kissing

	Bliss   Kissing   Quiet Letters

We live in a world full of lies. Every day, we run into liars and fakers and it’s easy to get lost in all of it. Sometimes, I feel like joining the party, like maybe that would make everything easier. I know all the lines by heart. It’s easy to fake a smile. But then I’d be lying too, wouldn’t I?

Last night in bed, I stared doubtfully at our reflection. You seemed so small and frail, like a child spooning a giant. Your left leg rested comfortably on my hip. Your face peeked from the valleys of my shoulder. It seemed I could squish you like a bug if I wanted to.

“Parang ang liit mo,” I said as I stubbed my cigarette into the ashtray.

“Ikaw na. Ikaw na matangkad.”

What I wanted to say had nothing to do with height. What I meant was I wasn’t really sure if you could take me. Adaptation makes the parts we need bigger and the parts we don’t, smaller. For years, I’ve cultivated my wrath, my bitterness and strength. It’s helped me survive. It’s helped me write. What makes you think it would be that easy to undo all of that?

I sighed, one of those long, pregnant sighs when you know I’ve gone crazy again. In my head, the questions kept burning. Why do you love me? I have nothing left to give. Why do you stay?

And then you kissed me.

You kissed me and I tasted truth. Everything, all the doubts in my head and the voices that tell me it’s not gonna work, they all faded away. These are lies, your lips taught me. Believe only in this, they whispered as you kissed our hands intertwined. Trust only this, they said as you kissed the left side of my chest.

You kissed me and I felt honest again. It was a quiet shift but I felt it. My lips formed a clumsy smile. My heart sang a quiet song.

On a journey of the heart,
there’s so much to see.
And when the sky is dark,
you’ll be right here,
right here with me.

We could fly,
you and I.
On a cloud,
kissing, kissing.

Photo Credit: robyn