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I'm vulnerable. I'm vulnerable (but) I am not a robot.

Monday, June 27, 2005

my brothers they never went blind for what they did

this album is so brilliant!
Jagged Little Pill is one of the rare albums that hit me hard. I've had it since 1995. (Actually, my sister did. I didn't get an actual copy till I was old enough to buy one!) I remember sneaking my sister's copy out every once in a while and listening to Perfect or Mary Jane and basically letting the music pull me through some of the hardest days of my life. Everyone said she was too angry, too jaded, there was always something wrong with her. Being a repressed product of a strict Christian school, I had to listen to it in private and spoke to no one.

To date, there is no song in that album that I cannot sing to. I think everyone knows at least one Alanis song enough to sing to its words.

Under Rug Swept soon became another favorite. That Particular Time and Flinch felt like Alanis ripped my heart out and wrote a song about it. I don't say that often about songs. It's rare to find a song that speaks directly to us.

Okay, thank bootleg city I finally have a Jagged Little Pill Acoustic album! It's been released in Starbucks America since early this month. I was going to wait until July 26 when the album will be released internationally but the pirates have helped me see through that.

All the tracks follow the same order as the original but have gone through a lot of changes in terms of vocals and instruments used. Some have the eary strings reminiscent of Uninvited. Admittedly, this album is less powerful than the first one but any hard fan will appreciate the fresh spin on the songs. It mirrors the artist itself as we all know Alanis had become tamer through the years. Yes, she still screams about heartache and pain but this time, you get a feeling that she's past it and is on her way to redemption.

All the songs are stripped down, that is except for the previously hidden track Your House. This and Forgiven are my two favorite JLP tracks on both versions. Because the old YH left plenty to the imagination in its accapella form, I was initially wary that the acoustic accompanied version would fare less than the original. I was not disappointed though. The dressed up version includes a very touching guitar that sounds the words' pain with each stroke. This is a very beautiful album. From beginning to end, it showcases how one can grow beautifully from pain. It almost feels like a story that we've all heard before told in a totally different manner.

Can't wait till July 26 'till I can finally get the original one. According to the internet, it'll be enhanced and stuff. My copy isn't so I'll surely get an original copy when it's released. Alanis totally rocks!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

moving in and out

Subtitled: YOU NEVER DESERVED ME!!!

Nope, this is not a love post. I told Tara I wouldn't do that anymore! Read on...

Moving in and out of houses has always been a difficult process for me. I was living in the same house for sixteen years before the modern laws of commerce dictated we move elsewhere. Three years ago, we moved into this smaller house. The floorboards creak when we move around. There are rats, mites and other unspeakable horrors lurking in the darkness. Despite all this, I believe I am content.

The process for me may seem more intense than others. We fall in and out of love and go through such a complex process. Just like in moving out of a house. I start to feel pity for the walls that have sheltered me for years. I start to reminisce those times I spent when the house seemed to be the only place I felt safe. Then I start to feel anger or even hatred. This house has hindered me from doing so many things in the past. You start to notice all the flaws in the house, every crack, every hole, every time you felt scared. The last stage is pity. You will be empty after I am gone.

It doesn’t matter how many more people live here. This house will have always been our house. It’s like an indelible mark we leave, a remnant of our spirits. Upon first glance, we have a good view of who has lived in the house. The kinds of things they leave behind the house are an indicator of the life they led. Our current house, according to our landlord at least, once was home to a famous comedian trio, Tito, Vic, and Joey. The house smells like olden days, probably because it’s been around since the early 1970’s.

Today, I finally realized that our moving to a new place is final. We even have a date set out: July 16, 2005. On that Saturday (that could have been a regular day if only we weren’t moving out) we will finally leave this house that has housed us for close to three years. We will move to a house that’s closer to everything, a walk a couple of minutes from Robinson’s Pioneer. Everything’s perfect at this point. All our demands were met. The money is provided for. But something in our new house makes me feel uneasy.

It’s not that it’s so much closer to 2105. It’s not that it’s so much closer to my Achi’s place. In fact, that’s even a plus for me. It’s the house itself that kinda creeped me out. Emblazoned on the wall are four words that gave me the creeps: “You Never Deserved ME!!!”. I don’t know who wrote it. I don’t know what kind of heartache she was left in. I don’t even know if she leapt to her death. 29 floors above the ground is no laughing matter. Come to think of it, I doubt that would’ve happened since we didn’t really hear anything about it in the news. An old-new house has its stories and as a writer, it’s fun to imagine what kind of people lived there. I saw a pet cage, an old refrigerator, a pirated copy of Mr. And Mrs. Smith, among other things.

The broker said it once was owned by Johnny Litton. I don’t know who he is but my father says he was a lewd comedian in the late eighties to early nineties. I asked him if it was “Oh No, It’s Johnny” Johnny and he said “probably”.

Another thing about our new house is, it’s where Nina shot her video for jealous. The pool deck is where she was throwing pictures of her and the guy. Just a little bit of info.

There’s a gym, a pool, bowling, and a tennis court and I’ll probably enroll in the gym. Now that I’ll be farther from the park, I’ll have to find my exercise elsewhere.

I’ll be much closer to Gabe, my new nephew who will be born around the time we move in. My sister will be taking her maternity leave then until September so I’ll be seeing her, too everyday.

I guess it’s all for the better but I can’t help but feel pity for this house. I’m in the last stage, I guess and all I can say is I hope this works out. If it isn’t God’s will then I’m sure something would’ve stopped us by now. Everyone’s just psyched that we’re moving. I should be, too.

Clockwise: Me on the far left, Grayzel, Marianne, and Mikee!Nostalgia moment: I was clearing out my files in this computer in a desperate effort to reclaim processing speed. Look what I found. It’s such a shame things didn’t work out for the four of us. They have their own world now and it saddened me at first that they no longer wanted me to be a part of it but I wish them well and congratulate them for moving on. I’m moving on as well. I guess it’s much better when the L word doesn’t get in the way of my studies. Hover over it to see who’s who. :D

That’s it. Gotta go do homework now. If only I didn’t feel so lazyyyy… *yawn* Maybe I’ll just go see The Machinist.





CHECK THIS OUT!

I feel inspired to actually maintain this thing thanks to the guy who posted my first comment in the previous post.
This is from the Iris, a webmistress from BrandonRouth.com. She has a blog which i posted a comment in eons ago. I visited it again recently and I'm glad i'm not the only one who appreciates comments! She should get more traffic considering her blog is linked to the main page itself! Anyways, i'll frequent her blog more often now. :D

PS to everyone who's exchanged links with me, i promise i'll tag and leave comments when i've got free time! :D Blog on!

Friday, June 24, 2005

tide you over

pepsi has renewd my contract! haha don't be afraid to ask for more!
Who's a hog? I AM! today, i managed to pack a gazillion pounds. the culprit: three of four ridiculously delicious go nuts fab four donuts. i'm glad they pried the fourth one away from my hands or else i'll never be thin again. NEVER!

okay, here's i am about to break the silence yet again. not with wind, of course. i've been real busy making a new template. I've been getting so sick of my template that no amount of new javascripts i learned to install can make it better. like i said, I've got a new one in the works and hopefully, y'all will like it. it's predominantly black, in contrast with my bright and sunny current template. i've been photoshopping like crazy all day trying to make my most original (and second) template yet. here's a little taste of what's to come. you can also find this in my friendster profile (yes, i still use friendster and no, i dont think it's cliche.) this comes in the center of my main picture. i've got a whole new and totally different sidebar! :D

why do people hate friendster? i mean i know it's slow and stuff but i think people who ask users to boycott friendster and jump to myspace are kinda cuckoo. i worked really hard to get that little amount of friends i have and i won't start all over again. plus, people who say it's out of style are the same people who only joined because once upon a time it was. joining a website because people say it's in style is kinda whack, don't you think. uh oh. i hope people don't get mad at me. im just speaking my mind! :D

i sound like an idiot. must be becuase i havent blogged in days!

my folks are watching the machinist. i bought my copy yesterday. not sure if it's any good. i only bought it because all the reviews of batman returns mention it somehow. i watched a couple scenes whenever my mom would gasp in horror and it seems kinda creepy. suspense thriller plus christian bale beyond anorexic.

i don't think i'll post a review of batman returns until i can watch the machinist. i think i'll have better judgement on christian if i've seen his previous work. preliminary judgements are optimistic, of course although i still think katie holmes could use a bra.

i didn't know you could upload pictures straight via blogger. all the while, i was still uploading it via geocities. it's just a bitch to upload here though. i think i got to upload that picture after three tries. hope they can improve it somehow. it's very convenient like this. :D the coding seems more complex though. they used style attributes and stuff. you can even assign one of those hover tooltips. haha :D amazing!

things i have to do:
  • watch the machinist
  • write a proper review for the machinist and batman
  • watch my superman dvd
  • return my stupid nicole kidman (birth) dvd
  • do a ton of homework. notice the hieararchy (spel?)
  • finish encoding my record collection so that i can update my pusit ad
  • update my pusit ad for cds
  • sleep
that's it. that's everything. hopefully, i can make more sense of this in the morning. hey, is it obvious i'm just starting to learn HTML? those unordered lists are so much fun.

you know whats hard about always being happy (on the outside at least)? when you're actually sad, no one helps you. yesterday, i was feeling kind of sad. i had this really weird dream. it wasn't a nightmare or anything. in fact it was one of the best dreams i've ever had. i felt so safe and secure as this faceless and genderless person let me lean on (it). (it) kept assuring me, saying things like 'you may think no one understands you but i embrace your complexities and i make them my own'. i felt so safe in (its) arms. when it was time for (it) to go, i didn't even know (its) name. story of my life. one-sided love. when i was younger it was always about me.

creepy thing was in the morning, i realized who the person was. we weren't even that close. we just spoke a couple of times. i told my friend about it but she didn't even comment. i guess that's the problem with us happy guys. when we aren't, no one's there to cheer us up.

how do you face a person you've loved in a dream? how do you talk to that person after you've shared so much in your subconscious. i hope i can come up with the answers as soon as possible. classes resume on monday.

i've got a test on monday and hopefully i'll ace it and become editor in chief. i know it may seem like a long shot. people have been doubting my loyalty to the organization. even now, i'm still unsure if i'm no return to ej. my previous posts remind me of what a crazy life i led with ej in the past. it won't be the same without debbie (see links). :( *sigh*

Saturday, June 18, 2005

déjà vu-ing

Yesterday, I proved that I do not trust my instincts enough. I know that as a guy, that's pardonable but I just can't help but feel that if only I listened to my inner voice more often, I wouldn't be so annoyed tonight.

Yesterday, I woke up in déjà vu mode. I had been déjà vu-ing all night in my dreams. In the morning, I was getting my clothes to wear and again, that whole scene seemed so familiar. What was weird was I remember last summer, the same scene happened and it totally blew my mind how I can déjà vu about one thing two times. Okay, enough with the déjà vu.

Class ended at 12 yesterday and my iPod bearing friends wanted to add to their inventory. So off we went to bootleg city. We walked around for a solid hour under the hot Manila sun until we finally decided to go home.

At the back of my mind, I wanted to go straight home but I knew I had to finish the layout gig that's spilled over from summer. I needed to finish it if I wanted to get paid. Even though it was so hot and I was dripping with sweat, I decided to be mature and go to the office.

To go to the office which is in Project 7, I would have to take a Project 6 FX and walk about half a mile to the office. Whereas if I were to go home, I could take the SM Fairview FX and a trike will take care of the rest. Normally, the streets are abound with Project 6 cars while the SM Fairview cars are usually scarce. But that time, it was the other way around. Under the hot sun, fifteen minutes can seem like an hour. I watched as endless SM Fairview FXs drove by, each one cooler than the last. In my heart of hearts, I felt mom had left the laptop and that I should just go home but I was thinking it might be just me in lazy lima been mode.

Voila, when I go there, a note was waiting for me. She did leave the laptop. Grrr...

I also bought some blank CDs for clearing my hard drive of the millions of MP3s that had accumulated. I found a place that sold them for P7 each but the one beside it was selling it for P5. Money at that point was as scarce as the Project 6 cars and I wanted to save that extra money. What's annoying is none of the 10 CDs I bought worked. Whoa, that's like P50 down the drain. I could've eaten na with that much money.

Anyways, here's the cheery side of this post: In continuance with my 'take a chance' week, I bought a couple more discs. Now I may seem addicted to bootleg city but really, this week was a rare time (I actually went there four times).

First stop was audio CD land. I bought a bossa nova sampler after Achi's Next Stop Wonderland totally stole my heart away. I listened to it last night and it was so relazing.

Next was the new Better Than Ezra CD, Before The Robots. I have heard of the group before but I didn't know a single song they penned. I was listening to the radio about last week and I heard American Dream and it totally blew me away. It was so much fun. When I heard the title, I figured it was a back to basics kinda record, retrospective of the time when Coldplay used less synthesizers and basically the whole rock scene was stripped of technological advances. Ah, the good old days.

The song American Dream is only one of the many songs that are brilliant on the CD but alas, the premise that had built up in my mind wasn't true. There was this one song called Juicy that was so full of robotics that it could pass as a Darkness or Chris Kirkpatrick b-side. You get my point. His voice is not that great but some of the songs are pretty nice. The rest are just okay. His voice kinda gets irritating after a while like Five For Fighting's John Ondrasik. I was thinking if I should've bought their Greatest Hits na rin so that it would be like a crash course but after a while, the band got old in my ears and I'm glad I didn't.

I got this CD that they were playing when we got there. It was a sampler called Mainstream Vol. 4 and it wasn't bad at all. It was the first time I heard Tyler Hilton's voice. I knew who he was from surfing around but I didn't know he had a nice voice. The whole CD is so mainstream and hyped and typical but it's still to listen to in passing. Kinda feels like a teen Hollywood soundtrack. The first song I heard was a remake of the eighties (?) hit, Listen To Your Heart. It was a very stripped performance, the female vocals (someone named DHT) just backed by a solo piano. Kinda like DJ Sammy's Heaven which I kinda liked before the j-logs devoured it. Other songs in the CD that were nice were Saving Jane's Girl Next Door, Hope Partlow's Who We Are (sounds so much like Ashlee Simpson), and like I said, Tyler Hilton's How Love Should Be. I also got a good listen to Fall Out Boy's Sugar We're Going Down. Martin said their the next big thing and that I should watch out for them but after the Yeah Yeah Yeahs didn't really make it big, I stopped listening to my friends in the States for musical advice. Anyways, the YYYs still rock whether or not my friends think so.

I also got this sweet deal on all four of the Superman movies all crammed into one DVD for only P35. the quality's definitely superb but the subs are embeded and won't go away. Anyways, tried to watch the first one kanina but I fell asleep. Old movies are paced so slowly. I guess i'll just have to wait for the new one next year! I can hardly wait! :D

Anyways, I'm so tired. I've got a good idea what the new template's gonna look like. I'm gonna try to make it more minimalistic and plain (redundant?) so that it won't look so cluttered.

PS: How'd you like my new linkies? I'm sorry it doesn't have descriptions anymore. :( There was this script that had a variable text at the bottom and you could assign descriptions to each link at the pulldown menu but it wouldn't work on my blog. Maybe it only works in pure HTML pages. Oh well, *sigh*.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

jung typology

i took this test called the Jung Typology Test and what the results are very interesting. it said that i was an ESFP or Extroverted(11%) Sensing(12%) Feeling(50%) Percieveing(56%) kind of person. I've got a slightly expressed exrovert, slightly expressed sensing, moderately expressed feeling, and moderately expressed percieving personality. I read more about it here and here. you guys should try this test. it seems dead on so far. basically, i like attention. that's so not fetch. haha :D

you guys should seriously try this out. it's fun. the second result even shows famous people of the same personality type. it's all psychology-backed and stuff. my mom's prof in grad school told her to take it as an assignment. :D

oh if you do take the test, leave a comment here with a link to your second result. the type relationships part will show us what kind of relationship our types have (derr). will you be a pal or an advisor or a grrr... counterpart! :D

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

untitled (ugh how 'simple plan' of me)

Subtitled: The local pirates have finally gotten a clue.

I <3 piracy! i do. i know it's sick and so passe in a Jessica Zafra kinda way to admit it but what can I say? I love my bootlegs.

This week is 'take a chance' week. I bought a DVD without researching the title first, something that I haven't done on a realtively anonymous movie. my efforts were repaid in threefold, though. I bought 'The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys'. my friend joel thought it was a dirty movie. hahaha, it's kinda sick and evil but the ending's really nice and we can all relate to the feeling of wanting to be dangerous as though it makes you above everyone else. what made me want this movie initially was the roster of stars. i said in a previous post that jodi foster has redeemed herself via a very long engagement. she plays the quasi-evil nun in this movie. jena malone who was in stepmom and in one of my favorite movies, life as a house, was also there playing the un-virginal love interest. kieran culkin of michael jackson and igby goes down fame plays the best friend. *sigh* what happened to the culkins? the lead was played by emile hirsch. this is the second movie of his that i saw after the cult favorite 'girl next door'

the movie in itself was a bit too racy, considering the characters were supposed to be 14, i think. but considering how promiscuous some americans can be (seen 'thirteen'?), i guess it's okay. guess i shouldn't have watched it with my mom in the room. dont watch this movie if you've got the parental units in the room or have a very catholic person (like a grandma or a nun) in there with you. trust me, this is good advice.

the story was nice, although a bit too pubescent for me. it feels like a geek's revenge or something. i shouldn't have said that. i think i heard somewhere that the guy who wrote it was dead. surfing around, i confirmed what i just said:

Foster Says She Refused To Alter Altar Boys Title (19 June 2002 Studio Briefing)
Jodie Foster, who produced the indie film The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (and briefly appears in it), has acknowledged that the timing of the release is unfortunate. Nevertheless, she told the Philadelphia Daily News Tuesday that she decided against changing the film's title in the wake of the recent allegations of widespread pedophilia among Catholic priests. "The book...was a cult classic," Foster told the newspaper. "The writer died very shortly after writing it. In homage and respect for him, we would never consider changing the name." The film received a very limited release last Friday and will be rolling out in additional cities next weekend.

go jodi! i didn't know she produced it, too!

by the way, i hate cougars now. watch the movie and you'll see why.

my musical taste has changed a bit, too. i still like slow, mind-numbing music but i can honestly say i'm evolving. wow, i'm a raichu now! haha, kidding. this is what i've got so far.

this really surprised me. i wasn't supposed to buy it. i thought joel was and then he said we should split it. i knew that the foos pulled a nelly and one of the discs was acoustic and the other was rock. i figured, i should get the acoustic disc and joel should get the rock one since it suited our tastes more. i ended up buying both and he bought the semi-new stereophonics and said i could rip it. he also got rooster and the semi-new oasis. i also had to rip myself off the darkness cd in order to save me some face. touching youuuuuuuuuuuu!

anyways, the first cd has the rock tracks and i'm not too much of a fan. i listened to it in passing, skipping most of the tracks. by the time i got to disc two, i was so glad to return to my usual sound. many people hate the foos now, especially this particular record but i happen to like them still. the short lyric on my header is from 'walking after you', also by them. this song is sexy in a stripped down, bare kinda way. it makes me see how competent the foo fighters are, although they've upset the stomachs of some of their old hardcore fans.

cameron from myspace introduced me to the yeah yeah yeahs last year. i downloaded 'rich' and found it a bit too rich for my taste. it wasn't until alst week that i was surfing through celebrity playlists via iTunes that i heard 'maps' and saw that it was a nice song. very very thoughtful. i was kinda shocked that the pirates had it since unlike what cameron said, they never really caught on in local shores. the last track and hidden track is very nice. kinda epitomized the weather and what i was feeling this afternoon while walking home. i listened to it on a loop for about a solid half hour which is rare for someone like me who skips tracks as easy as i change my mind. and lemme tell you, that happens a lot.

i dunno. maybe i'm getting a little too old for phantom planet. when i was a bit younger (like last year, kidding), lonely day was one of my favorite songs. the new record isn't like 'the guest' (where lonely day appeared). although i havent heard the guest in full, i heard enough from a friend's copy to want to buy one myself. this record, i'm not sure if it's older or newer seems too generic for my taste. i need an artist who will stand out, not blend in.

i'm looking for a way to get the nice yeah yeah yeahs track on my blog. maybe if i'm not too lazy, i can enconde it in the lowest bitrate and upload it on a fast server so y'all can listen to what i'm blabbing about.

i hope i haven't offended the buyers of original cds. in fairness, i'm looking forward to buying an original copy of the foo fighers' 'in your honor'. that's how i am most of the time. if the artist appeals to me, i get it and i stay loyal. just ask the corrs! :D no, you can't but i just wanted to say it.

school started yesterday, yeah, it sucked. *sigh* i'm thinking if i should return to the college paper. everyone there says they need me. but i'm not sure if i'm willing to give it my 110% again and stay anonymous at the same time. it's not my choice that people didn't know it was me who made the stupid magazine. it's just that that idiotic eic who likes the attention so much wanted to hog all the limelight. grrrness... anyways, the meeting's on monday so nothing's formal or final until then.

have a great week y'all!

Monday, June 13, 2005

aaaaaaaargh!

double aaaaargh! i wrote this post super kanina pa then i disconnected para di sayang ung net and then i totally forgot i was offline and clicked publish. grrr... my whole post down the drain.

watch while i try to reconstruct:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! this day totally sucks ass. i can't believe i've got classes na tomorrow. grrrr... my day started last night when my dad announced that our bid for this condo won and we're probably moving this july. i figured i've got classes by then and i probably won't get the chance to pack my stuff correctly. i've got a LOT of shit in my room, being the packrat that i am. so today is a desperate effort to get my act up. i even skipped my last day of MP3 downloading, err, work to clean.

i sit on my bed and armed with janet's velvet rope, i make my way to the radio on my gray desk. i start to hear creaking noises but i didn't pay it much mind. this is an OLD house and creaking sounds are no stranger to my ears. two seconds later, BOOM, the front/left leg collapses and my cd racks fall down. i cut my hand with one of the rack's edges.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still think this is a beautiful day? i've spent close to three hours surveying the damage and cleaning the massive mess it left. but good thing i was able to take pictures!



good thing my semi-trusty radio survived the damage. sadly though, a lot of my cd cases broke around the handle. *sob* as you can see, i own a lot of bootleg cds. here's a survey of the mess: my toolbox flew open and you can actually see my broken sendo mobile. a couple of cds lay littered on the ground, several of them hideously pirated. some ISP bonanza reloaded cards for staying up all night, Guesstures is super fun. Scrabble is okay, too. my barely used table tennis racket is also hiding and my box of paperworks is still intact although it did fly from where it lay.
look at how neat my cds used to be. it's a good thing the crash only endangered half my collection since the bulk of my records lay in shoeboxes, for the lack of better space.

anyways, i logged online to check my mail and blog just to take my mind off things when this schmuck ruins my day. why do people like pissing other people off. i'm selling cds via pusit and they are relatively cheep, considering the amount of online middlemen there are. if you aren't buying, don't leave a fucking comment.

From: pang-asar - albertectomy@yahoo.com - (2005-06-13 09:52:03)

Hoy, nagkalat sa Quiapo at MRT shaw station yang mga binebenta mo (artists and album titles.) Sa Quiapo, P25. Sa MRT shaw P40. Anong sinasabi mong cheap?

i semi-stylishly told him off saying that my customers pay more money for a guarantee and for me to come to them. plus, it's a whole lot safer than going to quiapo where the chances of being held-up massively increased over the years. i should know, you know? i also gave announced a huge discount just to tell him off. i hope spammers flock to your inbox, albert and stay there! at least he knows he's annoying. take a look at the name he wrote down.

grrrrr.... this day is ruined. all i want to do now is go running and it looks like it's about to rain so i doubt if that'll happen too. to top it all off, i accidentally clicked pubilsh post kanina while i was still offline and so my post went poof before i knew it. grrr...

i watched mean girls again last weekend and i'm so happy that they swept the awards in mtv. i know this movie is so manufactured but it's fun and light but smart enough to make you think. as a bitch, i know my mouth can get mean at times so i really related well.

did y'all know that the dumb girl and the oblivious love interest from mean girls were both in the daytime soap 'all my children'? they never crossed paths though since the guy left before the girl came in. there was a two week interval daw.

i hate this day. i've got so much crap pa to clean. grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! maybe i should watch mean girls again, that ought to cheer me up! :D

Friday, June 10, 2005

still alive, baby?

wow, the last few days have been kuhrayzee for me. i was able to do something that i never legally got to do before. i slept over.

before you think kinky thoughts, it's not what it sounds. i spent the night with three guys i was in high school with (argee, maui, and francis). we met up frequently after graduation and though we've gotten really close after that, we all knew there were secrets we couldn't reveal at the wrong time. when we left, we were all connected once again. there was a time i thought we wouldn't reconnect like we did back in high school but last night proved otherwise.

we watched mr. and mrs. smith last night. it was really nice. i don't think i've ever been that entertained in a long, long time.

angelina jolie is a screen goddess. because of this movie, i can forgive beyond borders. she is soooo hot. i was processing my thoughts last night and i came to this conclusion: angelina jolie is the epitome of sex appeal in my twisted brain. have you ever danced alone in your bedroom in front of a mirror? i know this sounds queer but there are times when i feel like dancing. hahaha and when i do, my lips start to pop out like hers and this little thing makes me feel tons sexier. hahaha. THE SHAME!

brad pitt does well, too. this movie's the first time i saw how old he's gotten. the signs of ageing are really starting to hit him. i miss jennifer aniston. :(

when we got back, we started playing on the idea of having an open forum. i know, it's so late night girl's school but i guess there was a lot of tension between the four of us. it started out with a few questions but the one we spent close to six hours on was "what do you think of each other that you couldn't say in normal situations?" we spilled our hearts out and we let each other know things that we've hidden for so long. only fitting since we are entering our third year in college and the four of us first got united in our third year of high school.

we wrapped up with "did you ever want to thank the people in this group but couldn't in normal situations?" okay, it's obvious that last night/this morning wasn't a 'normal situation'. we thanked each other. it was soooo cheesy but nice. by the time we finished, the sun was up. 7AM. I slept till 9-ish.

this morning though, i felt terrible. kind of like the morning after, you know? it's like the mystery has unfolded. you lay in the rubble of babylon's walls. nothing's left to do. i do feel closer to them. i feel like we now share an unbreakable bond but there's this feeling of dishevelment(spel/usage?). did i say too much? is there hope for things to change? i didn't know how badly i had wounded my friends. i guess being too outspoken has its perks but mostly, i'm riddled with the side-effects.

word vomit. i'm sick of word vomit. and actual vomit, by the way. here's a gross story. this morning, we went down for the complimentary breakfast. we had about half an hour to raid the breakfast buffet. i ate so much, i couldn't finish my food. to think i still wanted to raid the fruit and dessert table. i apologized and i felt bad for argee because he was paying for everything. i excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom.

actual vomit. i stuck my finger down my throat. i felt so horrible. i hadn't done that in so long but today was different. (well maybe not that long) i felt fat and bloatey. i didn't get enough sleep. my socks were wet. my cheeks were huge. i felt really sorry that it had to come to that. argee saw right through and called it like it is. when i got back, he said "you 'in-your-face'd right?" doesn't make much sense in english but we both got the point.

this afternoon, i didn't want to go home. this whole day, i felt like i was stuck in a trance. you'd think that the lack of decent sleep was causing this but i wasn't sleepy. there just wasn't an audible thought in my head. i was quiet up until the time i got home. i wasn't even loud during lunch. we ate in fuzion but i didn't order drinks. i was saving money. when i got home, i called tracy and apologized for not being able to go to her birthday party this afternoon. then, i washed my face and went to bed. woke up to watch kampanera and ikaw ang lahat. happy thoughts. happy thoughts.

there's a bad side to bulimia. argee always said i'd end up with a throat wound one of these days. i did. it's so gross i can't even begin to describe what happened. it looks like i've got a second tonsil. gross. it's all inflamed and stuff. gross. gross.

i hate my body. last night, the guys asked me why i was so cocky all the time. i had all the chutzpah to critique movies and i do so with such disgust and glee. such actions make me seem like an arrogant bastard. anyways, argee added that i'd turn around and be all vulnerable and insecure. two words baby: defense mechanism.

i hate that i know what's happening to me. i hate that i can't just worry about why my head feels this way. i already know why. :(

anyways, you guys should really see mr. and mrs. smith. it's so cool. this bag with expandable handles is soooooo cool. my friends and i looked at each other and jokingly said 'i want one of those!'. anyways, MAMS is totally mainstream and manufactured but it's seriously the juice. watch out for angelina's killer line: happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.

postscript: is it just me or is this post deceptively not about mr. and mrs. smith? :D

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

prettiest garbage



i finally saw the video for Sex Is Not The Enemy which was supposed to be in the enhanced portion (or is it Why Do You Love Me?) of Garbage's latest CD, Bleed Like Me. It seemed to be running on a low budget. Mostly Shirley Manson just playing around. I was running on a low budget, too so I just bought the bootleg. *sigh*

Anyways, I was checking out the official Garbage website so that I could watch SINTE nga but I was so surprised to see that my favorite (and title) track, Bleed Like Me had a video na pala. It's so cool. A bit on the cheesy side at times (sullen crazy people) but very reminiscent of Girl, Interrupted (my fave movie.)

I especially love that scene (look above!) in Bleed Like Me where she's on her bed and her red hair flows eerily like blood. Sorta, nay really creepy but nice anyway. I swear, Shirley Manson can get away with anything.

you should see my scaaaaaaaaaars!

postscript (edit): look alive! it's here. be afraid. be very, very afraid. chris from sophomoronic says the first single is okay but anything with that redhead is garbage to me. (no reference to shirley manson whatsoever) :D

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

breaking the silence

okay, i half didn't want to do this but the reason why i haven't been blogging as usual is in this post. be afraid, be very afraid.

you know how blogging is a healthy way of unloading whatever's in your brain. it's like a best friend without having to deal with her mood swings. you can't fall in love with your blog (but you can be in love with a template, trust me i know!) and you can always tell it anything without having to worry if it'll call you in the morning. trust that it won't (and can't)

so i couldn't really unload my brain because my brain's been filled with such hoo-ha these past few days. i've been bloghopping to see what others are talking about and they aren't talking about what i'm about to say. *sigh* here goes my rep.

i'm so masa right now. i can't believe it. i'm officially a pop culture junkie. i consume anything marketing will wave in front of me. heck, i adore survivor even though everyone says it's scripted. i watched b-movies like can this be love just so i could see the stupid hero-sandara love team. stop beating around the bush, nyl and just get on with it.

okay, there goes my rep. ah, the haters can go fug themselves. this is such a likeable show. i mean, the directors of ikaw ang lahat sa akin have totally reinvented john lloyd cruz. from this average fat leading man, he's now officially the philippine's answer to robert downey jr. and that wasn't easy to say since i love robert downey, drug past and all.

the treatment is so not pinoy. it's like a cross between a chinovela and a koreanovela. the musical scoring is the same song in different tempos. slow when the scene is sad and upbeat when john lloyd's monkeying around. bea alonzo does a stunning rendition of sadako although i doubt if that was the look they were hoping to achieve.

here's what the official site (all pictures from same site) had to say: ( i cut out the first paragraph in this gyst since i didn't believe it to be true. refer to previous paragraph.)

Directed by Eric Reyes (Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas) and Jerome Pobocan (Hiram), and costarring acclaimed actors Hilda Koronel, Tirso Cruz III, Jaclyn Jose, Noni Buencamino, and Carmi Martin, with Kathleen Hermosa, Vanna Garcia, Marla Boyd and Glaiza de Castro, Ikaw Ang Lahat Sa Akin centers on the story of three young women whose journeys intersect in the most unexpected of ways.

Nea Cruz Fontanilla (Claudine Barretto) and Jasmin Cruz Fontanilla (Bea Alonzo) are sisters, although they haven’t seen each other since Nea was five – when Nea’s father Larry (Noni Buencamino) abandoned her and her mother Elena (Jacklyn Jose) to live with the rich Yolanda (Carmi Martin).

Years after their traumatic separation, it’s only a matter of time before Nea and Jasmin’s paths cross again. Raised in above-average circumstances by Larry and Yolanda along with her stepsister Hazel (Shaina Magdayao), Jasmin is the resident strange, shy girl in school – the target of the pranks of Oliver Ynares (John Lloyd Cruz), the mischievous younger son of the prominent Ynares clan.

An “old money” family, Ynares patriarch Roden (Tirso Cruz III) and matriarch Susana (Hilda Koronel) have given up on the unruly Oliver, they do have their hopes set on the bright, intelligent Ivan (Diether Ocampo) to fulfill their dreams of having a politician in the family. But unknown to Ivan's family - and his beautiful, rich, and devoted girlfriend Karri Medrano (Angelika dela Cruz) - Ivan has a dark secret that he kept hidden from those he loves, but now threatens to destroy the life he has carefully built.

But while Jasmin and Oliver’s imperfect lives are about to take an interesting turn, an unexpected change will come from Nea, who is now dead-set on destroying the life of her estranged father, Larry. But what brought about this change in Nea? And how will it affect the Ynares family?
the idea is so unoriginal but like the idiot's guide to creative writing said, make a fresh new spin not a stale rehash. this show delivers that and more. plus, anything with screen goddess jacklyn jose is amazing. it's also really refreshing to see angelika dela cruz working again after moving to abs-cbn and pulling a crash and burn. her role as a major sosyalera is so convincing, it's almost unthinkable how she almost always played the cinderella maid in gma 7. my advice is to keep her in these small roles and to keep diether ocampo's mouth shut. i swear, this boy is the only annoying thing in this show. he's got the pronounciation of a fish vendor to think that job used to belong to a different 'hunk'. eww. can't believe i know of the hunks. *sigh* who doesn't?

my second addiction is tada: kompanerang kuba. i swear, it beat's darna's unexercised pot belly anytime! this show started last night and at first, i didn't think it would catch on since it seemed so average and was cashing on the fantaserye fad. i watched it last night and it was more fun than a barrel of monkeys! hahaha. seriously. there was singing and dancing and ex-evil nuns. what more could you ask for?!

kampanerang kuba is the unofficial philippine spin on the hunchback of notre dame. they are both horribly disfigured hunchbacks whose primary source of livelihood is ringing the church's bells. KK has more heart. in HOND, the priest torments quasimodo and doesn't let him out of the church because he's ugly. in KK, the three nuns tell her she's so pretty, people might take her. it may be a lie but it's still heart-warming. plus, in KK a magical candle turns her into a beautiful girl with no hunch (physical) what so ever. that's pretty original, i think. :D

so far the show's been nice even though i've only seen one episode. it starts off in the kuba's childhood days so anne curtis hasn't appeared yet. i heard she took tagalog classes to sharpen her skills. i swear, i hope she does a good job in this one. i mean, her track record hasn't exactly been peachy until now and i'd hate for her to ruin such a show.

did i mention the prostehtics are horrible. think cakey foundation times 10 and you've got a ballpark estimation of what her face looks like. but like i said, singing and dancing and ex-evil nuns! doesn't that spell FUN FUN FUN?! hahaha :D plus, with evil demons that make your kids fugly, you can't go wrong!

it seems to me that abs-cbn has been cashing in on their tried and tested formulas. they even enlisted the help of the music dude from unitel to write the songs. anyways, in kampanerang kuba, eula valdez and jean garcia of pangako sayo fame is reunited, this time as sisters. there's an evil dad played by that fabregas dude, jaime and an unwanted pregnancy. tons of family secrets are spilled, worthy of tabloid coverage. jean is the victim this time while eula plays the richer girl. they may be sisters but jean ran away with a poor farmer (pinoy indie film hero yul servo) and had his kid. blah blah. i'm not giving justice to the story. so much has happened and to think it's only got one episode under its wing.

the synopsis is in tagalog so i won't paste it here. i know a handful of people who wouldn't understand it anyway so here's a link instead.

anyways, that's all i wanted to say. excuse me while i wash my hands of the shame. THE SHAME! AAAAAAAAH! i'm so masa now. next thing you know, i'll be campaigning against the government.

there isn't much to go on about this since like i've repeated, there has only been one episode. there's plenty more to be expected and plenty more to blog about. hahaha :D trust that this isn't the last you've heard of my primetime addictions!

Saturday, June 4, 2005

mraz has failed us

he's pulled a.. well... i'm not sure who's done this before. he's not crazy like mariah or anything. oh well, mayer wouldn't do this.

i still like his music and i wouldn't let something as trivial as jason mraz stripped naked with a guitar (a clue on the picture) get in my way of getting kickass music.


postpublish addition: maverick records of madonna fame is releasing two new records that you might find interesting. jagged little pill is going to be rereleased in an acoustic form in a few days. john stevens of ai3 fame is releasing red, his first studio album this month. a sarcastic yipee for that one.

a very long weekend

I haven't been online in a couple of days as my "39 new emails" reminds me. I've been through a hell of a roller coaster emotions-wise this weekend and so I've decided to split this blog post in half. Those who read personal stuff can scroll a little further down to read about my ride. Those who don't can read a review of A Very Long Engagement (Un Long Dimanche de Fiancailles).

Those who have seen Amelie and the poster to AVLE don't really need much more to want to watch the movie. Anything with "From the director of 'Amelie'" and Audrey Tautou written on it is enough to make even a skeptic a believer. I was expecting disappointment from the beginning since Amelie has set such a huge shadow on any future endeavors for the two but I was wrong. So wrong. It's hard not to compare the two movies. Both have orphans, same director, same actress, blah blah so I'll try not to go over the board.

Although some common elements in the two movies can be spotted (quirky biographies and things that people enjoy), the treatment of the films are very different. While Amelie is so optimistic, the wartorn scenery and colors of AVLE provides the depth it required. Even the lead characters (Mathilde and Amelie) seem so different despite Audrey playing them both. I'll go into detail with that later.

It's a movie that'll make you feel hopeless even though every lead seems like a dead end. "Never Lose Hope" is such a fitting tag line since it encourages the audience to do the same.

It's sad how this movie was disqualified in Cannes for being shown outside France. Seems like France doesn't like it either. A Paris court ruling prevented the movie from receiving State financial aid reserved to French movie production companies because it was produced by a company owned by Warner Bros. hence not a French company. (IMDB)

It took me quite a while to get a hold of the movies since I was waiting for the local pirates to get a clue and get it already. I mean, hello? The DVD was out even before they showed it here. The opening credits said it was completed in 2003. The first DVD came out last year and the Philippine version came out early this year. That's three whole years! Finally, the pirates released a bare bones version meaning no special features except for the trailer of Boogeyman which held no relevance whatsoever. I'm thinking if I should order a copy online if only to see more about the movie. Hmmm...

What surprised me the most is a very small role of a Polish immigrant who had an affair with two best friends. That whole scenario could've been a movie in itself. At first, I was thinking 'that French woman is hot!' only to find out that 'that French woman' is actually Jodie Foster. I really didn't like her older movies. Everything seemed too commercial from the Asian inspired Anna and the King to the ridiculously boring Panic Room. Now, whenever my friends talk about her, I will no longer cringe but instead smile and remember her stunning performance in this movie.

Many people didn't appreciate this movie's complexities. I myself enjoyed rewinding and fast forwarding to different parts of the movies, amused by how each detail is utilized. If you as much as blink and miss a name or an event, you'll find yourself confused. It took a lot of will power to digest the movie, not that it was as distasteful as Grande Ecolé, but each name leads to a new event that could somehow lead Mathilde to her beloved fiancé.

Audrey Tautou proves yet again that she is an awesome actress. She is barely recognizable in the three films I have seen her in. In "God Is Great and I'm Not", she's annoying and perfect for the role. In "Amelie", she's quirky in a fun way like Phoebe Buffay without going overboard. In AVLE, she's sensitive and the fact that she limps with polio makes that little vein in your heart go throb throb.

A relative newbie in many people's eyes (including mine) is Gaspard Ulliel who plays Manech, the other half of the engagement. He looks like a French Matt Damon during the Ripley-days. He seems so boyish and innocent and has starred in a lot of movies including the sadly underrated Brotherhood of the Wolf (with Monica Belucci). He's supposed to be five months shy of 20 in the movie and being born in 1984, that's pretty accurate. It's surprising how he acted with depth considering how young and experience-less he is.

Marion Cotillard can do no wrong. After captivating audiences in her small role in Big Fish, she returns again as the vigilante lover of a soldier. Although she pulls a Björk ala Dancer in the Dark in the movie, she still added a lot of interesting scenes in the movie. Quite different from her teeny role in Big Fish.

Knowing that it is a Jean-Pierre Jeunet movie, one can't help but feel that this movie will end happily. But unlike the treatment of some of Hollywood films (The Perfect Storm, Cast Away; watch the trailer, you've seen the movie), this movie doesn't make the story too blatant that watching it will seem totally pointless. It's like you know they will end up together but there's always a voice in your head that makes you uncertain. Although the ending is a bit open ended, it was too open ended that it would annoy the people watching. It almost feels like a memoir written by the great protagonist and as delightful as a JPJ movie. :D

Okay, that's about it. Now for my weekend. This weekend is very long. Aside from getting the worst haircut ever (think Roxette circa early 90's), I had to enroll and stand in line for hours. UST is so inept when it comes to enrolment. Grrrr…

But my day started at breakfast when I had to get money in the ATM for my tuition. Already feeling horrible that we had to spend so much money for my ceiling high schooling, I withdrew too much money leaving Mom with a pending bouncable check. I felt so horrible and adding to the already bad situation was my mom calling me an idiot for assuming too much. Long story that I don't want to go too deep into.

I felt super horrible and I was looking forward to the overnight stay I was to have with my friends. I asked my dad really nicely and he responded with cussing and scolding and embarrassing me in front of the visitors from church. I felt so bad when the pastor was talking about self-pity and how the mind can make you hopeless. All that was ringing in my head was 'no one's here to have pity and comfort me so I might as well do it on my own': the masturbatory mantra.

This morning, my dad didn't apologize but after my sisters told him what really happened and were semi-scolding him for treating me horribly, he talked to me and though we never talked about last night, we dealt with it like we always do: under rug swept.

I feel a lot better now although I'm not happy last night happened. Right now, I'm more embarrassed about how my friends were quasi-waiting for me last night only for me to bail out on them. Nothing a pound of vanilla-milk chocolate hybrid Kisses won't solve. Mmmmm…

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

extending the olive Branch

i've forgotten how Michelle Branch used to sound. my latest download has brought me to (my long coveted) her independent release, before the folks at Maverick *ahem* "discovered" her. There are a few common tracks from The Spirit Room but most of them were spiffed up for its commercial release. Goodbye To You, If Only She Knew, and Sweet Misery all share double billings but appear almost acoustic in Broken Bracelet. Record Landmine is If Only She Knew which didn't appear as an acoustic track but was "remixed", pathetically, of course.



Where is Michelle Branch these days? I heard she's got a new partner, singing partner that is. Plus, this Australian website had this to say. The date says it's old so I don't know what to say now, really.



It is a little late I know, but congratulations to Michelle and her hubby with

their great news. They are going to be having their first child in a few months

time. So lets wish them all the best and hope they enjoy the wonders of

parenthood.


I guess she's married. Further research uncovered she married her bass player who is rumored to be 19 years her senior. Gossip, gossip blah blah.



Didn't you just love the video to Goodbye To You? The radio edited version is soooo much better than the one on the Spirit Room record. Usually, the last singles are the best. 'Till I Get Over You from Hotel Paper is very nice.



Anyways, you know how when Mariah and Jewel started wearing less clothes. I found it interesting how people don't seem to care that Michelle Branch strutted her proverbial stuff in Maxim way back (January 2004). I recently discovered it while looking for lyrics to some nice Broken Bracelet songs. Anyways, if she's pregnant and knew she was going to, I'd pose too just so I'd have a remembrance of how my body looked like.



Even worse is she's totally ditching her sweet image. not that I mind but it's kinda creepy when you say a few words and the image you worked hard to build comes crumbling down. She's always been kinda like the smart classmate who likes poetry and sings average songs. But then she turns around and says "I like Porn" and everything becomes iffy.



Where you’ve seen her:

This 20-year-old siren has already won a Grammy, her debut album, The Spirit Room, sold 2.5 million copies, and she has performed with the likes of Carlos Santana and Sheryl Crow.



The other woman:

“I like guys who are taken. I can’t help it. It’s the guy who’s not paying attention to you. That just kills me.”



Walking the plank:

“I have a pirate fetish—I just always thought eye patches were sexy. If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit.”



Pop tart:

“People have this notion of me being this sweet, nice girl, but…I’m kind of a pervert. We’ll be on the tour bus, and me and my makeup artist will be watching porn.”


In semi-related news, I'm going to get my pictures taken tomorrow with long-ish hair. So that when I'm feeling depressed because of my hair, I'd have a reminder. :D



Michelle sounds better when she wasn't all breatheeaaaaah-ey. You know what I'm talking about? Of all the things I believed inaaaaah. I just wanna get it over wiaaaaath. Boring you with details. Blah blah. Click here to see the whole thing and so I won't have to incriminate myself with softcore on my PC.



I'm not getting any work done. To think after today, my next work day is Tuesday. Can I survive without internet? Hmmm...
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