between the time you closed and you opened your eyes?

    -geek

    ReplyDelete
  18. as to doubts, id like to share this line:

    maybe this journey of doubt is also a journey of faith. - by olivia hunt in the true and outstanding adventures of the hunt sisters

    -geek

    ReplyDelete
  19. i guess i'd be a little curious. it's so 13 going on 30, i just realized. hmm.. maybe i'm just getting a little impatient.

    as for doubt, i suppose just like we need the shadow to prove the sunshine, we need faith in the face of doubt.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nyl, I agree that most of the people who have gray hairs are the ones who are romantic. Kaya pala ang dami kong puting buhok haha!

    ReplyDelete
  21. ganun ba yun? haha makapag-research nga.

    ReplyDelete
  22. @nyl: interestingly, in one of our sharegroups nung retreat, wala akong masabing cross that i had to bear. sabi ko na lang, i've accepted the fact na all i have to do is wait. sabi ng facilitator ko, then perhaps that's your cross... patience and waiting.

    @dabo: interestingly ulit, sabi ni Father nung retreat, true love casts out all fears. so if and when that true love comes, there will be no fears, no doubts...

    sorry, retreat mode. hehe

    ReplyDelete
  23. chos. gray hair is probably caused by stress and not old age. just rest and eat fruits. ^^

    i guess im like u. i wanna wake up in the future. im a dreamer kasi. chos. haha

    ReplyDelete
  24. it seems u're pretty good at it if u aren't getting impatient. haha i deleted a few lines from this post before i published it. one of them was to explain my impatience. totoo naman kasing super impatient ako. haha that's why i'm always late. i hate waiting.

    lol @ retreat mode.

    ReplyDelete
  25. @mike ~ sorry di ko nakita comment mo agad. haha

    yeah, dreamers tayo eh kaya when life isn't that good, naiiba focus natin.

    which fruits ba yan? makapag-panic buying nga. lol

    i love ur new header, btw!

    ReplyDelete
  26. anak: Nay bakit ang dami mo ng puting buhok?

    nanay: namumuti ang bawat hibla ng buhok ng isang ina sa bawat katangahang ginagawa ng anak! bwisit!

    anak: aaaaah kaya pala puti lahat ng buhok ni lola...

    wapak! bastusan ng nanay hahahaha...

    para lang maiba... seryoso ng mga tao eh hehehehe

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ang kulet ni YJ!!!

    "Some people want to turn back the hands of time. They want to go back to the time when they were happy or when things were simpler." This is me :-D

    ReplyDelete
  28. and so let's just enjoy this journey. pagtanda natin we'll just laugh with all our kadramahan sa buhay! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  29. @YJ ~ seryoso na ba masyado? lol ang kulit ng joke mo!

    @jepoy ~ mas masaya ba yung broadcasting days mo? lol

    @chyng ~ ikr!! feeling ko in two weeks, masusuka ako sa ka-emohan ko. haha

    ReplyDelete
  30. Akin na lang ang gray hairs mo I like finding gray hairs kasi mukha akong dignified.

    ReplyDelete
  31. you have gray hairs na? how curious. :D

    ReplyDelete
  32. "They say the most jaded people are also the most romantic." --there's truth between this line.
    --'ope you'll find the missing piece of your puzzle life : )

    ReplyDelete
  33. and you were saying I was morbid about the death thing.... hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  34. i realize that now. i guess i'm more morbid than i thought. dreary skies and all that emo shit.

    ReplyDelete
  35. ayaw mo ba ko magcomment huhuhu =(

    ReplyDelete
  36. of course not! i'm very happy you're online. akala ko bye bye blogging ka na forever. yay! >:D<

    ReplyDelete
  37. this kinda made me want to be some character in a love story. haha
    :D

    ReplyDelete
  38. but why? how odd. haha i'm guessing everyone wants to be cast in the perfect love story.

    ReplyDelete
  39. naiisip ko din na mag forward sana ang mundo while I sleep, forward mga a year from now hehe then again I realized na i had to go through every single day for me to become a better version of me in the future

    ReplyDelete
  40. sabagay. where would we be without the lessons we learn on a daily basis?

    ReplyDelete
  41. well i do hope you'd be happy.. and me too. ay basta! darating din ang time naten ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  42. yup yup! i miss u! di na tayo nakakakatambay masyado.

    ReplyDelete
  43. *sob* i felt it so much. the song only exception would suffice everything when one lost faith in love and then suddenly, a new love comes knocking at your door. i should know, i've been praying hard for that door to welcome someone. *mushy*

    nice one citybuoy.

    ReplyDelete
  44. well keep praying. i hope we never lose hope. :D

    welcome to cb! :D

    ReplyDelete
  45. Ako dumadami na gray hair ko. Nanganganak nang nanganganak. Parang gusto ko na tuloy magpa-dye. Okay ba yung "ash" na tint? :D

    ReplyDelete
  46. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete