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I don't look a thing like Jesus but I talk like a gentleman.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

how to create a citybuoy blog post (or how I became the poster boy for emo)

Step 1: Choose a theme. Feel free to choose from the following. They’ve gotten me through the last few hundred posts.
  1. You are extremely unhappy with your love life because
    1. You are dating someone who is emotionally unavailable.
    2. You are dating someone who is in love with someone else.
    3. Your ex keeps haunting your dreams.
    4. You are dating someone who is generally fucked up (but you lahvett)
  2. You are extremely unhappy with how your life turned out because
    1. Your mother/father/brother/sister/how do you brush your teeth? is emotionally unsupportive.
    2. You were never able to reach for your dreams.
    3. You are crippled with the past and how things were easier then.
    4. You have writers block and your stories are starting to haunt you.
    5. You feel fat/stupid/ugly/all of the above.
  3. You are extremely unhappy in general because
    1. The world is out to get you.
    2. Nothing goes your way.
    3. Nobody loves you.
    4. Even you hate yourself.

Step 2: Establishing shots. Always use your current surrounding (this is also why *where* you write is very important). Now make the scene darker. Now imagine that it’s raining. Now imagine that you’re balled up in a little corner with your arms around your knees and you’re rocking gently back and forth. You there yet? Good. Now describe small details before “zooming out” to the bigger ones. In other words, write like an ant.

Step 3: Conversing conversationally. Make your characters talk. Use a lot of adjectives in your dialogue. Use a lot of adverbs in your attributions. When you can’t think of any lines, feel free to borrow from movies or songs. I promise you. No one will even notice. Also, try putting two physical things and one metaphorical thing in the same sentence (eg. I handed him my bag, my coat, and all the love my little heart could give.) They’ll be shitting rainbows on your serial comma.

Step 4: Emotional equivalent of an a-bomb. Many thanks to ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ for coining the term. Think of a really sappy line. Now add the following:
  1. Mozzarella
  2. Cheddar
  3. Feta
  4. Brie
  5. Camembert
  6. Edam
  7. Monterey jack
  8. Parmesan
  9. That quezo de bola from two Christmases ago.
Note: Position these carefully. They’re best placed in unsuspecting paragraphs.

Step 5: Who you calling an idiom? Each post needs at least one idiom. Not only will this make you look smart, it will also make the plot easier to contain since most idioms have a pretty long back story anyway. For more information, click here.

Step 7: Write the tragic ending. Short version: you always end up alone. Bonus points if you have any of the following in the final paragraph:
  1. An epiphany.
  2. A renewed sense of optimism.
  3. A reworked version of the lead sentence (also known as the Taylor Swift final chorus).
  4. Emotional equivalent of an a-bomb.
  5. An open question (This rocks the foshizzle out of your comments page. It gives people something to say other than “nice story” or “I love the structure of this post.”)

Step 8: Kudakan. Tie the whole thing together using media.
  1. Locate a melancholy picture. When all else fails, go to deviantART and search for the word “sad” under “Photography.”
  2. Lomofy the shit out of that picture. Rotate, crop and scale to 620 x 220.
  3. Choose a song. Anything by an angry/depressing singer-songwriter will do. If all else fails, Google your theme with the word “lyrics” and feast on the first search results page.
  4. Use the following code to post the picture and embed the song:

Let's try it!!!

night swim

“Why is this lake salty?” he asked. His teeth chattered while he spoke. Truth is, I’d done all I could to avoid him. It’s in these dreams I have of him where his memory refuses to die. And so although my waking life is rid of him, my dreams have always held him every night since the day he left.

“Let’s go for a swim,” I said hurriedly, my breath fogging up from the cold. In this dream, we are at the lake house where I first dared to call him my own. I unbuttoned my shirt and stripped to my underwear.

“It’s freezing,” he wistfully retorts, his puny arms shivering. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“With us, are there ever any good ideas?” He took off his shirt and lay on the grass by the lake. I sat down beside him, feeling the dampness of the earth seeping through my nakedness. He continued to strip and made neat piles of our clothing. I glanced as he removed his underwear, feeling my erection snake from underneath. I took his hand and under the moonlight in the shrill cold of that November night, we went into the water.

I held his face, my hands fumbling through his dark eyes, his sharp nose, his crooked mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair like a comb. As we kissed, I began to push his head down the water. We both knew what was coming.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked just before his mouth disappeared into the water.

“Because I need to keep living. Because I want to give myself fully to my new lover. Because your memory still haunts me when I sleep.”

“Then let go,” he said and so I did. He submerged his head under the water on his own. I could still see his under the haunting moonlight, telling me he understood why I needed to kill him. A few moments later, he let out a few bubbles. Then I saw a flash of panic in his eyes. One more thing, they said and it was clear he wasn’t going without a fight. I placed both hands on his head again. He flinched a little as he tried to make his way back up. His arms and legs waved frantically underwater. I firmly pressed both down on his head. I felt his claws hard on my body. I knew for sure he’d taken some of my flesh under his nails.

When he’d left, I emerged from the water and walked back to where we left our clothes. I put on my pants, lit a cigarette and prayed the worst was over. I fished out a flask from his back pocket and after taking a swig, I poured the rest of the vodka on his clothes. I flicked my cigarette into the pile and watched the whole thing burn.

“Why is this lake salty?” he asked. His teeth chattered while we spoke. We are at the lake house where I first dared to call him my own.

In the pale moonlight, under the roof of stars, in the water that held both our beating hearts, I whispered my response. “Because we’re swimming in all the tears I couldn’t cry for you.”

I’ve done many things in my life. I’ve reached many highs and survived countless lows. On lonely nights when I wake up from nightmares of him, drenched in sweat, tears and regrets, I often wonder if we ever truly forget.

♫: Alanis Morissette | 8 Easy Steps (2002)
Photo: sad /

The Emo Blogger's Happy Blogging Challenge: Vanity
  • ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ: Vanity, A Series
  • citybuoy: how to create a citybuoy blog post (or how I became the poster boy for emo)

Thursday, March 22, 2012


I probably shouldn’t be writing yet another sappy love post.
I know people only like me when I’m depressed.
But after all the bullshit I went through last year,
Don’t you think I deserve my moment of happiness?
And besides, it’s not like I’m not trying to write.
This story* I’ve been working on hasn’t been going anywhere.
What can I do when every time I pick up my pen, all I can think of is
 you ?

♫: Kylie Minogue | All I See (2008)

The Emo Blogger's Happy Blogging Challenge: Amnesia

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

interlude: a story called three

“I just don’t think it’s fair,” Three said, avoiding any eye contact. “Your whole life turns to shit and you suddenly drop me. Like I didn’t matter. Like you didn’t care if I got to tell my side of the story or not.”

I sighed deeply. His words were difficult to swallow and so I borrowed some courage from the bottle of vodka on the table. He’s right. I know he’s right but I also know I’m not the only one to blame.

“You remember what that time was like for me, right? I couldn’t think of you when thoughts of him possessed my day. I couldn’t focus when every day felt like dying. It’s amazing I even made it out alive.”

“Seven months and not a word from you.” His beady eyes glistened in the moonlight. It was apparent he’d stopped listening altogether.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him. It was all I could afford. I knew that I’d done him wrong.

“So what happens now?” he asked. His voice betrayed a loneliness that was not unlike my own. “You’re okay now, right? Do you think maybe you could… maybe you could try again?”

I let his words marinate in my head. Maybe he’s right. Maybe it is time to finish what I started.

“Let’s go,” I said, my hand extended to him. “We’ve got work to do. How do you want to start?”

“I’ve got something but I think it may be a little melodramatic.” I looked at him and for the first time since I came to him, his eyes met mine.

“Kailan pa naging kasalanan ang umibig?” My fingers started dancing on my keyboard, my laptop barely able to keep up. The line was a little cheesy but it was his story to tell, not mine and so I left the line alone.

Think of your lovers and the distances you’ve crossed because your heart told you to. Think of nights when only tears brought you rest. In lucid moments where logic prevails, ask yourself this simple question. When has it ever been wrong to fall in love?

♫: Stars | Changes (2010)
Photo: The Scream /

BUZZ!!! About half a year ago, I began writing a series of stories. It was to have three parts, each one exposing an angle of the same story. (First part here, second part here) Because of circumstances I’d rather not revisit, I found myself unable to empathize with the third character of the story.

It’s taken me a while but I’m writing Three and finishing this series if it kills me. I’m giving myself until the end of the week. Lezzzzdooodeeeezzz!!!

6AM UPDATE. So I completely forgot that the whole point of this interlude was this question that I wanted people to answer. Early birds did not get to see the last paragraph (here). I’ve been struggling with this part of the character and any thoughts/insights would be very much appreciated. :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


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♫: Rachel Portman | Highlights from Never Let Me Go: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2010)

The Emo Blogger's Happy Blogging Challenge: Happiness and One of the Five Senses