Friday, May 27, 2005

another summer day has come and gone away

last night was horrible. i had to talk to her. i wanted to tell her so much. my sister was on the line and i literally had to make a scene so that i could use it. after many attempts, the line was still busy as with the rest of the day. finally, i decided to just text her.

i really need to see you tomorrow. even for just one hour. i need to tell you something. please, just this one last time. don't reply and don't call the house.

i sounded so desperate, almost pathetic. i wasn't sure what it was that i hoped to accomplish. i was up half the night writing her this letter and making a CD of how i felt. i felt so cliche, the typical best friend who falls in love and hands in mix tapes. the advances of technology have provided more than a cassette.

she called the house anyway and i told her that i'll see her tomorrow. today was our agreed day. last saturday, we agreed to meet today. but ever since i bull shit on our friendship, things haven't turned out. i know she's making an effort not to go weird on me but she already has. i just want to fucking die. she sounds so weird on the phone. not like her usual self.

i told her i wanted to give her the disc and if it was all right, i wanted to accomplish the task today. she said "kaw bahala", or "it's up to you". Whatever happened to the times when planning stuff didn't seem so forced. i felt like i was holding her back from whatever she wanted to do today. i mean, she was leaving the house anyway, why does it seem like such a hard thing to come see me, too? i thought she loved me. at least that's what she said last sunday. but the past tense was present then, too. i want to die. i feel so embarassed.

i want to fucking die. there's no freedom in this world.

this morning, my whole family had their panties up in a bunch. my sister, still bitchy from last night, was fuming mad at the maids for not cooking her food. my mom defended them, saying the maids aren't that smart and if you want something done, you have to tell them and remind them. plus, food at the house is so gosh darn complicated. my sister is allergic to all meats except pork, all forms of cooking except boiling, most vegetables including carrots and potatoes, and all fruits. my other sister limits the list further, adding cabbage and an assortment of other vegetables. my mother has high blood, hypertension, and mild allergies and avoids mostly all meats except fish and chicken, potatoes and apples. which leaves us to eat tofu and veggies at least five times a week. and people wonder why i'm such a hog. i don't get enough nourishment so i overcompensate.

even my dad was bitchy. he said "you'd better go home early today and refill the ink because i'm printing my documents tonight". geez, you sound like the mafia. when my sisters went down, he was all friendly and chatty with them. i can see where my schizo gene comes from. to think i don't even get in his way most of the days. i'm his only child who actually commutes. he picks up my sisters to and from work. i don't mind about that. it's just that i don't cost much, don't be mad at me!

on a happy note, i'm selling american idol season 4 cds. It's an MP3 CD, P250, negotiable and available in Metro Manila only. anyone interested? the CD contains all televised performances from the auditions to the finale episode yesterday. it even has the ford videos (in two formats) that are unaired locally. leave a comment or tag if you want. here's the basic directories on the CD. i didn't elaborate since that would take too much time:

Washington Auditions w/ HTML Recap - January 18, 2005
St. Louis Auditions w/ HTML Recap - January 19, 2005
New Orleans Auditions w/ HTML Recap - January 25, 2005
Las Vegas Auditions w/ HTML Recap - January 26, 2005
Cleveland & Orlando Auditions w/ HTML Recap - February 1, 2005
San Francisco Auditions w/ HTML Recap - February 2, 2005
Hollywood Eliminations Group - February 8-9, 2005
Hollywood Eliminations Single - February 15-16, 2005
Top 24 Men - February 21, 205
Top 24 Ladies - February 22, 2005
Top 20 Men - February 28, 2005
Top 20 Ladies - March 1, 2005
Top 16 Men - March 7, 2005
Top 16 Ladies - March 8, 2005
Top 12 - March 15, 2005
Top 11 - March 22, 2005
Top 10 - March 29, 2005
Top 09 - April 5, 2005
Top 08 - April 12, 2005
Top 07 - April 19-20, 2005
Top 06 - April 26-27, 2005
Top 05 - May 3-4, 2005
Top 04 - May 10-11, 2005
Top 03 - May 17-18, 2005
Top 02 - May 24-25, 2005
what are you waiting for?
make me happy and buy now!

3 comments:

  1. I think I'll never get love straight! Thank God I have my guy now! The finding, searching, trying, it gets so tedious & so painful sometimes! I had a best friend who fell in love with me. It broke my heart because I DID love him, just not the way he wanted. Then I felt awful because I knew I hurt him. Good luck sweetie,...wherever you end up
    xoxo

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