It’s funny. When you’re hurting, you feel like your pain is so unique- as if you’re the only person in the whole world who could feel that way. I learned that it isn’t so. A lot of my friends have gone through the same thing. They met their own versions of you. Some of them suffered through the storm. Others (like me) bailed at the first sign of pain.
There was one friend in particular who told me she tried her best to live with the pain. She said it took years before she finally wised up and got rid of the problem. After the heartache and the healing, she wondered why she didn't get rid of it earlier. She said I was lucky that we parted ways before you had a chance to cause serious damage. I wondered if I was truly lucky. If it was for my own good, why does it hurt so much? Maybe I needed the years of pain. Maybe I needed to be hurt by you to know that I couldn’t be with you.
Maybe I should've thought twice before I made any rash decisions. Maybe I hit the brakes too soon.
Ice cream. You know how much I hate ice cream. Sometimes, you felt the pain I would feel whenever I eat this sweet, cold torture device disguised as dessert. Call it masochism. Call it obedience. Call it stupidity but after all this, this whatever-this-is, it’s the only thing that's kept me sane. I’ve eaten nothing but ice cream since you left. Chocolate, mango, ube, vanilla- it didn't matter. I couldn’t get enough of the sweet, icy pleasure it brought. Perhaps I’ve gone mad. Perhaps I was numbing the pain of being without you. All I know is it made the pain go away and for that I am forever grateful for this saccharine gift of God.
After you left, the pain was almost immediate. I couldn’t walk. I felt like I was going to die. Even breathing felt like such a chore. My daily routine felt like a death sentence. I just wanted to stay in bed all day, hiding from the sunlight and other things I imagined would hurt. I didn’t think I would find the strength to move on and live but I did.
Saying goodbye is never easy. As I wrap you in a small plastic bag and throw you in a box marked PERSONAL, I know that I'll be okay again soon. One day, we’ll meet again and hopefully when that time comes, it won’t hurt as much. Take care, dear
Goodbye To You
The Spirit Room
BUDDUMP-BUMP TSSHHHH. So the Philippine Blog Awards in Luzon was held last week and in all the excitement, I completely forgot that my blog turned five years old! Even though I so wanted to go, I couldn’t because I had work and stuff. Good thing my friend YJ was there and he sent me these super cool pictures.
The collage idea was super cool. I must admit, seeing my screenshot on the wall made me tear up a little. I was a little sad at first when he called me to say that I lost but when I found out who won, I knew the judges totally knew what they were doing.
Congratulations to Writing on Air! Jim Paredes is an excellent writer. The inner paparazzo in me has been stalking his page ever since. To all the other finalists, congratulations too! It was a great honor to be in your company. Blog on!