Thursday, August 7, 2008

pre-birthday thoughts (turn around)

I heard that the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is a duet. You need a guy to sing "turn around" and a girl to sing everything else. I'm not really sure what it has to do with anything I'm about to say but it goes well with the picture I chose for this post (plus my phone's broken so I couldn't take any new ones).

Once again, I find my life completely devoid of bloggable content. Instead of blogging, I've left useless comments on other people's blogs, hoping for some interaction. In lieu of writing, I ran through my blog's archives. But then I remembered. I'm turning 22 tomorrow. I should be happy. I should have pages and pages to write!!!

People always say that my birthday this year is very lucky. Somehow, I find that a little difficult to believe because (1) I don't believe in luck, and (2) 8-8-8 has never happened before so what makes them so sure?

Instead, I have feelings of apathy towards said date. I suppose I'm a little better off than last year when I held on to 20's zero for dear life but after a year of being 21, I suppose it would be silly to curse time for changing the last digit yet again.

Excuse me, Lina from Jobstreet just sent me a birthday greeting. (reads email, hmm.. spam)

(Well anyway) Birthdays are a time usually spent reflecting on what you've done this year and what you wish to accomplish by next year. The good thing about being a blogger is that, much like keeping a diary, you can use your blog like a history book.

This time last year, I wrote "so, i'm 21. ugh, i feel older already. my skin feels leathery." I continued with "birthdays are just a painful reminder of how we are all so moribund. gawd, i can't believe i feel so old." Looking at that post now, I cringe a little. It reeks of vanity, pretentiousness (second quote case in point. who says moribund?) and it's an obvious ploy to get the obligatory "you're not old!!!" (said in a sonnically high pitched voice). Superfriends to the rescue:

Lee: so anong tawag mo sa akin? you're still young!
Achi: Sandali lang, nakakainis ka ha! Anong you feel so old? Eh ako yung panganay, at ikaw yung bunso! Aba aba aba. ;>
RG: kapalmuks talaga nito. feel so old? hintayin mong mag-40 ka.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. Was I really that shallow? Which led me to further investigation. Are all my birthday posts this inane?

In 2006, I talked about how my mom gave me a pink (inedible) pineapple for my birthday. I also talked about how I loved the tea lattes in Coffee Bean.

In 2005, I wrote "i watched 13 going on 30 and i realized i knew who my jennifer garner was. question is, am i ready to be someone's mark ruffalo? eeww... goosebumps..." Before anything else, can I just say YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!! (regains composure) Reading it now, I still get goosebumps (but obviously for completely different reasons). Aside from the cheesy chick flick reference, I added "i'm sad. it's my birthday. well, not officially. i was born at 4:00 and it's 3:11 PM on the 9th so it's technically still my birthday. I miss the usual people who would greet me on my birthday." Again, the words vain and shallow come to mind. I want to find my 20 year old self and smack some sense into him. A time machine would be an excellent birthday gift (ahem ahem)

In the spirit of turning around, I figured this year, I should do things a little differently. Instead of focusing on what's wrong in my life (and how incredibly sad it is that I'm gaining another year), let me take some time to pat my back and think about where I wanted to go last year and where I am this year. Ladies and gentlemen, last year's life goals (original post):

"Start thinking of poss career expansion"
I talked about possible career expansion a couple of posts back and I'm happy to report that I've been successful in that department. I left the job that made me unhappy, sought out a future (jumping headfirst and blindfolded) and found happiness and as if that wasn't enough, I took it to the next level and got promoted. So far, all career gambles have paid off.

"Start praying / lean on things that matter"
I've gone back to church after months of turning away. I haven't gone back to sunday school. That'll take more time, of course but at least I no longer have the same feelings I had about God and religion. I feel that the time I spent away from Him made me see why I was with Him in the first place and why I needed to go back.

"Stop thinking about what'll get me through the day and start thinking about what'll bring me to my future."
I've learned to let go of things which I did not have any control over. I no longer have delusions of grandeur. I now know that despite your best efforts some people will never change. If you're one of the people who can, consider yourself lucky (as I do now). Now if I can honestly say I've moved on from the car crash that was my life I'd be this much better. (audience in unison: may ganon?) It's just like Butch Walker says. Take tomorrow one day at a time.

Turn around...

No comments:

Post a Comment