Sunday, July 26, 2009

paint it black

I woke up feeling a bit disoriented. I looked around and through the darkness, I felt the wall for the light switch. Flick! It said and I got a full view of where I was. The room was in terrible shape. The furniture needed rearranging, stuff needed to be picked up off the floor and the walls needed a fresh coat of paint. What happened to this place? It used to be really nice. I’m going to work really hard to make this room nice again.

I bought a couple cans of paint. I wanted everything to be bright so I settled on a nice, warm shade of blue. I mopped the floor once and swept twice for good measure. I hauled everything outside so that I wouldn’t get any paint on them. I kept the door open so that I could keep an eye on my stuff while I painted.

The walls had become really ugly over the years- a few chips here and there, holes where pictures and paintings used to be. I painted everything white. It was a fresh start. I stood in the middle of the room, paint fumes in the air and just absorbed everything around me. It’s been years since these walls felt this peaceful. I said a little prayer, hoping this feeling wouldn’t go away.

When the white base was dry, it was finally ready for the blue coat. I carefully took the roller and with patience and precision, I started painting everything blue. After about an hour or so, I was finished. I stood in the middle of my blue room and reveled in the fact that everything was now so clean and so me.

I moved the bed near the window. I put the books back in the shelves. It was almost evening when I noticed that the front door was still open.

As I was closing the door, I could see a nameless, faceless stranger from the horizon. Wait! He shouted. Don’t close that!

I’m very tired. Come back some other time.
I said.

Please. I won’t take up a lot of your time. I traveled far and wide to see this room and it would be pointless to give up now.

It’s really late and I’m very tired. Please come back some other time.
By this time, the stranger was on the porch.

Please. You won't even know I’m there.

After much hesitation, I finally obliged. You’re sleeping on the couch. I said and he seemed fine with the idea. He looked around the room with a half-smile on his face.

I just painted it today. Do you like the new color? I asked.

I think it’s ugly. I think it’s too bright.

I looked at him, weighing the value of his statement and decided it was pointless to fight with a stranger. I lay down my arms in brittle hopes of compromise.

Someone once said this room had lots of paintings in it. Where are they?

Well, over the years, people just took them home with them. I think I gave the last one out a month ago.

Such a shame.
He said, shaking his head in disapproval. Such a shame.

The next day, I woke up and saw that the stranger was still there. He was sitting, perched on top of the bookshelf like a glorious bird. He had a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

Good morning. I said but there was no answer. Several books lay scattered on the floor. Hey! I just fixed those yesterday. What are they doing on the floor?

They were ugly. I didn’t like how you arranged them.

But those were my books.
I muttered, picking them up as I made my way across the room. I rearranged the books and magazines on the shelf.

Is this better? I asked.

I suppose so.

Do you still think the room is ugly?

I don’t know. It’s still a little too bright.

By evening, he was gone. I looked around the small room and wondered what it was that made him leave. Maybe it was how I arranged the books. Maybe it was the shape of the shelf. Maybe it was the color on the walls. Or maybe, just maybe, he found everything he couldn’t stand in this room.

I took some leftover cans of paint from the garage and mixed them all together in a big container. I could see the moon’s reflection bouncing off the dark liquid. Are you doing this for yourself? It asked. I ignored it and went to bed. Tomorrow, when the sun is up, I’ll paint my room black.

That night, just as I was about to go to sleep, I looked up at the heavens from the window near my bed. Is it true that You love everyone just as they are? Please love me just as I am.

Alanis Morissette
City of Angels: Music from the Motion Picture


  1. the way you put the words together is so uber. steg. :D

    i have an idea why the stranger had left. he went to the other room painted black. and he is having a hard time convincing me to paint it with bright shade of blue.

    proven. he loves just the way we are. :D

    be back in here soon.


  2. @Yas wow. sounds like you know a lot about this situation (pero reverse yung angle). i was really trying to make the faith angle more evident but i like that it means different things to different people.

    thanks for dropping by! welcome to CB!!!

  3. bright blue? i can't seem to picture blue as bright. parang sadness in disguise. although i would very much prefer blue kesa black. ok lang maging sad kesa maging hopeless. well, sariling interpretation ko ito. iba siguro ang ibig mong ipakahulugan.

    kailangan mahalin ka maging sino at ano ka man. hindi iyong mamahalin ka lamang kung magiging sino at ano ka ayon sa kanyang gusto. :)

  4. the premise of duality and reflection. haha.

    yep, i am reading your previous posts. buti na lang at nakakak-intindi ako ng ingles.

    faith is a gift.
    haha. wala kong alam tungkol dito. swear. :D

  5. @Aris You have a point. But i think this story, although deals with love, is not really a love story. I was trying to subtly hint at the fact that when all else fails, we always turn to God. ewan if I was successful. haha

    As for the color blue, yeah. it's bright but sad at the same time. i didn't want it to be orange or green. i wanted the distinct mix of coldness and warmth.

    Thanks for your interpretation and comment. I really appreciate it. :D

    @Yas May ganon? Don't read them na. Nahihiya ako.

    What do you mean when you say "faith is a gift?" Personally, i think it's something you work at but it could never be given to you.

  6. what a profound encounter! Is it true that you love yourself just as you are?

  7. Thanks Lance! :D Hmm... I haven't really thought about it. I suppose the answer is no. Based on the last 2 statements, the character couldn't love herself completely nor could she get it from the strangers in the room.

    I can always count on you to provide a fresh perspective on my stories. Thanks!

  8. love the new profile pic, btw. it has this retro-illicit fun-loving look to it.

  9. why thank you! haha i was going for the retro-illicit fun-loving look!

  10. Wooow!!! I love this!!! It sounds like a part of a book i would stay up late reading. XD

  11. Thank you! :D That's very nice to hear. I just wish I could finish it.

  12. matte or glossy?

    just curious...

  13. good for you that you know what color to paint your room with...

  14. @Parteeboi I suppose so but then again, the stranger mostly dictated the new color.

    @The Geek haha baka matte.

  15. says:

    Not sure what to write on this wall, but i can feel the need that you are looking for, maybe a hint of longing all lost in time, maybe you have given to much. now you are left with nothing but holes and cracks and picture on your thought of how you have once been...

    once upon time seemed so long ago, its about time that you wanted to move on... at times, change of the superficial does not really matter. stop dodging the pain, revel on it and it would help you choose the shade you have become.

    love does not come in a can of paint, nor how you look or who you have become. like the moon that shown thru the aerie darkness of the night... love passes us by and we indulge, what is left with us are memories and the constant need to move on. love is you, its life, its the need to continue on living.

  16. kasi dapat neon pink eh....

    im vaaaaaaaaaaaack....

    hey, it's your birthday month!!! yiheeeeeeeeee

    kelan tayo magkakape? miss you guys na......

  17. @Aik thanks for the nice comment. about what you said, i didn't really think it was a superficial change although now that i think about it, it does seem very superficial. (wait, did that make sense?) anyway, i really wanted it to be about how we change ourselves or our rooms so that people will stay with us. i don't know. i don't really feel the same way i felt when i wrote this story.

    @YJ may ganon? haha yeah, it is. kahit si bibigurl. miss u guys, too!

  18. He loves you just that way you are. Just be a good boy. Hehehe =)

  19. yun na nga yon eh. yun ang kinakatakot ko. hehe

  20. a clean room.
    goal in life for me.

    gusto ko rin magpaint!
    shade of blue din!
    im sharing my room with my sis.
    and she loves pink!
    hate it. :((


    love me for what i am?

    perfect kasi ako kaya madali akong mahalin.
    pero mahirap ako magmahal.
    i always have this expectations...
    and yun ang nagiging kasiraan of me being perfect.



  21. well we all have our dirty rooms. haha sarap mag spring cleaning.

    wow! perfect ka? saya naman! haha love is never easy and expectations are premeditated resentments. free fall lang. haha kung bumagsak, tayo ulit.

  22. you might not be able to see this comment but i really get what you want to say in this nyl.

    it's too bright: i think it's more of the stranger's compliment rather than a criticism. see, he loves us just the way we are.

    the decision to paint your room black is entirely your freewill, your desire to conform and conceal. but i am reminded that black is actually just another color's lack of light shade, thus, it is still colorful, thus bright. :D

    as BM puts it, God loves fags. Even fags like me.

    after almost a year and still my most favorite post of yours. blog on. :)

  23. Wow, Yas! This was the first post you ever commented on sa blog ko. haha

  24. haha. i hate you for seeing this comment. akala ko lusot na. brr.

    nasira tuloy ang drama ko. and yeah, bahala ka na nga. HAHA!

  25. Ang funny mo! It's called email notifications. haha You can have blogger send you new comments to any specified address. bwahahaha