daily frustrations

As I'm writing this, the computer clock tells me it's 11:27 but my body clock says it's almost midnight. I slept for about two hours only to wake up at around 9am this morning. Lately, i've been having a hard time staying in bed. Getting to sleep is fine but if completely left alone, I's only get two to three hours of sleep a day.

Payday's next wednesday and frankly, i can't wait. amidst the rush of buying work clothes and eating real food during lunch breaks, I didn't realize I turned into such a spending hog. All that's going to change. It has to. Mind over matter.... mind over matter...

I was watching this Hilary Duff flick on HBO and it was that one with Heather Locklear and Ms. Duff was a blogger. I just realized how poorly some lines were written. I don't think I've ever heard (or read) anyone start their blog with "Hey there bloggers!". Usually, I talk to the readers but I've never addressed them collectively. It was kind of freaky.

In a few hours, i'm looking forward to gettign some coffee. It's one of those days and I think I have enough time for some caffeine. I figured at this rate, I'll never get to sleep so I might as well just do everything in my power to stay awake.

Daily frustration, well more like weekly... I was in the office and I was Googling people (I heard it was a really big offense and I could lose my bonus so let's hope no one else reads this!) and I found some poems that a colleague wrote. So i was looking for some of my own poetry so I googled "pugnosedfreakazoid poetry". I got a couple of hits, most of which were not linked to my poems. So to see what was up, I googled "pugnosedfreakazoid" and the events that followed were both a rush and a disappointment.

I was nominated for a Philippine Blog Award. *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*

Here's the catch: the contest ended last February and I totally lost.

Frustration... Elation... Precipitation... All this and I had to keep a straight face in front of the trainers at the office. At first, I was all "Wow! This is a great honor!" but after a while I got to thinking and I saw that many of the nominated blogs were able to promote their site. I checked out the criteria and there's a whole percentage on traffic and stuff. Looking at my blog in February, it wasn't much. Had I knoiwn, I might have done a lot more than just bitch about my life.

A blog is about self-expression and I guess if I angled myself a certain way, I wouldn't be true to what a blog should be.

Anyway, it's really got me confused since I checked out the nominating procedures and they seem a bit complicated. I honestly think I'd remember filling out entry forms and stuff. Which means someone who frequents this blog must've nominated me. That alone got me really freaked out.

In my moment of confusion, I started looking at my competitors. A lot of them have domains and stuff which although is nice and all seemed kinda against the whole "grassroots" theme. Well, I guess their blogs have really taken off, giving them branches and leaves and a huge trunk. Maybe I'm just bitter but a lot of those blogs were reaaaaaly cool. As in! (Here's the link if you wanna check them out) It was then I realized that it really was an honor to be nominated. And the fact that I had nothing to do with the nomination makes it even sweeter. My blog has had 223 posts (this is 224) over about 4 years and while I've been posting quite heavily, if you take a look at the criteria, I'm so not there yet. I don't deserve to be in their level. Basically, my consistency is pretty much shot. Anyway, I'm taking the advice of my friends and just continue to post at my own pace and if they notice me again, maybe.. just maybe... i'll start a campaign.

So that's my frustration today. That and my inability to sleep. I think I'm starting to make peace with the award thing. I should just focus on what I started this blog for right? Oh well...