I wrote this last night with the intention of posting it as soon as I got home. Apparently, my body had a completely different plan. With the fan broken, I don't know how I managed to fall asleep. All I know is, I haven't felt this rested in months.
It’s stupid because I know what’s wrong. I always get this way when I don’t get enough sleep. I should learn to get enough sleep but it seems I never learn my lesson. Yesterday, I got home at 6 in the morning. The day before, I got home at 5. I'm not even on the night shift! I’m overworking my body, I know. I just feel like I never see enough of my friends so when I’m not working, I try to squeeze them into my overloaded schedule.
Segue to Monday at the office. In a pathetic effort to stay awake, I had a big tumbler of coffee. When I finished it, I had another (and another). Lack of sleep + too much coffee = major headache.
And in murky caffeine-induced visions, I started seeing ghosts. Three months ago, I saw the exact same one. Let go, it said and I think I have. I’ve given up parts of me to live the life that I have now. I didn’t know why it was still there. Let me go. I can’t leave until you let me go, it said.
I have! I retorted. I don’t think about you anymore. I’ve let go so leave me alone! Why was this ghost bothering me?
My headache’s killing me. I just took a large pill the color of Ariel’s hair. Maybe the ghost will leave me alone once the meds kick in. In my medicated state, an epiphany crept up and demanded attention. I should learn that quick fixes never work. Coffee will wake you up (to the point of palpitation) but it will never match a good eight hours of sleep. Sometimes, we ignore certain issues to the point where you’ve convinced everyone (including yourself) that it’s been resolved but then all it takes is a vulnerable moment to realize it isn’t so.
And so tonight, I’m going to sleep really early. Despite the fact that I want to surf and bloghop, I don’t want tomorrow to be anything like today. I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I want to sleep so much, my eyes will hurt when I wake up. I want to sleep until I can’t even think of sleeping anymore. Yes. I think I’m going to sleep now.