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I don't look a thing like Jesus but I talk like a gentleman.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

the decks

Subtitled: the femis and the boy-boys



Introduction
growing up with three sisters, one could never describe me as a boy-boy. There was always something wrong with me. I could never shoot a ball. I never learned to ride a bike. I tire so easily, it's ridiculous. Let's just say I was an easy target for the neigborhood boys who never really sat well with me. But all that drama is for a different post: one that i can't really do right now but i do want to tell you about the decks. this post is for other femis out there who must know what i'm talking about. It's about the rare times that femis and boy-boys become friends.

Definition of terms
what's a femi? i can almost hear people ask. well, femi is a made up word and it's short for effeminate. you're a femi if you
a. can't play basketball
b. never hung out with the neighborhood boy-boys
c. were ever called the g word more than once
which brings me to the next term. you are almost always a boy-boy if you
a. are dark from playing basketball
b. have a steady clique with other boy-boys

Of course these are all under Philippine contexts of male masculinity. I doubt if i'd still be a femi elsewhere.

The Deck
So, let's talk about the deck. As a femi, it's very difficult to maintain a friendship with a boy-boy. It's easy to be cliche and say that femis only want one thing from boy-boys but if you're a traditional femi like me, you won't really need nor want a relationship from a boy-boy. usually, you can hang out with other femis and compare notes on tori amos or jewel kilcher. but in my twenty years of existence, i've known four types of boy-boys who will offer friendship. some are nice, some will kill you, some types may even make you want to kill yourself. okay, let's start.

The King
The King, just like the medieval creature is difficult to approach. He's often got his own version of an entourage of other boy-boys and at least one femi. my experience with the king came in sophomore high school. we're still friends up to know so that's gotta count for something.
Spotting A King - he's the star of the deck. He knows it and he acts the part. He's always got an answer to everything and is often referred to when an argument arises. Usually the firstborne in his family (but my king was the youngest).
The Good - He's always there for you. He's bound to add some points to your social points. He'll be there to listen to you.
The Bad - He may listen to you but never expect to have his undivided attention as his kingly duties forbid him to have more than one best friend and that spot's usually taken by a boy-boy he met when he was yea high.
The Ugly - Like most people in power, the king almost always listens to rumors from his entourage. thus spelled the end of my friendship with the king. i wanted friendship and he misinterpreted it as something else. not that i didn't have fun with him. in fact, as i said, i'm still in touch with him.

The Queen
The Queen is the rarest of all the deck. He's often quiet, most defintely regal and has withstood rumors of his sexuality but occasionally, he lands a girl and thus quels all rumors.
Spotting A Queen - Regal. Quiet. So unapproachable at first. My Queen approached me first. That's why he's so rare. Most femis back off.
The Good - He's regal and he'll teach you stuff. Mine taught me how to be icey. He's lots of fun and he brings something the other cards can't bring to the table.
The Bad - Being icey, any intimacy conversation-wise that you'll get is either super quelled and pacified or ludicrously over-share.
The Ugly - Queens have a tendency of dropping you just like that as if you've outlived your purpose or something. Let's just say i'm still smarting from this one.

The Jack
The Jack is playful and coy and he's going to make you a boy-boy, or at least a convincing one.
Spotting A Jack - You've heard of the Jack of all Trades? Jacks are smart and know at least two instruments. My jack knew how to draw and sing.
The Good - He taught me how to live in the moment. He will change you into a boy-boy.
The Bad - Being so effing cool, you will have many competitions with the Jack. he most often has a brood of gay-gays, boy-boys, and femis who are all vying for his attention.
The Ugly - Not sure if it's all the same with all Jacks but mine tried to change me and when he couldn't turn me into a passable boy-boy, dropped me just like the Queen. The good news is being so coy, he'll apologize years later and you'll be awkward friends.

The Joker
This one's the best one yet. He'll make you laugh and offer tons of reassurance.
Spotting A Joker - Of the deck, he's always the one who's got a girlfriend. A girlfriend who lives far away so he can be cheeky but not that far away that he'll stray.
The Good - He'll always have your undivided attention, except that is until a good joke gets in the way. He'll laugh at anything and will make you feel better when you're down. The heart-to hearts are the best, as with all members of the deck. He'll call you smart and reassure you when needed. Just like the card, he knows when he's needed and leaves when he's not.
The Bad - He's cool with stuff but he's got his own stuff going on so he's not alwyats there for you. Not really a bad trait but considering i'm spoiled, it gets in the way.
The Ugly - nada. Jokers are the best.

So that was it. That was my little deck. I hope you enjoyed it. Pictures were taken somewhere from Google. Feel free to drop a comment and tell me about your versions of the deck.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

greatest hits and misses

i don't remember the feeling of jealousy. there were times when i was envious, that much i will admit but the last time i was really jealous, i doubt that was it. i was young and stupid (i'm not a wuss. i didn't want to say i was naive) and i probably had no right to be jealous anyway but last week, seeing something unravel before me- something that i tried to supress but came out anyway. i don't know. i stared blankly for the rest of the day and i didn't know who i could tell. what business do they have with each other? hearing a friend's confirmation spelled the end of a long-time relationship. maybe it was meant to happen. after all, when people walk away from you, we should let them go. our destiny is never tied to anybody who can just pick up and leave you. i guess it doesn't mean they are bad people. it just means that their part in your story is over. someone sent that message to me and i guess i believe in some power that controls my life. oh well, you win some, you lose some.

anyways, i watched the departed and it totally rocked. my sister's been pressuring me to watch infernal affairs for years now and i think i am going to now. hahaha... and i actually gained a new-found respect for leonardo dicaprio. scorsese is a genius. this movie totally rocked.

anything with jack nicholson turns into an event. i think leonard maltin said that and it's true. it's cool how they used the irish instead of the mafia. it would have been compared endlessly to the godfather. my sister says the departed's definitely better than infernal affairs. hollywood ending and all, it's really cool.

updates. aka affirmations for the lonely.
1. i hate matt damon.
2. leo's cool again.
3. love is for losers. bwahahaha
4. where are people when you need them.
5. anyone wanna watch pelicula pelikula (spanish filmfest) in greenbelt with me?
5. ambiguous people who don't tell you their intentions suck.
6. alchoholics know how to live.
7. being single totally sucks, despite what the single losers say.
8. bagyong milenyo- take me with you!
9. we filipinos are living in billboard hell. <-bwahahahaha i <3 miriam!