Friday, October 16, 2009

molar support

Sometimes, I wonder if I said goodbye to you too easily. Maybe there was a way for us to be together. Maybe I gave up on you too quickly. But I shouldn’t be thinking about that now. I should focus on healing, on making sure that after all is said and done I can be the person I was before I knew you existed.

It’s funny. When you’re hurting, you feel like your pain is so unique- as if you’re the only person in the whole world who could feel that way. I learned that it isn’t so. A lot of my friends have gone through the same thing. They met their own versions of you. Some of them suffered through the storm. Others (like me) bailed at the first sign of pain.

There was one friend in particular who told me she tried her best to live with the pain. She said it took years before she finally wised up and got rid of the problem. After the heartache and the healing, she wondered why she didn't get rid of it earlier. She said I was lucky that we parted ways before you had a chance to cause serious damage. I wondered if I was truly lucky. If it was for my own good, why does it hurt so much? Maybe I needed the years of pain. Maybe I needed to be hurt by you to know that I couldn’t be with you.

Maybe I should've thought twice before I made any rash decisions. Maybe I hit the brakes too soon.

Ice cream. You know how much I hate ice cream. Sometimes, you felt the pain I would feel whenever I eat this sweet, cold torture device disguised as dessert. Call it masochism. Call it obedience. Call it stupidity but after all this, this whatever-this-is, it’s the only thing that's kept me sane. I’ve eaten nothing but ice cream since you left. Chocolate, mango, ube, vanilla- it didn't matter. I couldn’t get enough of the sweet, icy pleasure it brought. Perhaps I’ve gone mad. Perhaps I was numbing the pain of being without you. All I know is it made the pain go away and for that I am forever grateful for this saccharine gift of God.

After you left, the pain was almost immediate. I couldn’t walk. I felt like I was going to die. Even breathing felt like such a chore. My daily routine felt like a death sentence. I just wanted to stay in bed all day, hiding from the sunlight and other things I imagined would hurt. I didn’t think I would find the strength to move on and live but I did.



Saying goodbye is never easy. As I wrap you in a small plastic bag and throw you in a box marked PERSONAL, I know that I'll be okay again soon. One day, we’ll meet again and hopefully when that time comes, it won’t hurt as much. Take care, dear impakto impacted molar. I’ll never forget you.

Michelle Branch
Goodbye To You
The Spirit Room

BUDDUMP-BUMP TSSHHHH. So the Philippine Blog Awards in Luzon was held last week and in all the excitement, I completely forgot that my blog turned five years old! Even though I so wanted to go, I couldn’t because I had work and stuff. Good thing my friend YJ was there and he sent me these super cool pictures.



The collage idea was super cool. I must admit, seeing my screenshot on the wall made me tear up a little. I was a little sad at first when he called me to say that I lost but when I found out who won, I knew the judges totally knew what they were doing.

Congratulations to Writing on Air! Jim Paredes is an excellent writer. The inner paparazzo in me has been stalking his page ever since. To all the other finalists, congratulations too! It was a great honor to be in your company. Blog on!

19 comments:

  1. aww, wawa naman ang friend ko, ang sakit niyan tiyak..malamig pa mandin ang panahon

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  2. you only got one took out. i had two. i hated my impacted molar tooth.

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  3. medyo nakakadiri siya. hahaha! i wonder kelan naman yun sa akin. hanggang ngayon pinag titiisan ko siya.

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  4. Oh, God, I feel your pain. Toothaches are the absolute worst!

    I once had a molar that tortured me for weeks until the pain outweighed any terrors I had of sitting in the dentist's chair. The offending tooth was extracted with little fuss, and I exacted my vengeance upon it with a hammer.

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  5. i have never had a cavity or a tooth pulled. the thought terrorizes me.

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  6. hayy, impaktong ngipin. ako rin, dalawang ganyan pina-extract ko. get well soon and slow down on the ice cream. :)

    kahit di ka nanalo sa pba, ikaw pa rin ang winner para sa akin! :)

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  7. @period ~ ayus lang naman kahit malamig. pag mainit, it bleeds! haha

    @engel ~ the other one's impacted too. natatakot nga ako because i have to go through all this again sometime soon. siguro pag nagheal na ako.

    @wanderingcommuter ~ yeah, nakakadiri talaga siya especially if you see the stitches. haha next time magkita tayo, i'll show you the pictures. wag ka na magtiis. lalala lang yan if you don't have it removed na.

    @rudeboy ~ thanks. yeah, they're small but they can bring anyone to their knees.

    hammer, eh? haha i wouldn't go that far but the thought did cross my mind. hehe i think i'd rather keep the tooth as a memento of what i went through.

    @lance ~ i guess that makes you either lucky, really hygienic dentally or a wicked mix of both. i inherited my mom's small jawline and my father's big-ass teeth hence the major sungki. genetically, i'm screwed. this impacted shit is just one of its many manifestations.

    @aris ~ thanks! yeah, slowing down na. ang laki na ng pisngi ko! haha

    that's so sweet. hehe

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  8. hah.... yung sa akin nung tinanggal, hindi simpleng bunot, surgery teh....

    nakakaloka.....

    anyways, bakit hindi nag a-appear yang collage na yan?

    we missed you last night.... ikaw lang ang wala sa coffee gathering.... muahz

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  9. surgery? ouch!

    re: collage. thanks! fixed it na. hopefully it'll appear na. hehe

    yeah, i was sorry i couldn't make it. i just wasn't myself last night i guess. next time. promise!

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  10. hahaha. well mixed blessings. i think it comes from my late end to thumb sucking. made my teeth crooked, but on the other hand, it developed habits that inhibit cavity formation and made my teeth all fit (barely).

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  11. i was discouraged from sucking my thumb. :'c had i known!!! haha

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  12. my dentist told me i have 3. i'm seriously thinking of me finally saying "goodbye" to them but i'm scared. imagine, 3 times? hahaha.

    i guess you could say i'm a masochist. a scaredy masochist.

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  13. Incidentally, I am also seeing my dentist this weekend to get rid of TWO molars. I should have done this long ago. Like many other things.

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  14. @max ~ oh poor thing! i have 2 lang. i told her not to touch the other one muna. i just had the sutures removed. parang nakakapraning yung thought na may gaping hole ako sa bibig. haha

    re:masochism may pros and cons naman yan. at least being scaredy prevents you from doing anything completely stupid.

    @vic ~ well we put off so many things that we know would hurt us. it's only human.

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  15. oh gosh that's one hella big tooth :S

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  16. shet, saket. yun lang! hehehe. ayoko ng ganyan. virgin pa gums ko. ahehehe. :)

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  17. @nash ~ yeah, it totally was. there's still a hole where it used to be. :'c

    @gentle ~ gums lang? haha sana nga you never have to go through what i went through. super painful and sobrang nakakagutom.

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  18. aw! ipin... report ko yan sa anatomy. at narealize ko na hindi para sa akin ang dentistry.
    milk teeth pa ba sya???
    (ahaha!)
    try mu ice candy!
    para ma-iba lang...
    hindi puro icecream.

    :P

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  19. magdedentista ka sana? haha

    di na siya milk teeth! ang tanda ko na para magkarun nun. hehe

    well, okay na naman siya. 1 week na akong bagang-less and medyo back to normal na buhay ko.

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