Monday, December 7, 2009

on borrowed memories and expectations

I woke up and I didn’t know what time it was. My first impulse was to reach for my phone under my pillow but it wasn’t there. That was when I realized I was in a different bed. I got up and looked around. Everything was bathed in light. The windows were open as the wind played hide and seek with the curtains. It was so beautiful. There weren’t any shadows where secrets or doubts could hide.

The bed shook a little and I realized I wasn’t alone. I turned around and the sight of you took my breath away. The sun shone on your face and your bare chest. Although you were asleep, I could’ve sworn you were smiling. I sat beside you and I kissed your cheek. Good morning.

Good things never last. Like an overexposed photograph, the room started to fade away. Everything was engulfed in a sea of white. I tried to hold on to you, to us and to everything we had in that room but I couldn’t. Suddenly, I was awake in my own bed in my own room. I became aware- a little too aware of my consciousness. In comparison, I felt like I had just lost everything. It pained me to know that you were not beside me.

The dream was a moment borrowed from a future memory- one that holds no certainty, I know. I closed my eyes again hoping that the dream would come back but it didn’t. And though I tried to keep them at bay, just like that an expectation is born.

Plain White T's
Hey There Delilah
All That We Needed


  1. "Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow/ because even today I still arrive/ Look deeply: I arrive in every second..." -Thich Naht Hanh (Please Call Me By My True Names)

  2. i love how literature allows us to bend time. i just wish it were as easy in real life.

  3. only you can make your dreams real.

  4. i intend to. haha i just need to wait till time and finances allow it.

    our comments feel like chat messages.

  5. a friend told me once that eventually, we have to lose someone.

    he did not define though who that someone will be...but i know his statement is true...

    chase the dream...

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  7. dreams like that either makes my day or get me more depressed. :)

  8. hope springs eternal. it's in waking that your see your dreams fulfilled, though it may not be exactly the one and the way you had in your sleep. keep dreaming, keep living. :)

  9. without dreams, we wouldn't be here right now.

    ditto what geek said with dreams. chase it! and yes, we coffee babies need to talk soon. I need help.

  10. someone once told me,

    let the future worry about itself. :D

  11. someone told me too. ( di naman masyadong gumagaya kay master ewik.)

    'let tomorrow surprise you.'

    ces vitae!

  12. To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub.

    At least you have dreams when you sleep, Nyl.

    I have neither.

  13. @geek ~ it's scary but yeah, nothing lasts forever. victor repetitively told us that love is a risk and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep mine alive.

    @engel ~ i think it's a little bit of both. you smile because of the dream. you get depressed because of the reality.

    @colorblind ~ welcome to my blog! :D i like how you're very optimistic and hopeful. i wish some would rub off on me.

    @herbs ~ para palang shumods ang dreams. hehe

    ikaw naman parating busy eh.

    @ewik ~ :D

    @elyas ~ but don't you just hate surprises. meron din naman kasing bad surprises eh. haay

  14. oooh more comments. sorry. i took my time drafting my replies.

    @dabo ~ hindi naman. reducing to lowest common denominator. haha

    @rudeboy ~ how shakespeare-y of you. why don't you have dreams? i dated someone once who claimed to have the ability to control dreams. maybe you can conjure some up for yourself. :D

  15. talaga? pano? hope you're feeling better. :D

  16. well the dream was. haha sobrang cheesy, pwede nang itopping sa pichapie.

  17. mayaman ako diyan. sa panaginip o pangarap. kahit maraming kabiguan, patuloy akong naniniwala. :)

  18. Dreams help put our waking moments into perspective.

    I say just live your life because happiness is found everywhere. My favorite OPM band Kulay sings, "life is what happens while you're making plans..."


  19. somebody once told me.... uhmmmm nakalimutan ko na...

    but i once told someone..."mag check in na!!!"

    nyahahahahahaha eh di sana hindi ka na nananaginip hahahaha

  20. ^ happiest mode ka YJ.

    and gusto ko yung kay ARIS.

    keep believing!


  21. @aris ~ sabi nga ng m2m, if only wishes could be dreams and all my dreams would come true.. haha it's good that you haven't lost your belief.

    @johnny ~ i like that line. it's present in a lot of songs including one of my favorites from sheryl crow.

    the thing about dreams though is if you're not empowered to make them a reality, it's a little sad.

    @yj ~ haha bastos!!!

    @chyng ~ tayong lahat! don't stop... believing!!!

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  23. nyl in love! how delightful!

    and friend, hindi ko maayos ung blog ko.. something's wrong with it :(

  24. beautiful!im like that sometimes,

    and this is one of my favorite post from you...

  25. @misshelle ~ haha yeah it is. :D

    i checked your blog. could be just the template. hmm..

    @mac ~ thank you very much! :D

  26. namali ka lang siguro ng higa. =p

  27. haha siguro nga. haha baka sabog pala ako nun.

  28. Time-warp! Loving it. Sometimes, conjuring memories from the past can be very tedious. But borrowing future memories can be very... exciting. At least in your case. LOL.

  29. haha well we never know. like i said, the future is not very certain.

    i hope you can borrow future memories too. get that emo stuff behind you and stuff.

  30. this piece is creatively, beautifully, sad. creative and beautiful, yes. but sad nonetheless. haaay.

  31. thank you. i think it's sad because i long for so many things and there are many obstacles in the way. haay emo mode. hehe

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  33. haaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy....

    (bugtung hininga...)

    .kakarelate. :P

  34. well then i seriously hope we get everything we ask for.

  35. i don't really know what to feel after reading your post. i am not sure if it is a reason to be sad or to be happy that we share the same sadness. :p

  36. i think it's a little bit of both. but at least we feel alive, diba?

    went to your blog pala. it's very nice.

  37. geeeez nice post!

    well i wish you goodluck. Don't worry you'll see him in the future


  38. White is also the dominant color in a similar dream: white walls, white bed, white sheets. There is something about the natural light reflected in the surface of things that goes deep. A sense of purity, clarity, innocence.

    You write well.

  39. @nash ~ yes, i'm not really worried. haha we're always together anyway.

    @manech ~ i never really thought about it but now that i'm giving it some thought, i realize that all my other dreams have had darker colors- red, black, gray.. it's really strange.

    thanks for reading and for the compliment. coming from a really good writer, i'm very flattered.

  40. Tunay na tayo'y mapalad dahil sa literaturang siyang nagiging daan upang ating maibahagi ang ating samut saring aspirasyon sa buhay — mga pangarap na patuloy na nagtutulak sa ating lumaban at ipagpatuloy ang ating paglalakbay.

    It was nice I found your page, where i read articles written with hearts and sincerity.

    i admire your style, you wasn't really thinking of your boundary (i think.)

    i felt the presence of flowing thoughts in here— the result of successfully devising your muse to writing.

    Congratulations for such.

    (one thing is unclear to me = the "future memory" thing? haha i hope you don't mind. here,
    a beginner in blogging.

    thanks! il visit you regularly hah?

  41. thanks for reading! welcome to the blogging world!

    re: future memories... we usually borrow memories from the past. i just wanted to try borrowing from the future. kahit hindi certain yung future na yun, it was nice to relive a memory that hasn't happened yet. sorry. i'm not being very clear. hope this helps.

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