tabatsooooy!!!

Four years ago, I was a bit of a health buff. It was a little thing that turned into an everyday habit. I wouldn't say habit, now that I think about it. I was literally obsessed. I jogged everyday at 5 o'clock (because I read somewhere that that's your body's peak exercise time), did up to 80 sit ups a day and ate Sky Flakes for lunch. At one point, I tipped the scales at 119 (which was no easy task, mind you). My sisters staged a couple of interventions which were pretty funny but also kinda scary.

Three years ago, I slowly started to gain weight. Then the pounds came rolling in. And then they wouldn't stop. I ended the year at 135 and stopped counting from then on.

Today, I'm at a hundred-something. That's my answer if anybody asks. It's not that I'm M.O. or anything. I just like to eat. I like how with food you get all these different sensations- texture, flavor, smell, anything and everything about food just makes me feel so alive.. and so hungry.

In mundane moments, I find myself entertaining the thought of dieting again. The wonderful cure-all for fattyfoofoos. Eat less, weigh less. Hmm.. maybe not. It's on those days when I subconsciously forgo shaving so that no one will notice that extra chin. Or when I've gone through tons of shirts to find one that doesn't make me look like a dumpling.

It's funny to look back now and see what I once was and what I am now. I haven't completely withdrawn from sanity. I try to walk to and from work as much as I can. I also try to eat healthy food as much as I can but there are days and moments (like today!!!) when I start to wonder how I went from Sky Flakes to this: (ladies and gentlemen, my tabatsoooy moments)

1. a bottle of VitWater (to convince myself that l-carnitine works without exercise)
2. a chicken sandwich from mister donut (na-curious ako kasi it looked good. plus chicken's healthy naman diba? and may veggies pa yun)
3. Grape soda (to go with the sandwich. At least may parts parin na fruit)
   
4. A 22oz Fruitas mango shake (it's fruit and it's got milk so maganda yan! healthing healthy!)
5. Egg rolls (which I found in the house. Snack lang. Nakakapagod magdiet! Kailangan ng reward)
6. Lunch time na! Seafood platter from the GCMA concessionaire (seafood siya so at least slightly healthy parin. never mind na imitation crab meat is made of mystery meat.)
7. California Maki (kasi bitin yung seafood platter! Dessert siya at konti lang naman yung roe. Plus the wasabi will be good for my cold (?))
8. (more) grape soda. I never really paid much attention to the Coke machine at work but the thought of more grape soda seemed so yummy at that time.
9. (more) Egg rolls. Gotta finish the box. Sayan naman diba?
10. (and the winner is...) Lechon + Tofu (weird tokwa't baboy mix) from the concessionaire nanaman. While getting coffee with Chama, we passed the food people and the porky parts were screaming my name. It took me a long time to decide if I wanted some pero in the end, *sigh*
11. (segue to me walking home promising myself di na ako kakain when... tada!!!) tortang talong for dinner!!! with afritada!!! *sobs* a few spoonfuls.
12. (but wait, there's more!!!) two twix bars and a glass of coke (for the energy to write this down)

Maybe it's because my wallet's been looking pretty thin lately. Payday just happened to fall on a Thursday so everyone's feeling the stretch. I once heard that when you've got only x amount of dollars left, go out and get the biggest steak you can find and treat yourself to a shoeshine. Parang emotional hoarding. You hoard good vibes of fullness and contentment kasi your body's not sure when it'll experience bounty again.

Must... stop... eating...