3. The last Louis you’ll ever get. (2012)

He said to meet him at the station at 8. I said I needed time to pack a bag. I rushed home, making a mental list of things I needed – my laptop, some clothes, a couple of books, and some records… Yes, I was starting a new life with him but I couldn’t do it with just the clothes on my back.  

My sister was home. Damn it. So much for a clean getaway. I nodded hello and went straight to my room. Within seconds, it is a whirlwind of clothes and hangers, books in disarray, and a lone weekender filled to the brim with my stuff.

There was a gentle knocking on my door but I ignored it. My sister tried to come in but some clothes were trapped under. She inched her way into my room and sees me mid-flee.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“And you need all that stuff while you’re out?”

“Yes.”

“Cut the bullshit. Tell me where you’re really going.”

“I’m leaving, okay? I’m done here. I –” I found myself repeating words said to me just hours before. “My luck has run out and we’re –I’m – getting out of here.”

“Okay,” she said calmly. Perhaps she knew I would not be stopped. “Does this have anything to do with…”

“Yes, okay. Is that what you want to hear? We’re running away like some bullshit telenovela. Now if you’ll excuse me, I don’t have much time left. I need to get my shit together.”

“I’ll leave you to it. I won’t try to stop you but maybe there’s something you should know.” I stopped in my tracks, a sweater hanging limply on one side of a hanger and raise an eyebrow to tell her to go on.

“Why are you doing this?” 

“I told you, I have to get away.”

“I know but why… him?” She said the last word shyly. We had never really discussed my lover in such candor.  

“I don’t know. Because you know… about… You know about me. You know that I’m never going to be like you – I’m never gonna have a family and make mom proud. I just… I gotta take this chance because this may be the only one I get.”

“That’s… I can understand that.” She looked down at her feet, searching for words that elude her. “Where will you live? And will you call me when you get there?”

“I don’t know,” I snapped. “Maybe we’ll plant kamote and die.” She sighs. “So what is it? What do I need to know?”

She took a deep breath and sat on my bed. She patted the space beside her to tell me to sit down. I obliged. “You could leave. I won’t tell anyone. But if you do… that bag you’re packing may be the last Louis you’ll ever get. Are you ready for that?”

I know what she meant. It wasn’t the bag. It was everything it stood for. It was the life I had in the city, one whose luck hadn’t run out. It was all I was preparing to leave behind.

“But what if this is my only chance to love and be loved? Don’t I deserve that? Wouldn’t that be worth it in the end?”

♫: MUNA| Winterbreak (2017)
Photo: pexels