There are 24 hours in a day, 8 of which go to work, another 8 should ideally go to sleep which leaves me wondering where the other 8 go.
i was over at a friend's party and he was sprinkling sugar on my head. I asked him why he had taken to this peculiar action, seeing as this was definitely not his first attempt. He said he was making me sweeter.
I didn't realize that I had somehow lost my edge, my innate ability to find the upside of things. and so I said "ang hilig mong paglaruan yung asukal" but what I really wanted to say was "ang hilig mo akong paglaruan".
today, it's been two months and ten days since my last blog post. looking at my archives, it's funny how i seemed to have had a penchant towards drama. i've considered starting a new blog aimed at decreasing said drama percentage in my 222 blog posts but I now realize that my work hours prevent me from doing so.
some time between my last post and today, i decided that my life will have as little drama as possible.
my last post was about unemployment and the pressure i felt to look for a job. today, i begin what would be my fifth week at Chase and already, i feel different. i feel older and more responsible and suddenly, everything that felt necessary becomes unnecessary. paychecks give way to looking for work clothes rather than trips to the local movie pirates. it's funny but more or less, i am different.
at times, i wake up in the middle of the afternoon and wonder how i found myself in this position. as a student, i expressed my extreme belief that education students should teach, not answer telephones. it's been an emotional roller coaster for me. I've never had to change beliefs at such a rapid pace but now that I work for a contact center, i realize that there's more to it than others make you believe. we all have our stereotype for agents. they smoke like chimneys and have coffee IVs and speak with a weird accent. my own father sat me down and told me about how a co-worker was griping about how his son's been smoking too much and drinking too much coffee and i didn't want to tell him that such generalizations are stereotypes. although the culture has been enticing, i can honestly say i have not adapted to the culture as much as others would have. i still say "judate" and i don't say "becuzzzz".
I was with a friend and he was saying how he used to be really gothic sans makeup and piercings. I said i didn't know that goth had a subculture and he said subcultures indeed have subcultures. looking at my present situation, i am part of a subculture, of people who day-mongers never see. but inside that subculture are more subcultures. it's amazing how people who speak English well have become the minority in this profession. It's a point easily proven by anyone who's been to Makati at three in the morning.
I have made a lot of new friends and I'm glad that these are people who have chosen to come into my life and stay. In an exercise during voice and accent training, we were asked to write a couple of goals. being a trained teacher, i had cognitive, affective and psychomotor goals. my affective goal was to build real friendships with people and i can honestly say that I have accomplished that. Cheesiness aside, I pride myself in having found two really amazing people who let me be me. I now see that I am in a place where I no longer have to be the person I once was. For once, i can just be me.
Work does have some challenges though. Recently, I've gotten into a little argument with one of the trainers and it was nice to see that I have definitely not lost my edge. i'm still me. it's all i know and it's all i'll ever be.
Ex-goth friend asked me once what I would change if i could change anything. He then followed this with something that stuck in my head. he said that there is a possibility of changing yourself so drastically but without compromising your personality. as i've proven in previous posts, i am a person who is wholly capable of creating and cultivating drama. and though i have decided to give all that up, i can honestly say that i am still me.
my goodness, i've just re-read this whole post and realized that none of it makes sense. maybe it's the lack of sleep. I'm due at work in eight hours and if i should ever get the chance to catch some zzzzz's, i should just leave now before i babble some more.