Saturday, November 7, 2009

change of address

or: of moving out and moving on

I got the shock of my life last Saturday. It was a little past 2PM when I finally decided to get out of bed. When I went downstairs to look for food, I saw that our entire first floor was missing. My first impulse was to shout MAGNANAKAAAAAW!!! at the top of my lungs but then I remembered that Saturday was moving day and there was no reason to cause a scene.

By 4 o’clock, I was well involved in the moving process. My first task: to ensure that my old room looked just like my new room. Problem is, while the two rooms had some similarities, there were a lot of differences you couldn’t ignore. One side of the wall was bigger. I tried to fit in my dresser, bed and a set of drawers in one side of the room. It wouldn’t fit. Hmmm… It fit so perfectly in the old room. With just a little stretch, I could get whatever I needed. I tried physics, brute force and whatnot but they wouldn’t fit. I didn’t know what to do. Something had to be done but I didn’t want to let go of the layout I had in my mind either- the layout from my last room.

First step was to accept that things had to change. I whipped out a pen and paper and started to sketch. It was hard at first (I did it Sims style) but after a few more moments of trial and error, I was able to find a suitable location for everything. Tired from moving furniture, I sat down on the floor and admired my work. Not bad. It actually looks better than my last room. With that, I breathed a sigh of relief and updated the score: New house – 1; Old house – 0.

New love. It’s funny how it feels just like moving. We may try to recreate moments we had with out past lovers. We want our moments with them to be just as happy as the moments with our exes (at least the ones that didn't involve violence, betrayal or tears). We ignore the fact that apart from loving us, these people often have nothing in common. No one loves the same way twice and once I accepted that, I was able to find a way for everything to fit.

By 10 o’clock, we were almost finished. The last of the boxes had been unpacked and we were slowly trying to piece the house together. I decided to take a little break and wash up. The new bathroom looked pretty harmless until I realized the sink was a little too small. When I sat down on the toilet, my hips (which don’t lie*) barely fit. Ang liit naman ng mga lintik na ‘to! Ano ba ‘to? Banyo ng duwende?! I was, of course, talking to myself. Sa kabila, sakto lang lahat. The sink was big enough. The toilet was wide enough. Because I spend a lot of time in the bathroom, it was the room I missed the most.

But then I got to thinking. The old house had pests and clogged sinks. The old house did not have as much closet space. The natural lighting in the new house was really, really nice. This house isn’t just different- it’s better. Sure, it isn’t perfect- we may need to change the toilet seat- but the good stuff definitely outweigh the bad stuff. New house – 2; Old house – 0.

No one will admit to it but there’s always that part of your mind that compares your current love with your exes. It’s human nature. We were born to distinguish, classify and categorize. My ex used to do this. Will my current love do that? Coming from a horrible relationship, I realized that the comparisons were not only pointless- they were downright unfair. My new love is sweet, understanding and is a lover of the arts. Of course, I traded up! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

At midnight, almost everyone retired to bed. I was still up trying to organize my clothes. I went down for a glass of water and stared at the living room in the darkness. It was a little disconcerting. The furniture was the same. The sofa was still white. The computer table leg was still broken. I don’t know what it was but even though everything screamed home, it didn’t feel like it. This new apartment was a house and not a home- at least not yet.

It starts with the little things. I looked through several boxes and found some paintings and a wall clock. I started hanging them around the house. After a few minutes of hooking and arranging, I stood back and admired my work. Suddenly, this little piece of wall began to look like home. Not the last home but specifically, my home. New house – 3; Old house – 0.

From the darkness, I heard my phone beep. I miss you :-*, said the message. It starts with the little things. Suddenly, the nights become a little warmer and who was once just a friend becomes so much more. New love – 1; old love – 0.

Hello world. I am not homeless anymore.

Absence of Fear


  1. haylavet, nyl!!!
    peborit ko 'to: No one loves the same way twice and once I accepted that, I was able to find a way for everything to fit.

    at natawa lang ako sa hips don't lie!! hmmm..

    what about can relate ako rito? he he. sa hips don't lie..

  2. i moved so much as a child that i hate moving very much while simultaneously being extremely efficient at doing it.

  3. enjoy your new love, este home, este house citybuoy! :D

  4. Beautiful post, Nyl, with lots of genuine insights. I smiled throughout all of it.

    Congratulations on your new house, and may it soon be a new home. :)

  5. if possible, i refuse to compare simply because its unfair on the other's part.just take everything as it is...

    and welcome home...

  6. nakangiti rin ako habang binabasa ito. ganda ng comparison ng home at love. at naaliw ako sa "hips don't lie" haha! i am happy to know na may bagong nagmamahal sa'yo. stay happy, my friend. :)

  7. ano vah? bakit ikaw ang nag-iiskor?

    dapat ako.... mag tu-two piece-bikini ako at may mga number cards made of glitters...


    kelan ang house warming partey?

  8. @db ~ eh my hips don't lie naman talaga. sang part ka talaga nakarelate? kaw ha... hehe

    @LOF ~ i wish i could be just as efficient. i still have unpacked boxes. i'm also slowly discovering toys from my past and other relics.

    @ash ~ i'll enjoy both nalang. :D

    @rudeboy ~ thanks! glad i made someone smile. hehe yeah, it's starting to feel more homey every day.

    @the geek ~ thank you! i wish i could be just as undiscerning. i'm pretty judgmental, you could say.

    @aris ~ coming from you, that's such a nice thing to hear este read. alam mo naman i'm your biggest fan (papa-paparazzi!) hehe thanks for your well wishes. right now, steady lang naman ako. just going with the flow.

    @yj ~ wow talagang may ganon kang ideas? haha walang house warming. katabi lang naman eh. hehe

  9. hindi na bago sa akin ang paglipat ng tahanan.

    sa katunayan, wala nga akong permanenteng tahanan.

    gayunman, hindi nawawala sa akin ang kaligayahan sa tuwing mayruong bagong pinto na magbubukas para ako'y papasukin at maging bahagi ng kanilang tahanan

    (oo, ginagawa ko rin yung pagtatara ng iskor habang kinukumpara ang bago at luma)

  10. comparison is such a strong and unfair word. how i wish i know how to delete this one in my vocabulary, haha.

    anyways, cheers to new love and to your new home!

    true to the saying, if a door closes, another door in a new house opens, haha.

  11. Nice post! Nakakarelate ako!

    Sometimes we tend to recreate something na alam naman natin na hindi kayang ibalik.

  12. @anteros ~ i think we all do that. haha it's not a conscious effort. sarap lang mag-score.

    @max ~ but i don't think we can ever do that. it's a part of us- that need to compare. haha when God closed the door, he didn't open a window. He opened another door (in a different house) haha (wait parang inulit ko lang sinabi mo) haha

    @m2mtripper ~ di na talaga. ang kulit siguro if we could pick out stuff from different relationships tapos pagtagpi-tagpiin natin sila. kaso di ganun eh. haha

    @anteros & m2mtripper ~ salamat sa pagdalaw at sa pagbasa! welcome to cb!

  13. ahm...
    4 times na kaming lumipat ng bahay...

    It starts with the little things. Suddenly, the nights become a little warmer and who was once just a friend becomes so much more. New love – 1; old love – 0.



  14. unfortunately, the memories of things long forgotten usually don't make it to the next place -- that's a tragic quality of efficiency.

  15. @gege ~ pang-lima ko na rin to eh. you'd think by now expert na ako kaso di parin eh.

    relate ba? share mo naman.

    @LOF ~ because if i held on to all of them, i'd be the emotional equivalent of a pack-rat. aren't they usually unable to appreciate new things when they come along?

  16. years ago when I was studying in Honolulu, I was passenger in my mentor's car waiting to turn left at a signal. then this fat, practically naked homeless guy wheeled through the intersection 4 shopping carts full of stuff covered by blue and gray tarps. suffice to say the whole wheeling process took a complete cycle of the traffic signals creating traffic. my mentor turned to me and said, that man is the same as us, the only difference, which is small, is that we are better at hiding it from others.

  17. nice story! very indie film-ish.

    i think i need to let my shopping carts go. i know i can't let them all go but i think i could stand to have a lighter load.

  18. wow nyl i love this post ^_^ *clicking like*
    well when are we going to meet again? you got to tell me more about this :)

  19. enjoy your new house nyl!

    where did you move nga pala?

  20. @carlo ~ facebook? haha

    yeah, we totally need to hang out. nagaaya sina debbie. bowling daw or something.

    @engel ~ sobrang layo.. next door. makati parin. haha we moved kasi the repairs were becoming too expensive. apartment complex naman so next door lang.

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