Monday, September 14, 2009

hello anger

Hello Anger. It’s been a while. I know I said I would never come to you again but right now, just for this moment, allow me to break my promises. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore.

Hello Anger. I’ve been a good boy. Never stepped on anyone to get to where I am or nothing. I tried to stay out of trouble but it seems trouble always finds me. Just when I thought I was okay, that little monster took my last piece of hope and all the change in my pocket.

Hello Anger. Did you miss me? All the others couldn’t take me. I've tried Pride, Sorrow, Misery, even Intoxication. They all just let me down. I saw them ripping at the seams, cursing my name. They weren’t strong enough for me. They couldn’t hold me the way you held me. I'm sorry Anger. Will you take me back?

Hello Anger. Do you think I’m ugly too? Do you want me to be thinner? Taller? Smarter? More eloquent? Didn’t think so. You always take me for what I am, not what I can or should be. Thank you anger. You’re my new best friend.

Hello Anger. I tried Forgiveness. I tried everything to get the old me back and for a while, I was doing okay. I was laughing again. Life didn’t seem like such a chore. But I suppose they just had different plans for me.

Hello Anger. It's good to be in your arms again. Just when I thought I couldn’t hurt any more, I did. Just when I thought I had sunk to the deepest depths and there was nowhere else to go but up, the floor I was standing on crashed. I died a thousand deaths that day and just when I thought it was over, I realized it was only the beginning.

Hello Anger. Will you be my friend? I don’t know what that means anymore. Some friends have become my allies. Others have become my adversaries. I got tired of fighting this war. I got tired of asking for loyalty. I didn’t want to make them choose. So I shed my skin and came to you.

Hello Anger. I still remember the things that you said. Trust no one but yourself. Love no one but yourself. I’m sorry Anger. I should’ve listened.

Hello Anger. It’s been a while. After all these years, you’re still the cloak that fits me best.

The Killers
Mr. Brightside
Hot Fuss

35 comments:

  1. Aw. Come here, lemme give you a hug. :)

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  2. *hugs*

    sabi nga ni anger, trust no one. so don't trust anger. Anger takes a lot of energy din ha. You'll feel more tired than before. D:

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  3. hugs to you as well.

    everything passes. eventually. :)

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  4. being angry is not a problem. that's a valid human emotion. it's better let it out than keep it in.

    just don't let it take over.

    you'll be fine.

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  5. I've often said "Don't be afraid; be angry."

    Anger is inarguably a negative emotion, but it, too, has it uses. All our emotions have their time and place - perhaps your anger, dear cb, is long-overdue.

    So go ahead and be angry. Let it run its course. But as everyone else has pointed out, just don't wallow in it.

    Tomorrow is another day.

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  6. omg. this is an amazing post. i should print this. na move ako! chos.

    gusto mo tulungan kita mag hagis ng plato? i heard that's relaxing. haha.

    love, kisses and such! XD

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  7. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -the Buddha

    The world will never live up to our expectations of it. From my experience, it is the unconscious expectations I trap myself in which are most harmful.

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  8. “Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.” - G. Naylor

    This is the time when I should let you tread the path you want to choose. This is the time when I allow you to feel the pain, the anger, the misery... Hopefully in time you will realize that the world is not against you and that shit happens not because you deserve it, but because it JUST happens.

    I'm still here Nelly.

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  9. You should not befriend Anger for a longer time. It'll just eat you up.

    Know that a lot of people love u more and befriending Anger is totally not worth it.

    And pamper yourself to shook Anger away. ;)

    *hugs*

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  10. thanks everyone for commenting. i didn't expect such a strong response. don't worry about me. i'm fine.

    @tristan ~ thanks. :D

    @ruby ~ it takes a lot of energy pero ang sarap sarap niya. i can't really explain it. hehe

    hey, i'm going back to work na! today ang balik ko kaso night shift. magkikita kaya tayo ever?

    @max ~ until they do however, we're left to fend for ourselves. *sigh*

    @engel ~ yup. i'm letting it all out. it's not like i'm being tactless in the process though. i was originally going to publish this post about why i'm so angry and stuff but i figured i didn't want to air out my dirty laundry.

    @rudeboy ~ it is. it's super overdue. tomorrow is another day. another day to face backstabbers and assholes. oh well.

    @toxic ~ thanks! re:plato my friend was telling me about this place na you can throw plates at a person's picture. super funny. mukhang masaya.

    @lof ~ wow. that's a nice quote. if in the end, i get hurt by all this anger at least i would know na i did something to deserve it. lately, i've been asking myself if i ever did anything to deserve all that i've been getting.

    i'm through expecting from the world. i'm through pretending i'm nice. the gloves are off. :D

    re:unconscious expectations so true. i myself have fallen victim to them. just brush yourself off and try again but this time, bring a bigger gun.

    @apol ~ thanks friend. the world is not against me. don't worry. i'm not delusional. :D it's just certain assholes who are. i don't need them. notice how i've ceremoniously un-followed and un-linked a certain someone.

    @markie ~ everything is temporary. anger is my friend and he's just here to help.

    re:friendship i've tried that. ended up getting stabbed in the back by someone i thought i could trust. someone who i thought had my best interest in mind. i now know who my true friends are.

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  11. anger, like the other emotions wouldn't be able to stand you that long... hahahaha

    echoz... go on feel the pain my friend.... pero huwag mong patagalin....

    mag bruce lee ka nalang... hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! alam mo na!!! hahahahaha

    hugs....:)

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  12. go. get angry.

    pero tama si YJ, wag patagalin. nakakasawa din si anger.

    *hugs*

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  13. @cb: i don't know if its an issue of fault as much as an issue of perspective. us buddhists say hell beings are those beings who suffer from anger. what appears to humans as water appears to hell beings as boiling molten metal -- although phenomenologically, they are the same phenomenon, from different perspectives.

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  14. @yj & mksurf8 ~ don't worry. di ko naman papatagalin. just until humupa to. para lang yang apoy. susunugin ko yung galit ko hanggang maging abo.

    @yj ~ malapit lapit na ako mag bruce lee! whapak!

    @jay ~ thanks for reading! :D

    @period ~ i'm okay. thanks. i'll be fine.

    @lof ~ i think at this point, i've become a hell being na. and trust me, this really is molten metal. worst part is, it's disguising as cold water. i took a sip and i burned my lips. i'm on fire, lance. i think this person just ruined my trust in people.

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  15. @cb: you're still relating to me through these comments so the person didn't destroy everything, fortunately for both of us. i enjoy our relating.

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  16. @lof ~ wow i just realized how emo my reply to you was. probably the lack of sleep and the inactivity at work. haha

    yeah, that person cannot destroy everything. he's not powerful enough. haha

    i enjoy our relating too! i'm okay. i'm still angry but i'm really okay. it feels good to vent out to really good friends.

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  17. i rarele see "anger" but beware. hehehe

    i have to agree with you na it feels good sometimes to be angry. makes us realize, we are still human.

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  18. it does. it really does. although about the being still human part, i kinda have to disagree. being angry makes me feel like i am capable of so much more despite myself.

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  19. it's a good thing when you're feeling anger. you know it's bad when all you you have is apathy in your heart. :)

    love,
    nobe

    www.deariago.com
    www.iamnobe.wordpress.com

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  20. i've been with anger before and he's so mean and so manipulative. i thought being with him was the best relationship to be in but i realized it was not.
    that's why i broke up with anger. he wasn't compatible with me... and i ended up being someone i wasn't.
    and he was also a slut. he was with me while he was with someone else also, (and a lot of people i don't even know) making everything complicated.
    even though you think both of you look good together, i think he's not the right one for you. if i could i'd try to break your bonds with him friend. but i can't. it's up to you if you'd end it with him.
    but i do hope that he'll go away. and that you'd find a better half, like love.. he's so cute. i want to be with love you know... i'm attracted to love but he doesn't like me yet.
    hahhh.... maybe someday we'll find someone like love. or love himself. i hope.
    anyway i just don't like the person who introduced anger to me, and that person who introduced him to you...
    (just imagine na nag-iilusyon ako at nagbabalat ng grasa habang sinasabi to. ingliserang nagbabalat ng grasa sa gitna ng quiapo, habang kasama si do-you-work-here girl, delicacious and sakura boy hahaha)

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  21. @nobe ~ a lot of people think that the opposite of love is hatred or anger. it's actually apathy. i had so much love for the people i wrote this post for. i suppose now it's more of apathy.

    @carlo ~ hanapin natin yung remote sa click. fast forward na tayo to the time na wala na satin lahat nitong ka-emohan nato. kamown!

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  22. it's okay to be angry sometimes. but of course for the right reasons.

    wag ka gagaya sa akin. LOL!

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  23. this could very well be a poem. nice. you learned to channel your anger into something creative. and just look at it.. read it.. it positively beams with pride for having been created by you.. the angry one.

    ganda, nyl.

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  24. @mr. scheez ~ bakit? ano ba ginawa mo? di ka pa nagkkwento.

    @pie ~ thanks! that's a really nice thing to say. yeah, i think my angry self was very proud.

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  25. your angry self should be proud. anger if harnessed properly can be a powerfully creative tool.. along with sadness and despair.

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  26. i think i pretty much abused all three. tama pala sabi nila. nakakapagod talaga ang anger. haha

    i'm more filled with apathy these past few days. strange lang. i can't seem to write either.

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  27. sobrang ganda nitong post na to...

    but i do hope you're okay...

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  28. there's a target shooting range in the basement of makati cinema square. or a baseball batting range in adidas camp at the fort. or the roofdeck golfing range along malugay in makati.

    but never say hello to anger on a human kind. :)

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  29. @mac ~ thanks for reading!

    @ash ~ alam ko yung target shooting! haha nakikita-kita ko yun. i'm not really into sports but i do think i have to channel these energies somewhere. haha maybe i'll start a hobby or something.

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  30. Everything will be alright!

    :)

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  31. yup. thanks for your concern. it's sort of okay na naman. while it always sucks when you lose friends, i think it was worth it in the end.

    thanks for reading! :D welcome to cb!

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  32. Hello ANGER!
    Kung meron nga lang isang taong pwedeng magmahal ng totoo.

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  33. haha i wish it were that easy.

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