Wednesday, January 18, 2006

i wanna die alone with my sympathy

I'm walking down in the basement / I'm leaning on the washing machine / I'm reaching back through a hole in the wall's insulation / I'm pulling out a bottle of vodka / Replacing that with a pint of Jim Beam / I'm lying down on the floor until I feel better / It's morning and I pour myself coffee / I drink it 'til the kitchen stops shaking / I'm backing out of the driveway and into creation / And the loving spirit that follows me, watching helplessly / Will always forgive me / Oh I want to die alone with my sympathy beside me / I want to bring down all those demons who drank with me / Feasting gleefully on my desperation / I hide all the bottles in places / They find and confront me with pain in their eyes / And I promise that I'll make some changes / But reaching back it occurs to me / There will always be some kind of crisis for me / Oh I want to die alone with my sympathy beside me / I want to bring back all those moments they stole from me / In my reverie / Darkening day's end / Oh I want to die alone with my memories inside me / I want to live that life when I could say people had faith in me / I still see that guy in my memory / Oh I want to die alone with my sympathy beside me / I want to bring down all those people who drank with me / Watching happily / My humiliation

I've forgotten how good a peanut butter sandwich is or how warm it feels to stay in bed and snuggle. In the pursuit of success or whatever it is i've been pursuing, i've forgotten the things that used to make me smile like sunny mornings and people who speak bad english. Today, i had three preliminary exams, two more tomorrow, about four hours of sleep, and a slowly burning wick of patience. But if you think about it, what have I really done? I've tried so hard to prove to people that I'm worth being with that I've forgotten who I am. The glass is neither half empty or half full. The glass is broken.

On a lighter note, I'm pretty optimistic about seeing that Jason Mraz concert on Saturday. Ironically, i bought two original CDs yesterday and they were both on sale. Still, despite all of this, there's been this dark cloud surrounding me.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll feel better.

1 comment:

  1. oh my gawd. i so envy u. I'm supposed to go at the concert. But i have exams that very day and I still have to commute. not to mention the traffic. poor me. (T_T)

    on the beyonce cd... i have no idea. hehe